Cancer Issue: Why Cancer and Inflammation?
Please have your CR-P LEVELS tested. It is your body's inflammation marker, is a simple inexpensive blood test. Be sure to inform your doctors that do you not want the cardiac panel as that is limited in its scope. Inform them that you have cancer. Mention the NIH, NCI and a whole slew of other abbreviated things, recognize inflammation as a factor in the development and spread of cancer, and you would like to know where you stand in the inflammation aspect of your disease. What you would like to see once you get your results is ideally as close to zero as one can get. I have been reading that less than 10 is predictive of a better outcome than over ten, but there are simple things one can do to bring the number down. But first you have to know what it is. If you're interested there are a few very good books out there to read. I'm getting back on track on the first. Right now I'm developing a plan of attack and in the information gathering mode.
And yes, I absolutely got up on the bossy side of the bed. But honestly, if you all thought you had things that might save my life or help me to save my life, wouldn't you have, absolutely positively have to tell me, or someone you loved who wasn't quite so bossy, since today you might not be so concerned with my life as you might just wish I would quit telling you what to do. Jeez, what a nag! Hey, I wouldn't nag you, if I didn't care about you.
Love, kisses and hugs to you all,
Claudia
What follows are just a few of the hundreds of articles on that relationship.
just google cancer inflammation and read as much as you can about it. It will help you to understand and get through this.
claudia
And, once you know stuff, your brain starts to put pieces together to figure out other things and light bulbs start going off all over the place, and then you too can become as annoying as I am. " ~ )
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1994795/
Abstract
Central to the development of cancer are genetic changes that endow these “cancer cells” with many of the hallmarks of cancer, such as self-sufficient growth and resistance to anti-growth and pro-death signals. However, while the genetic changes that occur within cancer cells themselves, such as activated oncogenes or dysfunctional tumor suppressors, are responsible for many aspects of cancer development, they are not sufficient. Tumor promotion and progression are dependent on ancillary processes provided by cells of the tumor environment but that are not necessarily cancerous themselves. Inflammation has long been associated with the development of cancer. This review will discuss the reflexive relationship between cancer and inflammation with particular focus on how considering the role of inflammation in physiologic processes such as the maintenance of tissue homeostasis and repair may provide a logical framework for understanding the connection between the inflammatory response and cancer
http://dcb.nci.nih.gov/thinktank/Executive_Summary_of_Inflammation_and_Cancer_Think_Tank.cfm
What follows all comes before the introduction.
Executive Summary of Inflammation and Cancer Think Tank
Inflammation is a response to acute tissue damage, whether resulting from physical injury, ischemic injury, infection, exposure to toxins, or other types of trauma. It can play a role in tumor suppression by stimulating an antitumor immune response, but more often it appears to stimulate tumor development. Epidemiologic and clinical research indicates an increased risk of certain cancers in the setting of chronic inflammation. For example, two inflammatory bowel diseases, ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease, predispose to cancers of the intestinal tract. Basic research, in turn, has shown that many of the processes involved in inflammation (e.g., leukocyte migration, dilatation of local vasculature with increased permeability and blood flow, angiogenesis), when found in association with tumors, are more likely to contribute to tumor growth, progression, and metastasis than to elicit an effective host anti-tumor response.
Interestingly, inflammation functions at all three stages of tumor development: initiation, progression and metastasis. Inflammation contributes to initiation by inducing the release of a variety of cytokines and chemokines that alert the vasculature to release inflammatory cells and factors into the tissue milieu, thereby causing oxidative damage, DNA mutations, and other changes in the microenvironment, making it more conducive to cell transformation, increased survival and proliferation.
Chronic inflammation appears to contribute to tumor progression by establishing a milieu conducive to development of different cancers. However the precise mechanism by which it does so remains to be determined. Infection is a common cause of inflammation, and evidence indicates that the presence of microbes can be a cofactor in the tumor promoting effects of inflammation.
Tumor cells produce various substances that attract inflammatory cells, which then secrete an array of soluble mediators. These further stimulate proliferation of the initiated cell, tissue disruption in the stroma, and tumor growth. Leukocyte infiltration, and particularly macrophages, can lead to enhanced angiogenesis, which is associated with a poor prognosis in some tissues.
The role of inflammation in metastasis is less well defined than its roles in cancer initiation and progression. The soluble mediators secreted by tumor-associated leukocytes promote cell motility, and induce angiogenesis, vascular dilation and extravasation of tumor cells. Particularly interesting is the recent finding that metastatic cells leave the tumor as microcolonies, containing lymphocytes and platelets as well as the tumor cell. Inflammation continues to play a role at metastatic sites by creating a cytokine milieu conducive to tumor growth.
Although there is a strong association between chronic inflammation and cancer, investigators have not yet uncovered all the molecules, pathways, and mechanisms involved, and numerous questions remain to be resolved about the mechanisms and targets of pro-inflammatory mediators of tumor development. These are articulated in the body of the report and the recommendations that follow. Furthermore, to understand the role of inflammation in tumor formation and progression, we also need to understand its role in maintaining homeostasis and responding to damage in normal tissue. An appreciation of the importance of inflammation has already led to clinical trials of anti-inflammatory drugs (e.g., COX-2 inhibitors) for cancer prophylaxis and treatment. The results obtained will provide clues to the dominant mechanisms at work, and will help in the design of a new generation of interventions.
