How do you deal with weird looks? Self esteem help please!

hmmmmm....
Hey Girl! Well it sounds to me sweetie that you are having more serious problems than the "superficial" ones. First of all I want to say how so sorry I am that you are going through all this ****, physically and mentally. If you want my 2 cents worth, you absolutely need need need to get rid of this rif raf and get them the hell out of your house. You need to take control of your life and and get a grip here. You are the one with the disease not these little girls that are being brough into your house.

I can't even imagine that anyone is laughing at you, you may feel that they are because of the toll this disease has taken on your body. I do know how that feels, I too gained a lot of wieght from the steroids, now after all the complaining I did about my wieght gain I'm now complaining about my weight loss. To address your "superficial" (I am only quoting you Honeybunch) problem, have you heard of the "look good feel good" program that most hospitals offer? Your hospital should have one or you can google it and find out where one is in your area. This is a wonderful program where you go in and they walk you through everything from skin care to make up to head coverings. They walk you through it in a setting with other ladies going through cancer as well and the absolutely best part is, everything that they show you and all the products that you use you get to take it all home with you. You'll get over $200 with the products free. Try it, you will be so glad for it.

But I feel that the most important thing for you right now is to take control of your enviournment that will be paramount in your feeling better. You don't need drug addicts and the like in your life right now or ever. I speak from total experience because I myself am a recovering drug addict and know first hand that this a no where trip!!! And when dealing with drug addicts they don't care about anyone or anything except where their next fix is. I hope I was some small help to you. You take care of yourself and I will say a prayer for you. Keep up your fight woman!!! Don't let get you down and if they are laughing, tell me where they live, I'll kick thier A......
Yeah right! I couldn't fight my way out of a wet paper bag........

Linda

Me too!!
I totally agree with Dorion and Monika. It is your house and you are the Queen of Your House. You make the rules. Invited guests only. Take control of your environment. Talk with your husband and tell him what you want to happen and tell him to do it. If he won't, you should. Saundra

umaga2136 said:

Thank you ladies so much for
Thank you ladies so much for the awesome advice! My husband works 70 hours a week, plus cooks, cleans, does the laundry AND takes care of me! So its really rough! His brothers both dropped out of highschool a few years ago, never got a g.e.d both got fired from there jobs so there not even paying rent anymore....and then they're constantly bringing these nasty girls over...and there are so NASTY to me. I have yelled at them so many times to get out....and I feel bad because its his family but he is as fed up as I am. There parents live in texas and we tell them and even there other family members whats going on but no one seems to care. Like its our problem so just deal with it. Makes me sick. We have enough stuff to deal with! I just dont know what to do when I am being laughed at or getting weird stares from anyone...I dont know whether to smile....say something...or give them dirty looks right back. He did as of last night tell them they have until the 1st to get out...so HOPEFULLY soon I can feel comforatble in my own home again!

I did the look good feel better program and about a year and a half ago got a free wig from the american cancer society which was really nice! A victorias secret commercial came on, and that brought me to tears! I've spoken to therapists, gone to support groups, went on meds for depression but nothing helps. Funny thing is...when I see someone out in public bald or if I know is sick, I look at them and just see nothing but courage strength and hope. It also makes me so proud. But when I look in the mirror...well just cant do it! Wow I really sound like a whiner. I am so sorry. My doctor has assured me its from all the medications, and being sick all the time. What do you guys do to take your minds off everything? Thats my problem, im to sick to go out in public (wbc is way to low so cant go in public) so im stuck in bed...what do you all do to help ease the stress or take your mind off things?

PUT YOU FIRST!
Hi, My name is sharon. I'm dealing with stage 4 ovarian cancer also and i'll be reaching the 3year mark in February 2010. I'm currently at a CA-125 count of 13; I do have 2 enlarged lymph nodes ( will deal with that if my cat-scan in January shows I need to).

Honey, let me tell you something. Learn to put you first, because as you are experiencing right now, relatives have a tendency to take you for granted because of your kind concerns for them! How dare they put through this? Think about it... they know you are in for the fight of life and they do you this way? They are not even respecting you. I'm glad at least your husband is just as sick of them, because this way with you two working together it'll be that much easier to get rid of them! Ooooh, I'm so angry. When you finally get rid of them, the drama, the lack of respect, that in itself will make you feel so much better. They are toxic get them out.

I went through a very similiar experience as yours, an experience that kept me under chronic stress and as you know stress is the absolute last thing you need to be exposed to.

To make a very lifelong story short; after being disrespected and unconcerned for my health, it finally dawned on me. "These people are literally killing me!" We couldn't make things right, so i told them, i love them, i'll pray for them and that's all i can give. No one can believe it. But guess what? I feel so liberated now, happy, and peaceful.

You and your husband deserve to enjoy YOUR lives together and in peace. Don't you and he have enough to worry about? Get selfish and put you first, focus on healing, you can't heal under your present situation!

