This may be my last Christmas, or so I'm told.

butterfly23
butterfly23 Member Posts: 256
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hi Everyone, I haven't written because I've had alot going on, I'll try to keep it short. In the middle of the night last Thurs I went to the Hosp. I had severe pains in my lower back but kinda on the side, I thought maybe gall bladder. After x-rays and blood work, I was sent home and told to to enemas and stool softners, I was completely backed up, due to all the pain meds I take (I have mets to lungs and spine). I did this for a few days and nothing, my Dr. told me to go back to Hosp. which was last night. They took soooo many viles of blood, ran tests and did a CAT of abdomen and also a rectal exam which came back normal. After being there for 7hrs. the dr. came in and said my reg Onc. is not on call but his partner is and he looked everything over. They want me to double up on pain meds and try to reg. everything and wanted to know if I wanted to stay at Hosp. or go home. So, I said "what's the difference?" The nurse litteraly said this is probably your last Christmas. Your spots you had 4 months ago on your lungs went from a handful to hundreds! And I probably have new mets to the spine. I have done 6 treat. of xeloda and olyaplatin. I was scheduled for CAT scans on Monday. Obviously this treatment was not for me. My reg. onc. called me this morning. I have never asked him how many months or years do I have left, He's a dr. not God. He did say it is not good news, however I do have another treatment I would like to try on you, so yes I am still treatable. I have never had anyone tell me how much longer I have to live. I must be in shock, my family is a complete mess! I just had an awesome Surprise 40th birthday party! (DISCO THEME) how can this happen a few days later? I feel terrible for my family, they are sooo upset! I am the youngest of 4 children, I am the only family my husband has, luckily we live in an in-law apt downstairs from my parents! I just wanted to share my new news! On a lighter note, I do wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a very healthy and Happy New Year
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Comments

  • pokismom
    pokismom Member Posts: 153
    #2
    So Sorry
    I am so sorry for all your pain and suffering. By reading the boards, I can tell you that the doctors are not a very good judge of time anyone has. Please keep the hope alive, I know its hard but you need to have it. Someone once told me, only god knows how much time we have. Take care....
    Much Love
    Donna
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020 Member
    #3
    Merry christmas
    Merry christmas,and happy new year.I hope you have many more.At least your still treatable,and there is still hope.One thing I have learned over the years is that some nurses are idiots,and only know a little of what they are talking about.They are not god,so don't feel bad yet.Enjoy your holidays.
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876 Member
    #4
    So Sorry
    Hi Sweetie,

    I am sorry you got this news and I understand that you are in a state of shock. HOWEVER, you are still treatable, so try to keep a positive outlook and look forward to the future. I know that's easier said than done, but remember, they're talking statistics, not individuals. I will keep you in my prayers.

    Hugs ,
    Kirsten
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    #5
    I am so sorry you're going through what you are...
    I'm so sorry you're in so much pain.

    Secondly, I'm an RN, and even I wouldn't say anything like that to anyone. Even though I've been called a witch and other names, I have nothing that lets me predict the future. My crystal ball broke long ago. She had no business saying anything like that. Some RN's have become so cynical and so sour in their profession that sometimes I think they need to find a different career. I work with one such nurse who thought I should I just give up and not have the surgery and not have the chemo, because it's cancer, and cancer kills everyone. NOT!!

    There is always hope. You're absolutely right... Their dr's -- not God. Good luck and please don't let what she said get you or your family down. She needed someones dirty sock stuffed in her mouth.

    **HUGS**
  • SandyL
    SandyL Member Posts: 218
    #6
    HollyID said:

    I am so sorry you're going through what you are...
    I'm so sorry you're in so much pain.

    Secondly, I'm an RN, and even I wouldn't say anything like that to anyone. Even though I've been called a witch and other names, I have nothing that lets me predict the future. My crystal ball broke long ago. She had no business saying anything like that. Some RN's have become so cynical and so sour in their profession that sometimes I think they need to find a different career. I work with one such nurse who thought I should I just give up and not have the surgery and not have the chemo, because it's cancer, and cancer kills everyone. NOT!!

    There is always hope. You're absolutely right... Their dr's -- not God. Good luck and please don't let what she said get you or your family down. She needed someones dirty sock stuffed in her mouth.

    **HUGS**

    Butterfly, don't you believe the
    drs. They do not know what you are capable of and unless they are God, they don't know jack. All you need to do is stick around this forum for a few hours and read a few posts and you will see how many of these folks received the same sobering statements from their drs. years ago. Fight it like the rest of these folks have done and continue to do every single day....I hope your Christmas is wonderful-this one and the ones to come.
    Sandy
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #7
    I'm sorry
    I am so sorry, if there was anything I could do to ease your pain and heartache I would so do that for you. As for that nurse, she was so out of line words cannot describe how angry I am at her for talking to you like that. You are fighting for your life, and you already know that, she did not have to add to your misery. Your onc said he has something else to try so don't give up, keep fighting for each hour, each day, each month. I will keep you in my thoughts all weekend and please come back and let us know what the game plan will be. My hubby also has mets to liver and lungs so I know how distresing this can get, I truly understand. Please take care, have a good cry, and try to stay calm until your onc appointment. Best wishes and take care - Tina
  • dianetavegia
    dianetavegia Member Posts: 1,942 Member
    #8
    Oh Karyn
    Karyn, my heart is just breaking for you! I can't believe the nurse would even say such a thing! Even if a doctor had said something like that out in the hallway, she had no right to say those things or guess about your bone mets!