These represent very small potions of the articles.
Comments
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The boss!!Rewriter said:To my favorite nag
Good morning, Boss
Claudia, one of the reasons that this message board is one of the best discussions available of UPSC and even of cancer in general is because you never stop looking for and sharing relevant information. THANK YOU.
Jill
Hi Claudia.....as I have said before, I research nothing and gain a great deal from your posts on this site as they are positive. Do have a question and a niggling concern however, do you give yourself quality time to smell the roses as you worry about us so much?
Celia0 -
karmacleo said:The boss!!
Hi Claudia.....as I have said before, I research nothing and gain a great deal from your posts on this site as they are positive. Do have a question and a niggling concern however, do you give yourself quality time to smell the roses as you worry about us so much?
Celia
Funny you should ask. I have been considering just that subject of late. I have realized that I have spent almost all of my time over the past two years, doing research, reading posts, researching other's concerns and typing so much both of my hands now hurt. In a few weeks I will be exiting the board for a number of reasons. The first is that realization, that this i s all I've been doing for the past two years. I have felt compelled to help as much as I can and have ended up trying to whip all you guys into working as hard at this as I have. Now I see that you all most likely had the right idea, spending most of your time not obsessing over what is the right thing to do.
I don't like to be unprepared. I do feel that I'm there at this point. Things may come up that I don't know anything or enough about, but I'll deal with them as they arise. I seldom go out. Groceries and basic needs, but seldom for personal contact. And the sad thing is, I love people. I so enjoy company. It's a real shame I've lost so much over this time period. But it is what it is. I intend on changing all that.
I am a singularly focused individual. One night recently in the wee, wee hours of the morning, I was walking around my living room contemplating how this year had gone, and faced up to the fact that I had been on the express no stop train to Cancerville. Well, I took the opportunity to feel that train coming into the station, the doors opening and myself taking a huge step off that train onto the platform, the step I did actually take and felt the doors closing as I exited the train to the platform where different choices awaited me. Finally, my ride is over.
I saw signs. One that said Health, Healing and Recovery, Then there was one that said, Connectionville, which would allow me to connect with the people who live around me, to get back in touch with friends I had not taken into my cancer confidence. When I first came on this board, I mentioned to Linda that I was a very private person and didn't choose to post so that everyone could see. Well, I think we can fairly confidently say, I've gotten over that! Good Grief!
And there was the last station platform, where my career and future in the world of financial success awaited me. So, to answer you question, I have not smelled but one rose in the last two years. I do feel confident enough to go forward and not be afraid of being blind sided. I think I know what could await me out there in the future, but I also feel if I apply diligently, the things I have learned over the last few years, I may be able to affect my future health in the most positive manner possible.
So, overall health, not just cancer.
Connections with the outside world. Reconnect with friends.
Career that will support me. Poverty has not agreed with me. I have found financial poverty to be profoundly depressing. Actually, that is the second reason why I am losing the internet, phone and cable. I simply can't afford them. I had a choice to make and I chose the old familiarity of past tv shows to the daily shows now. If I make more than a mere pittance, my insurance gets cancelled, even if I only go over the amount for one month and being able to get back on only happens every two years or so, so I just can't risk it, not just yet anyway.
To lighten my overall mood and to help me pull my being out of the cancer world, I have gone on amazon and ordered some of the older tv shows that used to make me laugh so. I am enjoying them. I will pay attention to the advice given me by Mary Ann in regards to visualization. It is something I have yet to apply although I have been reading the book she sent. So I find myself as guilty as all of you of not heeding sound advice when given. I have never professed to not be a hypocrite. I always admit my flaws. What chance is there for change if we refuse to see ourselves for how we truly are?
I will check in periodically from the local library. But names change, people will come and go and in the end I will miss the daily contact. Emails have been a blessing. and I thank every one of you who kept in touch with me through emails. I will still be able to access them but only seldom.
Ask a simple direct question and off I go. Roses, only one, only once, for a moment.
Thanks for asking.
My email is claudiaallen27@yahoo.com would welcome any of you who like to keep in touch. I will respond as I am able
My love and respect to you all and thank you for the time you have taken to acknowledge, and chastise me. I've loved it all.
Claudia0 -
Claudia,california_artist said:karma
Funny you should ask. I have been considering just that subject of late. I have realized that I have spent almost all of my time over the past two years, doing research, reading posts, researching other's concerns and typing so much both of my hands now hurt. In a few weeks I will be exiting the board for a number of reasons. The first is that realization, that this i s all I've been doing for the past two years. I have felt compelled to help as much as I can and have ended up trying to whip all you guys into working as hard at this as I have. Now I see that you all most likely had the right idea, spending most of your time not obsessing over what is the right thing to do.
I don't like to be unprepared. I do feel that I'm there at this point. Things may come up that I don't know anything or enough about, but I'll deal with them as they arise. I seldom go out. Groceries and basic needs, but seldom for personal contact. And the sad thing is, I love people. I so enjoy company. It's a real shame I've lost so much over this time period. But it is what it is. I intend on changing all that.
