I miss my mama

BrittanyC
BrittanyC Member Posts: 100
edited March 2014 in Ovarian Cancer #1
Since my mom passed on December 7th of OVCA... I have been trying to hold up as best as I can.

I am in between a move, actually today is my moving day at 10 am. I will be moving out of the apartment that my mom and I shared for over 4 years.

I have been suffering alone, because I have to live alone.. until today.

I came down with a stomach viral infection last week Tuesday, after throwing up tons and going into the ER for dehydration. On Monday, I came down with what I found out to be esophogal gastritis - FROM STRESS!!! Thank goodness for medication and zantac.

After I dehydrated from throwing up, I began to call for my mom and that I miss her so much. My tears just came all out. I miss her so much. I know she is kicking my butt from heaven and telling me her usual "Don't worry. Its going to be okay."

But it is tough.

My dad just tells me to move foward and get over it. I can't 'GET OVER IT.' I never will! He lost both of his parents, but I had a bond with my mom that was special. That is why it hurts so much.

I'm so happy that this year is going to end soon. I'm going to take the half of 2010 off to work and rest.. I really need it.

Sometime in January, I'll be getting a baby bunny. My mom knew HOW MUCH I love bunnies!! I have dolls and clothes with rabbits on 'em all over my room. I think she is smiling. I think the bunny would be a great companion for me and will keep me busy and entertained.

Comments

  • carol2dogs
    carol2dogs Member Posts: 132
    #2
    So Sorry
    Brittany,
    I'm so sorry both for your loss and for your sickness last week. Moving out of that apartment just may help a little tiny bit - at least the memories won't be everywhere around you. I'm glad you're getting a bunny, and I'm sure your Mom is indeed smiling in heaven about that decision! Animals can soothe in a way humans can't. Of course you can't "just get over it" and please don't ever expect that. The pain will gradually ease over time, but probably won't ever go away. Please continue to come here as much as you want - we are here for you.
    Love and hugs, Carol
  • Lisa13Q
    Lisa13Q Member Posts: 677
    #3
    So Sorry
    I am soo sorry for your loss and sadness. I could tell by your posts that you had a special bond with your mother, and it must be so hard for you to leave a place where you have so many memories. I am sure your mother is watching from Heaven and is ecstatic that you are getting a Bunny; and good for you for taking care of yourself!! Your father's response probably came from a place where he just doesn't know what to say...but it does take time to grieve and it just hasn't been that long. So I hope you know you can take as much time as you need to heal...and it's just plain ok...we all love you here and I know, personally, have been touched by your posts...Please take good care of yourself...that's most important right now...
  • saundra
    saundra Member Posts: 1,370 Member
    #4
    Blessing to you
    Brittany, we can't rush grieving. Everyone has their own time. When I got to feeling down after my Mom died in 2006, it helped to think that she was so much more comfortable with her new body and out of pain. We were very close, also. The bunny will help and they are so cute!!!! My granddaughters' is even litter trained!
    Hint, when you go through the stress of a sick Mother, physical stuff happens so take care of your self by getting extra rest and take vitamins etc. When you feel down do something for yourself, even if it is just going out for ice cream or something small like a walk in the park.
    Take care of yourself!!!
    Saundra
  • Cindy Bear
    Cindy Bear Member Posts: 569
    #5
    long time
    Hi Brittany. I lost my mom to uterine cancer and I still lurk on these boards. I am twice your age and it's not any easier for me. It's going to take a long time. You have to give yourself time and you have to allow yourself to grieve. When my mom first passed I think I was in shock. I was very angry, long story, but I think we were mislead, even lied to about her prognosis. The anger kept me going, enabled me to function, making arrangements, etc. Now that the anger is starting to slowly fade, grief is moving in. The holidays have been very difficult without her. All the little traditions we had...I wonder if you've checked out some of the other discussion boards like grief and bereavement or emotional support.. They have given me some comfort and you might find them helpful too. Yes remember to take care of yourself, eat, rest, treat yourself. Get that Bunny. I have 2 dogs and a cat. Never had a bunny but they are adorable.
  • kayandok
    kayandok Member Posts: 1,202 Member
    #6
    Dearest Brittany,
    my heart breaks for you. I'm glad you feel free to come here and share. I agree with you, you never "get over" loosing someone you love. I lost a good friend to OVCA a few days ago and my heart just aches although I'm happy for her that she is out of pain. I'm grieving her loss, but I know her husband and 20 year old son feel it much deeper, the way you do for you mom. Take care of Brittany right now. I'm glad you can afford to take a break from work.
    Warm hugs,
    kathleen:)
  • LPack
    LPack Member Posts: 645
    #7
    So sorry .........
    Brittany,

    It takes time to grieve and we all are different. Our mom died 11 years ago on Christmas morning.

    This Christmas was not as hard as last Christmas. 1999 was so hard for all 3 of us siblings. Each year has gotten easier, but it takes time.

    We know our mom is in Heaven - happy and healthy!

    But truly I know how you feel and you do need to take care of yourself.

    Love,
    Libby
  • BrittanyC
    BrittanyC Member Posts: 100
    #8
    LPack said:

    So sorry .........
    Brittany,

    It takes time to grieve and we all are different. Our mom died 11 years ago on Christmas morning.

    This Christmas was not as hard as last Christmas. 1999 was so hard for all 3 of us siblings. Each year has gotten easier, but it takes time.

    We know our mom is in Heaven - happy and healthy!

    But truly I know how you feel and you do need to take care of yourself.

    Love,
    Libby

    I moved into my
    I moved into my grandparent's house (both are gone, its just my dad and I). There are lots of memories here. My parents were married when they came to Washington from Hawaii (I was born in Hawaii), and this is the place that I stayed at before my dad bought a house in another city.

    It is nice, and quiet. Serene. I love it. My dad gave me the master bedroom, so I get to decorate. I'm in the process of unpacking stuff that was put inside my room.

    I went shopping with my boyfriend yesterday. I went to this store called fuego, which sells a bunch of random things. I saw this hanging mobile picture hanger that you hang from the ceiling and clip photos onto it. So I bought it. I just hung it up on my ceiling not so long ago and the first photo was of my mom and I - dated on the back July 2, 1988. I was only about a year old.

    It is precious to me.

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