    Next Monday, I'd suggest you call the hospital and talk with someone about her actions. Maybe you can protect someone else from her vile attitude.

    Girl, you are the champion of positive thinking and I'm going to bet things will look a bit different in a week or so. Right now, let's just focus on THIS Christmas and let God worry about next year and all the next years He has planned for you. Heck, any of us could die in any number of ways before next year. Right?

    So, I'm going to be praying, as will many others and I hope you can make this a memorable Christmas for your precious hubby and parents.... one you'll all remember for many years.

    Big hugs and loads of love,
    Diane
  • butterfly23
    butterfly23 Member Posts: 256
    #9
    dianetavegia said:

    Oh Karyn
    Karyn, my heart is just breaking for you! I can't believe the nurse would even say such a thing! Even if a doctor had said something like that out in the hallway, she had no right to say those things or guess about your bone mets!

    Next Monday, I'd suggest you call the hospital and talk with someone about her actions. Maybe you can protect someone else from her vile attitude.

    Girl, you are the champion of positive thinking and I'm going to bet things will look a bit different in a week or so. Right now, let's just focus on THIS Christmas and let God worry about next year and all the next years He has planned for you. Heck, any of us could die in any number of ways before next year. Right?

    So, I'm going to be praying, as will many others and I hope you can make this a memorable Christmas for your precious hubby and parents.... one you'll all remember for many years.

    Big hugs and loads of love,
    Diane

    Hi
    I think I wrote about what the nurse had said, Yes the dr. told her to say it to me. When we were leaving she said how she hates to give bad news out and how some dr. gave her brother-in-law only a few months to live and years later he's fine. She was very sympathetic towards me. He, however is NOT MY dr. and should have sent the reports to my onc. first before telling me this! Thank you all for writing me back.

    p.s. my sister and husband were in the room at one point together yesterday and out of the blue she started to sing a part of the song "you've got a friend" she had no idea of OUR little semi-colon story behind it! STRANGE, but such a good feeling!
    Karyn
  • Julie 44
    Julie 44 Member Posts: 476 Member
    #10
    butterfly23 said:

    Hi
    I think I wrote about what the nurse had said, Yes the dr. told her to say it to me. When we were leaving she said how she hates to give bad news out and how some dr. gave her brother-in-law only a few months to live and years later he's fine. She was very sympathetic towards me. He, however is NOT MY dr. and should have sent the reports to my onc. first before telling me this! Thank you all for writing me back.

    p.s. my sister and husband were in the room at one point together yesterday and out of the blue she started to sing a part of the song "you've got a friend" she had no idea of OUR little semi-colon story behind it! STRANGE, but such a good feeling!
    Karyn

    Hey there
    Karyn,
    Make sure you get a second opinion on what needs to be done next..You are your own advacte so speak up for yourself and don't settle on ANYTHING you don't think is right...Yes I am taking my own advice too....
    Focus all of your thoughts on the minuet at hand otherwise we make ourselves CRAZY....Every tells me not to let cancer define my life... well I am not.....
    They told me it spread to my liver now and its inoperable...I am not excepting that answer and I have an appointment with a liver specialist on Monday..So yes I know how freaked out you are but I also know my family needs to have a "normal" Xmas cause this also might be my last one but I REFUSE to believe that answer REFUSE REFUSE REFUSE.....So hang in there and enjoy your holiday and deal with it from then on...Keep us informed on whats happening.....JULIE
  • just4Brooks
    just4Brooks Member Posts: 980 Member
    #11
    butterfly23 said:

    Hi
    I think I wrote about what the nurse had said, Yes the dr. told her to say it to me. When we were leaving she said how she hates to give bad news out and how some dr. gave her brother-in-law only a few months to live and years later he's fine. She was very sympathetic towards me. He, however is NOT MY dr. and should have sent the reports to my onc. first before telling me this! Thank you all for writing me back.

    p.s. my sister and husband were in the room at one point together yesterday and out of the blue she started to sing a part of the song "you've got a friend" she had no idea of OUR little semi-colon story behind it! STRANGE, but such a good feeling!
    Karyn

    Don't listen to stuped People
    Hi Karyn.. Sorry you got a old WAR HORSE for a nurse that day. That's what we called the mean nurses when I worked in the Med feild. Don't let her or that **** dr ruin your Chistmas. They dont know you our you're will to fight. I read your post and it just made me sooo mad!! Don't listen to stuped people...