I am a singularly focused individual. One night recently in the wee, wee hours of the morning, I was walking around my living room contemplating how this year had gone, and faced up to the fact that I had been on the express no stop train to Cancerville. Well, I took the opportunity to feel that train coming into the station, the doors opening and myself taking a huge step off that train onto the platform, the step I did actually take and felt the doors closing as I exited the train to the platform where different choices awaited me. Finally, my ride is over.
I saw signs. One that said Health, Healing and Recovery, Then there was one that said, Connectionville, which would allow me to connect with the people who live around me, to get back in touch with friends I had not taken into my cancer confidence. When I first came on this board, I mentioned to Linda that I was a very private person and didn't choose to post so that everyone could see. Well, I think we can fairly confidently say, I've gotten over that! Good Grief!
And there was the last station platform, where my career and future in the world of financial success awaited me. So, to answer you question, I have not smelled but one rose in the last two years. I do feel confident enough to go forward and not be afraid of being blind sided. I think I know what could await me out there in the future, but I also feel if I apply diligently, the things I have learned over the last few years, I may be able to affect my future health in the most positive manner possible.
So, overall health, not just cancer.
Connections with the outside world. Reconnect with friends.
Career that will support me. Poverty has not agreed with me. I have found financial poverty to be profoundly depressing. Actually, that is the second reason why I am losing the internet, phone and cable. I simply can't afford them. I had a choice to make and I chose the old familiarity of past tv shows to the daily shows now. If I make more than a mere pittance, my insurance gets cancelled, even if I only go over the amount for one month and being able to get back on only happens every two years or so, so I just can't risk it, not just yet anyway.
To lighten my overall mood and to help me pull my being out of the cancer world, I have gone on amazon and ordered some of the older tv shows that used to make me laugh so. I am enjoying them. I will pay attention to the advice given me by Mary Ann in regards to visualization. It is something I have yet to apply although I have been reading the book she sent. So I find myself as guilty as all of you of not heeding sound advice when given. I have never professed to not be a hypocrite. I always admit my flaws. What chance is there for change if we refuse to see ourselves for how we truly are?
I will check in periodically from the local library. But names change, people will come and go and in the end I will miss the daily contact. Emails have been a blessing. and I thank every one of you who kept in touch with me through emails. I will still be able to access them but only seldom.
Ask a simple direct question and off I go. Roses, only one, only once, for a moment.
Thanks for asking.
My email is claudiaallen27@yahoo.com would welcome any of you who like to keep in touch. I will respond as I am able
My love and respect to you all and thank you for the time you have taken to acknowledge, and chastise me. I've loved it all.
Claudia
I think your posts could turn into a book or a song or a blog - I guess we are all blogging here in "Cancerville". I think that your metamorphosis in so wonderful - like a butterfly. I like the analogy of the train. We all make stops -some we should and some we shouldn't and sometimes we miss our stop and have to come back to it. That is such a cool analogy.
I think that your hiatus from having the internet so "all-available" day and night will give you time to spread your wings in other directions. Have you ever thought of being the "artist-in-residence" in you humble community?????. I AM serious, dear lady. We had a local Florida artist who lived in France - Monet's old digs - for most of the year and he ran an art school there - people traveled from all over to stay at his villa and take pricey lessons. You could put your little berg on the map. Stranger things have happened!! You are very talented - I think the library would put on an exhibit of your work and don't forget local businesses - you could allow them to hang your work with their substantial price tags and I predict you will have many sales and requests for sales. There must be a newspaper there - talk to a reporter and suggest they do a feature on YOU!!! Just a suggestion.
I love my lovely flying goose - I think I'll name her Claudia who is taking flight too!!! Lovely. You are embarking on a wonderful JOYFUL adventure - and we were all around to witness it - So cool.
Blessings, Keep the vision. Mary Ann0 -
Mary Anndaisy366 said:Claudia,
I think your posts could turn into a book or a song or a blog - I guess we are all blogging here in "Cancerville". I think that your metamorphosis in so wonderful - like a butterfly. I like the analogy of the train. We all make stops -some we should and some we shouldn't and sometimes we miss our stop and have to come back to it. That is such a cool analogy.
I think that your hiatus from having the internet so "all-available" day and night will give you time to spread your wings in other directions. Have you ever thought of being the "artist-in-residence" in you humble community?????. I AM serious, dear lady. We had a local Florida artist who lived in France - Monet's old digs - for most of the year and he ran an art school there - people traveled from all over to stay at his villa and take pricey lessons. You could put your little berg on the map. Stranger things have happened!! You are very talented - I think the library would put on an exhibit of your work and don't forget local businesses - you could allow them to hang your work with their substantial price tags and I predict you will have many sales and requests for sales. There must be a newspaper there - talk to a reporter and suggest they do a feature on YOU!!! Just a suggestion.
I love my lovely flying goose - I think I'll name her Claudia who is taking flight too!!! Lovely. You are embarking on a wonderful JOYFUL adventure - and we were all around to witness it - So cool.
Blessings, Keep the vision. Mary Ann
When you were talking about Gwendolynne, I remembered part of what I had written on the gallery about her, so I went over there, re read it and felt it appropriate for this moment. A moment when I, most of us, are gathering our strength and determination to stay the length and breadth of this course we find ourselves on, and felt I would share it with everyone.
