Please Help Me.!

i'm so sorry
you poor thing -- what a totally unfair thing! i am a caregiver too -- for my husband and we have a 13 yo daughter -- i can't imagine her having to go thru this alone

first, i would ask your mom to be apart of the whole process -- knowledge is power -- even though knowing some stuff can be very scary -- not knowing can be a lot worse.

find out what chemo treatment she will have and read up on it, so you can help your mom handle side-effects

ask her doctors or the hospital for a social worker that can help you deal -- you need care too!

is there family or friends to turn to? if so, don't be afraid to ask for help and receive help for both her and you

don't let this ruin your future, no matter what happens -- talk to your counselors at school to make sure you are able to keep up with your studies

never be afraid to yell, scream, vent, cry or ask for hugs from anyone willing to give them!

u can add me as a friend if you'd like and private message me any time -- my name is Jen

hang in there girly! give your mom hugs often and let her know you are there for her, but dont forget about yourself!

many many hugs!

CarpeDiem_11 said:

Thanks.!!
Hi Jen...Im very sorry to hear about your husband.! I'll pray that he will pull through. But thank you so much..! I'll be okay, I just need my mom to accept it and be okayy as well. Shes in denial about it all it seems.! But hopefully it is just a phase! She wont tell me anything about The cancer except she has it and shes in stage 2.! I need her to elaborate and tell me more but at the same time like you said i dont want to know.!

Yes i have my 3 brothers.! They dont know yet, my mom doesnt want them to quite yet so its just me and her.!
And ill keep everything else in mind.! Thank you again.!

lots of hope
CD, the few details you do know about your mother's cancer don't sound too horrible. She will probably go through a rough course of chemo and then be fine for many years, but the next six months will be hard. Please keep showing up here, and come see us in the Ovarian forum.

Different chemo drugs are used for different cancers, so it will be good to know which ones she will get. Before chemo starts, many doctors set up the patient and family with an educational session, where a nurse tells you what to expect. You could at least ask to be included.

I can tell you are a tiger where your mom is concerned, but as they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Sooner or later your tiger mom will realize that she can't shield you from this problem. For now, just tell her she can have her secrets, but that you'll be holding her back no matter what.

How do you help?
I am a 13-month survivor/ 8-month post-treatment for Nasopharyngeal. My first meet with the Chemo Dr. should've prepared me for what was to come- she told me I'd be on Morphine, which I was, but my chance for survival was good. Your Mom and I have different cancers, but I speak as one who has had it, and has not been declared cancer-free.

So long as there is hope that your Mom can win this battle- do not give her cause to think she cannot win it. Only speak to her of that which will be of victory. No negatives are needed, until all hope is gone.

You must be strong for her. This is how you will prove your love for her, CarpeDiem_11.
She will recognize everything you do for her, and for everything will love you all the more for it. You must be patient and understanding. This battle she fights is between her and, yes, death. I would advise that you let her fight that fight, and to just let her do so as she wants to fight it. It is her battle to win or lose. That is the way it is will all of us who have cancer. We need the support and help of others, but we do not need their pity until all hope is gone. The fight is real- until hope for victory is gone. And no fight with cancer is a glamorous one. For you- accept the ugly parts of what is to come as just being "the cancer," rather than it being your real Mom. It will just be the toll of the cancer, CD_11. It takes a lot from all of us.

If your Mom needs emotional help- urge her to get whatever help she feels she needs. Whatever she needs, when she's going thru treatment- do your best to help her get those needs taken care of. And make sure she gets the physical needs taken care of- in this day and age, suffering can be kept to a minimum.

Keep the hope, and believe your Mom can win this battle, and I pray she does.