    Life is funny sometimes
    Brooks
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #12
    So sorry
    I know this has thrown your Christmas into a whole new gear you wern't expecting. I'm so sorry you had an unfamiliar doctor and nurse who were so insensitive about your feelings. Try to hang on and wait to see your doctor and discuss the other treatment he has for you. I pray that will work better for you.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    #13
    Dear Karyn
    Dear Karyn,
    So sorry that this news was thrown at you right before Christmas. I pray that you have some joy and peace tomorrow. I hope things go well with your onc next week and you get a plan in place that works for you!

    Take care.

    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    #14
    Many more to come!
    Re:
    "They.....
    ...............wanted to know if I wanted to stay at Hosp. or go home.

    So, I said "what's the difference?"

    The nurse litteraly said this is probably your last Christmas."


    It sounds like that "nasty nurse" managed to bring you back to
    your senses and back to the family that you love, for -this- holiday,
    at the very least!

    We all forget at times just how mortal we really are. We might
    be in pain so bad, that it clouds our ability to see clearly.......

    Or so fearful about tomorrow, that we totally forget about living for today.

    I hope you and your family have a very wonderful and special Holiday,
    and many, many more!


    Good Health to all!
  • JDuke
    JDuke Member Posts: 438
    #15
    John23 said:

    Many more to come!
    Re:
    "They.....
    ...............wanted to know if I wanted to stay at Hosp. or go home.

    So, I said "what's the difference?"

    The nurse litteraly said this is probably your last Christmas."


    It sounds like that "nasty nurse" managed to bring you back to
    your senses and back to the family that you love, for -this- holiday,
    at the very least!

    We all forget at times just how mortal we really are. We might
    be in pain so bad, that it clouds our ability to see clearly.......

    Or so fearful about tomorrow, that we totally forget about living for today.

    I hope you and your family have a very wonderful and special Holiday,
    and many, many more!


    Good Health to all!

    Karyn
    I hope you and your family can put this unsettling news on hold and try to enjoy your Christmas for what it is and not what it might be. Soak up the good advice and the encouragement of those here that have been in your shoes. They have walked ahead of you so that the path will be easier for you to follow. Many have been given a "window of time" and proved that the Drs. do not have the power to say how long any of us are going to be here. God is in charge. I am praying for you.
    Warmly,
    Joanne
  • feniks
    feniks Member Posts: 33 Member
    #16
    Butterfly 23
    please look this site:http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/cgi-bin/fulltext/112369714/PDFSTART?CRETRY=1&SRETRY=0.My wife have 9 mets in her right lung and she did surgery on her left lung and took out 13 met.Now we wait another surgery to do right side.This is in Germany.Don't be desperate,Merry Christmas!
  • Topher67
    Topher67 Member Posts: 19
    #17
    So sorry to hear you are
    So sorry to hear you are getting news like that, especially during this time of year. Don't get too mad at the nurse, I'm sure she was only trying to help. I know by working in the medical field that unless your name has the initials "MD" you aren't supposed to say anything that could be considered a diagnosis, and I'm sure she could have "suggested" that you go home for Christmas in a more tactful way. Please, please don't give up hope now. Keep fighting and keep your spirits up as long as possible. It really does make a difference. Best wishes and all my love and support to you and your family. Go get em tiger.

    Merry Christmas and many many more Happy New Years to you.

    Chris

    PS- NO ONE knows how long we are going to be here. Only God knows, and when he is ready for you to return home, he will call you. Until then, you are here as long as he wants or needs you to be. You do not have an expiration date stamped on your foot.
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #18
    Not to be flippant
    but any one of us may not be around next Christmas. Like I've said numerous times, cancer is not the only thing that can take us out.
    I'm sorry that you are not feeling well and even sorrier that you have a bone-headed nurse. Like you mentioned later in your posts, you know someone who was told they had x amount of time and there are still around years later.

    We should all live our days like they are our last because they just might be.
    peace
    -phil
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #19
    Sorry
    So sorry that you haven't been feeling well and then to get this news. It has to be devestating, but glad they still have more options for you. Keep up the hope and wishing you the best of new year. Merry Christmas!

    Kim
  • AceSFO
    AceSFO Member Posts: 229
    #20
    Karyn
    So sorry to hear your news, and am dumbstruck that any medical professional would say such a stupid thing. They have no way of knowing. I think I've posted before about my parent's friend who was diagnosed with stage IV brain cancer which couldn't have been worse. His docs said he had about 3 months tops, so he decided against any form of treatment. That was over ten years ago, and he's doing fine. Hang in there and you know we're all here pulling for you.
    Sending you light and love this Christmas and looking forward to doing the same next Christmas!

    with love,
    Adrian
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    #21
    Doctors are not God
    You are one brave lady and I believe you have many years on this earth, bleepin doctors and nurses it makes me so angry when they give a time scale only God knows whos coming and going. Heck you can be hit by a bus tomorrow can they predict that. You just keep fighting girl, and you will get through this and we are all with you.

    Hugs Sonia

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