On Gwendolynne: She is my beacon for the future. I reach for her aspirations of acheiving her goals with all the strength and determination she is capable of putting forth. Or something like that.
Gwendolynne is a part of the Moments in Life series. She represents oneself at the moment when vital decisions have been made, all is ready, and the journey begins. There is a feeling of enormous determination in her upswept wings and outstretched neck. As I looked at the painting, I kept on putting myself in that position, the position of strength, of having a specific goal and of determination, and had continuing feelings of foreboding. I wanted to take actual fine filament fishing line and wrap a tangle of it around her foot, hanging down, but drifting backwards loosely, to represent the fact that in this life, no matter how prepared or determined we are, at any moment, some arbitrary, unknown factor can suddenly pull us completely off course or knock us off our feet.
It was sold in its original form, but in my mind's eye, I will always see that jumble of twisted twine. I feel it in my daily life. Perhaps we all do. Right now, in my own life, that twine is wrapping tighter and I have little control over the outcome.
There is something that I would change at this point however, and that is that now, while I am aware that I cannot control what happens, I can look far enought ahead to be prepared for what I might find. I don't feel quite so that I can be tripped up so unexpectedly. The tripping has already occured.
Your friend,
Claudia
I have had a show at the library. All I can say is, it's not California.0 -
Awesome Wordscalifornia_artist said:Mary Ann
When you were talking about Gwendolynne, I remembered part of what I had written on the gallery about her, so I went over there, re read it and felt it appropriate for this moment. A moment when I, most of us, are gathering our strength and determination to stay the length and breadth of this course we find ourselves on, and felt I would share it with everyone.
On Gwendolynne: She is my beacon for the future. I reach for her aspirations of acheiving her goals with all the strength and determination she is capable of putting forth. Or something like that.
Gwendolynne is a part of the Moments in Life series. She represents oneself at the moment when vital decisions have been made, all is ready, and the journey begins. There is a feeling of enormous determination in her upswept wings and outstretched neck. As I looked at the painting, I kept on putting myself in that position, the position of strength, of having a specific goal and of determination, and had continuing feelings of foreboding. I wanted to take actual fine filament fishing line and wrap a tangle of it around her foot, hanging down, but drifting backwards loosely, to represent the fact that in this life, no matter how prepared or determined we are, at any moment, some arbitrary, unknown factor can suddenly pull us completely off course or knock us off our feet.
It was sold in its original form, but in my mind's eye, I will always see that jumble of twisted twine. I feel it in my daily life. Perhaps we all do. Right now, in my own life, that twine is wrapping tighter and I have little control over the outcome.
There is something that I would change at this point however, and that is that now, while I am aware that I cannot control what happens, I can look far enought ahead to be prepared for what I might find. I don't feel quite so that I can be tripped up so unexpectedly. The tripping has already occured.
Your friend,
Claudia
I have had a show at the library. All I can say is, it's not California.
Claudia...
You have awed me with your words tonite.
"at any moment, some arbitrary, unknown factor can suddenly pull us completely off course or knock us off our feet."
There have been many moments like that in my life...the 2 most telling were the moment my husband died in front of my eyes and the day I looked the oby-gyn in the eyes as he gave me the preliminary diagnosis. Having survived the first I was determined to do my level best to survive the second or at very least live it with passion till it was over.
So very much of what I have learned about cancer and spirit and survival has come from the words you and Linda and Mary Ann and others have shared here. Selfishly I will miss your research, your gentle (OK maybe not so gentle) nagging, your humor and your concern for all of us. Even in the short time I've been on this board, I have benefited greatly from your generosity. Thank you.
Still, there comes a time when we have to let go of what the cancer has brought us and get back out there in the world living life with as much passion and boldness as we possess. I admire that this is where you are. I have not been on this path as long as you have, but, as long as you don't mind some company...I'm following right behind you.
There is a book that has not one thing to do with cancer, but everything about reaching out for life and living it. I recommend it highly. I originally bought it knowing nothing about the book itself, but loving the title:
Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn by Kris Radish
It is an easy read and a very empowering book. They may have it at your library.
As for your library showing...no library gallery is like a California library gallery ('cept maybe New York). Still small town is not so shabby a spot to re-enter the art world. Methinks you could possibly write as well...you've done a bang up job here this evening...I loved the imagery you drew with your words of the painting...particularly your mental addition of the loose string.
My last thought refers to that string...the gossamer strands that bind us all one to another...as human beings...as women...as cancer survivors. This is how I envision the string in your painting...one of connectedness.
May you dance naked at the edge of dawn.
Josie0 -
JosieOutlaw_Josie said:Awesome Words
Claudia...
You have awed me with your words tonite.
"at any moment, some arbitrary, unknown factor can suddenly pull us completely off course or knock us off our feet."
There have been many moments like that in my life...the 2 most telling were the moment my husband died in front of my eyes and the day I looked the oby-gyn in the eyes as he gave me the preliminary diagnosis. Having survived the first I was determined to do my level best to survive the second or at very least live it with passion till it was over.
So very much of what I have learned about cancer and spirit and survival has come from the words you and Linda and Mary Ann and others have shared here. Selfishly I will miss your research, your gentle (OK maybe not so gentle) nagging, your humor and your concern for all of us. Even in the short time I've been on this board, I have benefited greatly from your generosity. Thank you.
