Husbands

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  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #22
    newbiefromcananda said:

    ahhh
    my husband isn't the expressive type ..except for the fact that he does not think BEFORE he speaks... I guess I figure that since going thru this that that would change....I am really not sure what I want from him... he is the provider... and once and a while says...you have to get through this ... I know I do... but to keep telling me... wow I have seen some people vent on here and I am just ready to cry... sorry... I just feel so overwhelmed .. I have had 2 chemo treatments and felt pretty good now the emotional stuff has hit and it has hit hard... maybe because its Christmas??... I am bald...finger nails changing colours... feeling sad..... :(

    I can understand you being
    I can understand you being overwhelmed. It's Christmas and you never expected to spend it like this, doing chemo, with no hair, nails doing a self manicure, and so many things you want to do and can't. That would make anyone sad, mad, and ready to cry. And while your husband means well, it's much easier to say you have to get through this than it is to do it. He is scared I am sure and cannot control this and for men that is hard. They fix and this isn't an easy fix. Emotions are often high at the holidays and frankly it's hard to feel all festive and perky when you really feel rather crappy. I don't know if all these fit but I can see where anyone might feel some or all of this. And it's hard to put on the happy face all the time. We not only face this breast, we often are spending time reassure our family and friends we are okay. So vent to us, cry with us, we do understand. And know that when next Christmas rolls around you will have hair, nails with a real manicure (your choice of color), and more energy. For now, tell the family and friends that you are doing the best you can and if you aren't always perky and upbeat that they need to let you feel these emotions too. I found once I accepted that I had some down times and let me come, that they passed rather quickly. Just a little pity party, some tears and then back to the me they were all used to seeing. Hope this helps and my prayers are that you can find some Christmas joy. It's there just not as obvious as it usually is.
    Stef
  • ms_independent
    ms_independent Member Posts: 214
    #23
    different for me
    It's different for me, now, probably because I was just diagnosed early this month. We haven't really settled into a routine. My hubby is still hovering. He is pretty good at naming his feelings and gently pushing me to get in touch with mine. He doesn't want me out of his sight. I had my double mastedtomy on Tuesday. He wants to do everything for me and keeps telling me to rest and let him do everthing. He says he NEEDS to take care of me for now. So, bless him, I am letting him (for now). I pray he will soon be able to feel comfortable with me a little farther away from him. There is no way we can sustain this isolated little world we are in now. I expect there will come a time when he needs to distance himself and I hope I will be able to emotionally understand it (intellectually I get it). I think hearing it from all of you will better prepare me for how our "fix-it" partners react/cope as this journey continues. Thanks to all,
    El

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