Husband terminal, but wants a child

mysarial
mysarial Member Posts: 14
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
I'm sorry, I don't know exactly where to post this. My husband has Meso, and though we've been married for almost 13 years, we never had any children. Now that he's confronting this disease, which is very likely going to be terminal within the next few years, he's decided he really wants a child now.

I absolutely feel this is wrong. Not only do I think that I would drown under the stress of pregnancy and taking care of a baby alongside of taking care of him; but I struggle with depression now, which is definitely going to get worse as time goes by. I can't forsee myself raising a baby when the child's father has passed on. Can it be done? Yes, but knowing it's a 99.5% certainty and deciding to do it anyway? It's not what I want.

His opinion is that he will "beat" Meso, so it won't be an issue. Well, at this point in time, Meso isn't something that is curable, it's just a matter of time (usually short) and quality of life. I don't want to sound hopeless, but bringing a baby into your life is too big of a decision to base on dreams and prayers.

I tried to tell him this, but obviously it's a hard thing to discuss. I don't want to dismiss his wishes, but I'm the one who will have to deal with the aftermath. It's hard to explain to him that I can't rely on his desire to beat this deadly disease to ensure he will be here to be a father.

Has anyone else gone through this?

Comments

  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #2
    I am Sorry
    that your husband is sick but gosh that is a hard decision I wouldn't know what to do either . But i would get a sample of my husbands sperm and freeze it for later maybe thats what i would like . but things don't go as we like sometimes. hang in there

    michelle
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #3
    bargaining
    I can think of many reasons why your husband may want a child in this situation, and most of them are some kind of bargain. I can't die if we have a baby, if we have a baby and I die it won't really be the end, at least my wife will have a mini-me to love, etc. Not healthy reasons, and having been a single parent, I can tell you that you are absolutely right. It is not easy, at all.

    Yes, preseve some sperm, but stay firm on what you know is best for you. For the foreseeable future, he is your baby.

    Good luck, darlin. One day at a time.
  • mysarial
    mysarial Member Posts: 14
    #4
    Barbara53 said:

    bargaining
    I can think of many reasons why your husband may want a child in this situation, and most of them are some kind of bargain. I can't die if we have a baby, if we have a baby and I die it won't really be the end, at least my wife will have a mini-me to love, etc. Not healthy reasons, and having been a single parent, I can tell you that you are absolutely right. It is not easy, at all.

    Yes, preseve some sperm, but stay firm on what you know is best for you. For the foreseeable future, he is your baby.

    Good luck, darlin. One day at a time.

    Thanks :)
    I never considered freezing sperm. I'll definitely bring it up. I'm sure that we will both change how we feel a million times before this is all over, and that option does give us the chance to take our time with that decision. It's all moot at the moment since he's still on chemo, but once (if) he manages a remission, it could definitely be the compromise we both need.

    I really appreciate the input :)
  • pattynonews
    pattynonews Member Posts: 176
    #5
    husband wants a baby
    You have to think of everything, I understand wanted to have your husband baby, just like jack he told me we had forever and he was going to beat this cancer, and we would be happy forever, well 18 months later he left, I cant imagaine taking care of a baby on top of caring for Jack and now that he is gone I would be a mess trying to take care of a baby, I went and got jack a puppy and it was the best thing, and now I have miss lil cheyanna to hold on to, And financially I could not take care of another child for the next 18 years, Please think about it, you are not being selfish, you have to look in to the future, , I never thought Jack would be gone in 18 months, I miss him so much, and Im so lost without him so please think it through
    love patty

Discussion Boards