Still, there comes a time when we have to let go of what the cancer has brought us and get back out there in the world living life with as much passion and boldness as we possess. I admire that this is where you are. I have not been on this path as long as you have, but, as long as you don't mind some company...I'm following right behind you.
There is a book that has not one thing to do with cancer, but everything about reaching out for life and living it. I recommend it highly. I originally bought it knowing nothing about the book itself, but loving the title:
Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn by Kris Radish
It is an easy read and a very empowering book. They may have it at your library.
As for your library showing...no library gallery is like a California library gallery ('cept maybe New York). Still small town is not so shabby a spot to re-enter the art world. Methinks you could possibly write as well...you've done a bang up job here this evening...I loved the imagery you drew with your words of the painting...particularly your mental addition of the loose string.
My last thought refers to that string...the gossamer strands that bind us all one to another...as human beings...as women...as cancer survivors. This is how I envision the string in your painting...one of connectedness.
May you dance naked at the edge of dawn.
Josie
I will read the book. And I may dance at the edge of dawn. But please Lord, don't let me naked. It ain't pretty anymore.
Amen
Will carry you gossamer strands with me on my ever continuing journey.
Love and hugs,
Claudia
I love words like "methinks". I find myself speaking in olde English when I'm just rambling.
I really like the feel of connectedness. feels unalone.
There ought to a be make 'em up as you needs 'em dictionary.0 -
Methinkscalifornia_artist said:Josie
I will read the book. And I may dance at the edge of dawn. But please Lord, don't let me naked. It ain't pretty anymore.
Amen
Will carry you gossamer strands with me on my ever continuing journey.
Love and hugs,
Claudia
I love words like "methinks". I find myself speaking in olde English when I'm just rambling.
I really like the feel of connectedness. feels unalone.
There ought to a be make 'em up as you needs 'em dictionary.
I have in the last several years accumulated an odd concoction of online friends across this planet. Along with their friendship, they have shared their manner of speech with me. As we "talk" together, we often make up things that seem to fit the moment and then they become part of our common speech. For example, my use of sumbunny, everybunny, effen, wanna wonder, flit, coory doon (snuggle down), good onya, etc came from these loverly peeps in my life.
Yes...please do read the book...and dance...maybe even naked cuz nobunny has to see...when you are ready it won't matter anyway.
You couldn't lose those strands even if you tried...they are ever there...ever letting you know that even when you are alone you are not quite so much so to ever be completely lost. (or, at least, that's what I choose to believe.)
As you journey remember the point is to slide in at the last moment hair flyin', all pooped out and holler "woooo, baby...what a ride."0 -
Methinks.....Outlaw_Josie said:Methinks
I have in the last several years accumulated an odd concoction of online friends across this planet. Along with their friendship, they have shared their manner of speech with me. As we "talk" together, we often make up things that seem to fit the moment and then they become part of our common speech. For example, my use of sumbunny, everybunny, effen, wanna wonder, flit, coory doon (snuggle down), good onya, etc came from these loverly peeps in my life.
Yes...please do read the book...and dance...maybe even naked cuz nobunny has to see...when you are ready it won't matter anyway.
You couldn't lose those strands even if you tried...they are ever there...ever letting you know that even when you are alone you are not quite so much so to ever be completely lost. (or, at least, that's what I choose to believe.)
As you journey remember the point is to slide in at the last moment hair flyin', all pooped out and holler "woooo, baby...what a ride."
That you and perhaps other talented people here could compile a book of art, poetry, prose, short stories, about US. How cool would that be.
When you talk of the threads holding you down a bit, don't forget Gwendolynne has that sharp beak and the determination ready to cut through ANYTHING that is holding her back!!! Go girl, go!!! She is our point bird for the flight!!!
What thinkest thee, ladies?????0 -
Methinks and other thingsdaisy366 said:Methinks.....
That you and perhaps other talented people here could compile a book of art, poetry, prose, short stories, about US. How cool would that be.
When you talk of the threads holding you down a bit, don't forget Gwendolynne has that sharp beak and the determination ready to cut through ANYTHING that is holding her back!!! Go girl, go!!! She is our point bird for the flight!!!
What thinkest thee, ladies?????
I think it reminds of a simpler time.
I think we should have a party SOMEWHERE. I would strongly suggest it not be here.
I'll let my brain think on it a bit. You all think too.
speaking of olde English, anyone familiar with Black Adder?? Talk about funny things, wait were we talking about death. I forget.
Speaking of death, I mentioned to my daughter one day, that I never had a moment;s thought or worry about whether or not I died during surgery. We both had such a varying view of the situation. My thought went something like this. I go into surgery, I die. I don't know I died. So what's there to worry about.
If there is a heaven then, good news for me, I’ve very little to worry about I’ve always tried to do the best for everyone. If not. I might never know I died, so no worries there. My daughter couldn't get my point of view at all. She was stuck in worry about whether or not she would live, cause she had things to do. Well, it's not that I don't have things I'd like to do, but if I'm dead and don't know I'm ded, ah. Won’t know I can’t do them. Can't stress strongly enough that, I might not know. As I’ve said more than once, I am not smart enough to determine if there is or is not a God. Really lean towards the it would be nice if there was one. I actually feel joyful for the people who believe. Imagine knowing that when you die you get to go to heaven. Don’t really understand why they would fight to live though if the next step is way better than this. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to get some of you to heed my advice, as what follows is in your view much more appealing. That’s great. I can understand that.
This, the ability to not worry, is such an odd thing for me on some levels, cause I can practically have a heart attack if a boss asks me typeout a letter. Severe, dastardly perfommance anxiety. But, if I'm unconscious, what is there to preform,eh?? I have white coat syndrome too, my blood pressure temperature and heart rate all go up to the point that I am always prescribed immediate bp meds. Can't seem to get across to the docs that it's a psychological response and I'm fine and dandy at home. Once I arranged for the nurse practitioner from the doctor's office to come to my home and take my blood pressure cause he was so mad at me for not taking the meds as my pressusre was very high. She came, took it and called him from my house to inform him that it was perfectly normal. He really couldn't get a grip on the whole thing. Hopefully he was less persistent in prescriping and insisting people take meds who say they have white coat syndrome.
On the day of my surgery, just as they were checking me in and asking me to get dressed, they took my blood pressure and it was low even for my normal, because I had researched and prepared mentally for whatever the outcome.
Phewy!
Claudia0 -
JosieOutlaw_Josie said:Awesome Words
Claudia...
You have awed me with your words tonite.
"at any moment, some arbitrary, unknown factor can suddenly pull us completely off course or knock us off our feet."
There have been many moments like that in my life...the 2 most telling were the moment my husband died in front of my eyes and the day I looked the oby-gyn in the eyes as he gave me the preliminary diagnosis. Having survived the first I was determined to do my level best to survive the second or at very least live it with passion till it was over.
So very much of what I have learned about cancer and spirit and survival has come from the words you and Linda and Mary Ann and others have shared here. Selfishly I will miss your research, your gentle (OK maybe not so gentle) nagging, your humor and your concern for all of us. Even in the short time I've been on this board, I have benefited greatly from your generosity. Thank you.
Still, there comes a time when we have to let go of what the cancer has brought us and get back out there in the world living life with as much passion and boldness as we possess. I admire that this is where you are. I have not been on this path as long as you have, but, as long as you don't mind some company...I'm following right behind you.
There is a book that has not one thing to do with cancer, but everything about reaching out for life and living it. I recommend it highly. I originally bought it knowing nothing about the book itself, but loving the title:
Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn by Kris Radish
It is an easy read and a very empowering book. They may have it at your library.
As for your library showing...no library gallery is like a California library gallery ('cept maybe New York). Still small town is not so shabby a spot to re-enter the art world. Methinks you could possibly write as well...you've done a bang up job here this evening...I loved the imagery you drew with your words of the painting...particularly your mental addition of the loose string.
My last thought refers to that string...the gossamer strands that bind us all one to another...as human beings...as women...as cancer survivors. This is how I envision the string in your painting...one of connectedness.
May you dance naked at the edge of dawn.
Josie
When you mentioned that your husband died in front of your eyes, I was too overcome to even have a response. Then when I thought about it more, I still didn't know what to say or how to repsond other than to say, how horrible and life changing that had to have been. Is there anything else you would like to say about it, or is putting it out there enough?
I'm here or at my email address if you care to talk further. claudiaallen27@yahoo.com
With caring,
Claudia0 -
Deathcalifornia_artist said:Josie
When you mentioned that your husband died in front of your eyes, I was too overcome to even have a response. Then when I thought about it more, I still didn't know what to say or how to repsond other than to say, how horrible and life changing that had to have been. Is there anything else you would like to say about it, or is putting it out there enough?
I'm here or at my email address if you care to talk further. claudiaallen27@yahoo.com
With caring,
Claudia
First...Black Adder...hysterical...loved that show...love most Brit comedy...my late hubby was hooked on an oldie called Bennie Hill.
After 7 1/2 years it no longer spooks me to talk of Jim's dying. He had a major stroke and heart attack in our living room after having been scared by a snake slithering across his hand as he was outside working on an old pop-up camper for my daughter and her then fiance. He had nitroglycerin for the angina he was left with after 3 heart attacks over a 7 year period, so he came in to take one, then the second and died before he could take the 3rd. The kicker was that between the first and second he went back outside and killed the snake because he didn't want my then 7 year old grand daughter or her friends to find it and get bitten.
The trauma of seeing my son struggle to do CPR until the EMT's arrived less than 10 minutes later. He was gone before they got there...we all knew exactly when he left us...it was very hard to get that movie out of my head...still comes back now and again, but with a lot of hard work I've taught myself to rewind it.
He was a good man, my first everything and I still miss him. Listen to Alan Jackson's Small Town Southern Man sometime...it's a perfect picture of my Jim and how he lived his life.
He taught me a lot about loving people unconditionally during our almost 31 years together. He wasn't perfect, but he was perfect for me. And as crazy as it may sound it was his love and his love of life that gave me the courage to open my heart again when Mr. New Jersey (another nickname for my Handyman) unexpectedly came along.
Not to belabor this but I learned a lot about myself as a survivor struggling to pull myself out of the depression that threatened to lose me in it's grip and learning to love life again after his death.
A lot of that has helped me as I worked through this cancer business. I remember as I was telling my mother the diagnosis that I was sad, but that I was not afraid. I recall telling her that it would be what ever it would be. That is true now as well.
So...there ya go...more than you prolly wanted to know...thanks for caring enough to ask.
Josie0 -
Josie
Oh, NO Mr. Bill!!!!! When I get some spare money, that would be something to order that would keep me laughing. Think Bennie Hill changed a generation.
Actually, I very much am appreciative of your sharing.
This whole thread, in its rambling easy way, the way it brings up idea built on idea, reminds me very much of days gone by when sitting in a coffee house of sorts in the village was an easy yet thought provoking wat to spend the time. Really, deep down miss those times.
Funny thing happened this year I just remembered. My almost exhusband, with whom I have had not contact for nearly forty years, is suddenly back in my life. His was one of the other thoughts at those coffee discussions. After all these years, it is still as easy and fascinating talking with him as it was all those years ago. Life is strange but I'm happier with him in my life than without. He's remarried and she is less than thrilled that our divorce is not yet finalized. It's a paper mix up of sorts and truthfully neither of us is in any hurry to fix it.
Who needs to pay for therapy or entertainment for that matter when there is all of-----this.
Love you all,
Claudia
This is the one with the Queen and my personal favorite, Josie, in case you're interested.this is from the amazon.com site.
Black Adder II ~ Rowan Atkinson (DVD - Jun 26, 2001)
Buy new: $19.98 $17.49
22 new from $13.705 used from $13.74
Get it by Monday, Jan 4 if you order in the next 14 hours and choose one-day shipping.
Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping.0 -
Therapycalifornia_artist said:Josie
Oh, NO Mr. Bill!!!!! When I get some spare money, that would be something to order that would keep me laughing. Think Bennie Hill changed a generation.
Actually, I very much am appreciative of your sharing.
This whole thread, in its rambling easy way, the way it brings up idea built on idea, reminds me very much of days gone by when sitting in a coffee house of sorts in the village was an easy yet thought provoking wat to spend the time. Really, deep down miss those times.
Funny thing happened this year I just remembered. My almost exhusband, with whom I have had not contact for nearly forty years, is suddenly back in my life. His was one of the other thoughts at those coffee discussions. After all these years, it is still as easy and fascinating talking with him as it was all those years ago. Life is strange but I'm happier with him in my life than without. He's remarried and she is less than thrilled that our divorce is not yet finalized. It's a paper mix up of sorts and truthfully neither of us is in any hurry to fix it.
Who needs to pay for therapy or entertainment for that matter when there is all of-----this.
Love you all,
Claudia
This is the one with the Queen and my personal favorite, Josie, in case you're interested.this is from the amazon.com site.
Black Adder II ~ Rowan Atkinson (DVD - Jun 26, 2001)
Buy new: $19.98 $17.49
22 new from $13.705 used from $13.74
Get it by Monday, Jan 4 if you order in the next 14 hours and choose one-day shipping.
Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping.
"Who needs to pay for therapy or entertainment for that matter when there is all of-----this."
Gotta concur with that. Also the coffee house feel some of these threads get...I think it's inevitable as we become more comfortable with one another to share those tangental thoughts that someone's comment will evoke. Maybe makes us more real in this disembodied little cyber-world.
Interesting bit about your not quite Ex....wanna wonder if the universe is telling you something...even if it's just that he is great as a friend in way he might not have been as a husband. Hope you and the not quite wife can come to a meeting place on this relationship.
Thanks for the hedzup on that Black Adder tape/cd (whatever) think I'll put a bug in sumbunny's ear for Valentine's Day.
On that note, I'm off to NC for a few days playing with Mr. New Jersey's (and now mine) 3 grand y'uns. It should be spectacularly chaotic. (As could be leaving this house in the care of my messy daughter and even messier her crew....OY.) Then I return to work on Jan. 4 after 7 weeks off for this surgery..I think I'm more mentally than physically ready, but I seriously need to collect a paycheck again...for some reason the power company wants their $$$. Go figure.
Happy New Year to all and keep those inflamations in check.
Josie0 -
Will Miss you Claudia!california_artist said:Josie
Oh, NO Mr. Bill!!!!! When I get some spare money, that would be something to order that would keep me laughing. Think Bennie Hill changed a generation.
Actually, I very much am appreciative of your sharing.
This whole thread, in its rambling easy way, the way it brings up idea built on idea, reminds me very much of days gone by when sitting in a coffee house of sorts in the village was an easy yet thought provoking wat to spend the time. Really, deep down miss those times.
Funny thing happened this year I just remembered. My almost exhusband, with whom I have had not contact for nearly forty years, is suddenly back in my life. His was one of the other thoughts at those coffee discussions. After all these years, it is still as easy and fascinating talking with him as it was all those years ago. Life is strange but I'm happier with him in my life than without. He's remarried and she is less than thrilled that our divorce is not yet finalized. It's a paper mix up of sorts and truthfully neither of us is in any hurry to fix it.
Who needs to pay for therapy or entertainment for that matter when there is all of-----this.
Love you all,
Claudia
This is the one with the Queen and my personal favorite, Josie, in case you're interested.this is from the amazon.com site.
Black Adder II ~ Rowan Atkinson (DVD - Jun 26, 2001)
Buy new: $19.98 $17.49
22 new from $13.705 used from $13.74
Get it by Monday, Jan 4 if you order in the next 14 hours and choose one-day shipping.
Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping.
Claudia.....
I know that you are planning to retreat a bit from this site, and although I will miss your posts tremendously, I certainly understand. I think it is easier to implement some of the nuggets of info you have found, (especially from the Anticancer book) when one is able to focus on them, rather than continually searching for something new. Not that we don't need to be looking for exciting new info, but just that a little breather sometimes is good for the soul! I also think that a little break from all of the research will help you focus more on YOU and help you take some important steps in your life that will be positive for YOU! Several of the women on this site used some great imagery of the goose, Gwendolynne, that you painted..... Mary Ann sees the goose as YOU “taking flight too… embarking on a wonderful JOYFUL adventure”! I like that visualization!!
Your explanation of the painting really sums things up so well…."She represents oneself at the moment when vital decisions have been made, all is ready, and the journey begins. There is a feeling of enormous determination in her upswept wings and outstretched neck."
You have been such an inspiration to so many of us! Your drive to seek out new information and share it so graciously, to nag us all a bit when we needed it, to inspire us to work harder at staying well, to remind us that turmeric and ginger are GOOD for us, and most importantly, all motivated because of your sincere sense of caring and concern for everyone. You have a wonderful way with words and have a great sense of humor. You tell it like it is!! You are truly a talented individual and I can hardly wait to see where you go on your journey!
I know you will only post occasionally but believe me, when I see a post from the California Artist, I will click on it immediately to see what you are up to…. I will miss you and yet, I am so happy you have made a decision to pursue a more balanced life for yourself! Go for it, Claudia!!!
Wishing you the very best, always!
Karen0 -
Karenkkstef said:Will Miss you Claudia!
Claudia.....
I know that you are planning to retreat a bit from this site, and although I will miss your posts tremendously, I certainly understand. I think it is easier to implement some of the nuggets of info you have found, (especially from the Anticancer book) when one is able to focus on them, rather than continually searching for something new. Not that we don't need to be looking for exciting new info, but just that a little breather sometimes is good for the soul! I also think that a little break from all of the research will help you focus more on YOU and help you take some important steps in your life that will be positive for YOU! Several of the women on this site used some great imagery of the goose, Gwendolynne, that you painted..... Mary Ann sees the goose as YOU “taking flight too… embarking on a wonderful JOYFUL adventure”! I like that visualization!!
Your explanation of the painting really sums things up so well…."She represents oneself at the moment when vital decisions have been made, all is ready, and the journey begins. There is a feeling of enormous determination in her upswept wings and outstretched neck."
You have been such an inspiration to so many of us! Your drive to seek out new information and share it so graciously, to nag us all a bit when we needed it, to inspire us to work harder at staying well, to remind us that turmeric and ginger are GOOD for us, and most importantly, all motivated because of your sincere sense of caring and concern for everyone. You have a wonderful way with words and have a great sense of humor. You tell it like it is!! You are truly a talented individual and I can hardly wait to see where you go on your journey!
I know you will only post occasionally but believe me, when I see a post from the California Artist, I will click on it immediately to see what you are up to…. I will miss you and yet, I am so happy you have made a decision to pursue a more balanced life for yourself! Go for it, Claudia!!!
Wishing you the very best, always!
Karen
You comments are so very much appreciated. You know that old diddy, nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to eat some worms.
sometimes after I've reallly gone on a rant or poured my heart out and there is no response, I just kinda wonder.
so, again, thanks, it's good to hear.
Love and smushy hugs,
Claudia
P.S. Last night, I actually started to read a novel. There is progress for me.0 -
Dear Claudiacalifornia_artist said:Karen
You comments are so very much appreciated. You know that old diddy, nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to eat some worms.
sometimes after I've reallly gone on a rant or poured my heart out and there is no response, I just kinda wonder.
so, again, thanks, it's good to hear.
Love and smushy hugs,
Claudia
P.S. Last night, I actually started to read a novel. There is progress for me.
I started read novel too, till I didn`t start reading Anticancer and The china study simultaneously with natural compound in cancer therapy. Don`t worry, you are not throwing the pearl to swine (that is what we are saying at home when is no response)
Sorry, I have to go now.0 -
Check in please!!culka said:Dear Claudia
I started read novel too, till I didn`t start reading Anticancer and The china study simultaneously with natural compound in cancer therapy. Don`t worry, you are not throwing the pearl to swine (that is what we are saying at home when is no response)
Sorry, I have to go now.
Hi Claudia. I can't contribute much to this site as treatment...and certainly insurance, I get very angry when you talk of having to battle to have scans etc.....differ but I gain a great deal from it. I think that you should report in so that we know how you are and can nag accordingly if those roses are neglected. I think you have neglected you, not good for the soul. Ce.0 -
Claudia Love the Picturecalifornia_artist said:Karen
You comments are so very much appreciated. You know that old diddy, nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to eat some worms.
sometimes after I've reallly gone on a rant or poured my heart out and there is no response, I just kinda wonder.
so, again, thanks, it's good to hear.
Love and smushy hugs,
Claudia
P.S. Last night, I actually started to read a novel. There is progress for me.
Best wishes in your new endeavors....I will keep your email and touch base with you!
Thanks for all your help!
Laurie0
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