Regarding the whole issue you have about feeling better, that was difficult for me too while i was bedridden, it almost felt like there was no world out there for me. The one thing I always did, was the first time i felt just a little like my old self? It was important that i did something around the house, it was hard. But i would think "okay, when i feel well enough, i'm going to change that picture arrangement on the wall or i'm going to do some paintings in bed" anything to take your mind off of that constant loneliness. It really helped me. Of course people are going to see you and demand you to go lay back down, but if you can (and you know your limit), do it, feel better.

Im a hairstylist and am hoping to get involved in the look good feel better program, there are many tips i can share with you. Just ask.

I'm so sorry I'm so longwinded, but my heart is with you and i just had to express to you how insulting their actions are against you. Another word that makes life easier is NO!

I'm praying for you

Sharon

The strength is inside you!
Hello, I was reading your post this morning and am just brought to tears. I am 31 and am a 5 month SURVIVOR of Ovarian Cancer and Uterine Cancer. Your situation sounds rough but the strength is inside you to deal with it. Right now it may seem as if there is no solution but there is and it will come when you least expect it. You are not being superficial. You do need to keep positive thought though. That will be what gets you through. You know what they say, "People only make fun of you because they have low self esteem themselves." Some people are so small minded and for some laughing it off is the only way they know how to deal with this. That's what I did. I tried to laugh off the Cancer because that was the only way I knew how to deal with it. I would make cancer jokes about myself and pretty soon people start to feel comfortable around me enough to start asking questions and from that point on I had very little problems. I'm not saying this is what you should do but maybe you should sit the guys down again (when your husband can be around) and mention to them that this is a big concern for you...also mention that they can't have anyone over at the house if they've been around anyone who is sick or if they think they have been around anyone who is sick. If you can't go out bc of ur WBC then someone carrying a cold virus shouldn't be able to come in. They should love and respect you enough to see you through this. When I was going through chemo I wouldn't let anyone come over and if they did there were rules. They had to wear a mask and they had to wash their hands then sanitize them before they came around me. Some people won't want to go through a bunch of hoops just to come around so maybe that can be a solution for you. As for not being able to go out, I was like that last winter. What helped me is meditation and puppies. I like to travel so I have a picture I took while at Megans Bay in St. Thomas and I blew it up and hung it on the wall in my bedroom, then I downloaded some sounds of the ocean and put it on repeat so I could continually hear the water, then I would turn the heat up as high as I could stand it and lay in my room staring at the picture, listening to the waves and imagining I was laying on that beach. After a while I felt as if I were there. It was like I was willing myself to be there. I know it sounds silly but it worked and after about a month I was well enough to go outside.

As for the wig, I also did not like the wig. I got one that was pretty much the same color as my original hair but I was uncomfortable in it and people notice when you aren't comfortable. My sister went out a bought me a bunch of different scarfs. There were different colors and different designs and I learned different ways to tie them and there was pretty much one for every color shirt I had. It was great. I felt better in the scarf than I did the wig. Force yourself to get up and put make-up on every morning (that is if you wear make-up...I normally don't feel good until my make-up is on), then find an outfit and put a funky scarf on and rock it like no-one has ever rocked a scarf before. You'll notice that once your attitude and feelings about yourself changes then the attitudes of others will change as well.

I hope this helps. You are not alone! Just remember to stay positive. God will either lighten our load or strengthen our backs. Take care.

Put it back onto the looker's plate!
Hello Danielle! Here's a man writing you because my daughter cannot. Emily was diagnosed with advanced stage 3 cancer on July 19, 2002, 10 days before her 24th birthday. She died on March 10, 2003, only after she made quite an impression on all who saw her. She was very fair-skinned with bright blue eyes. She was paying her way through college as a hair stylist(!) She lost her hair 2 weeks after her first taxol treatment, and it never grew back more than a quarter of an inch by the time she died. She got the stares - and remarks. Her younger sister told me of a time they were shopping together, and a "clever" old man behind her in the checkout line asked her if she were a guy or a gal. She announced in a voice so that all in line could hear that this is what the treatment for ovarian cancer does to you. Any other questions? The other women in line indicated their approval with her snappy retort, and he shut his mouth and turned beet red. Danielle, I cannot understand why people make those comments other than it is pure prejudice and ignorance. When I see a woman who is out in public and going through treatment, I make sure and tell her how beautiful she looks and that there are a lot of us out here supporting her in her fight. I am a State Lead Ambassador for my congressional district for ACSCAN, something I credit my daughter for gifting me. Wear that bald head proudly, Danielle. You've got more courage than all of those detractors.

EmilysDad729 said:

Put it back onto the looker's plate!
Hello Danielle! Here's a man writing you because my daughter cannot. Emily was diagnosed with advanced stage 3 cancer on July 19, 2002, 10 days before her 24th birthday. She died on March 10, 2003, only after she made quite an impression on all who saw her. She was very fair-skinned with bright blue eyes. She was paying her way through college as a hair stylist(!) She lost her hair 2 weeks after her first taxol treatment, and it never grew back more than a quarter of an inch by the time she died. She got the stares - and remarks. Her younger sister told me of a time they were shopping together, and a "clever" old man behind her in the checkout line asked her if she were a guy or a gal. She announced in a voice so that all in line could hear that this is what the treatment for ovarian cancer does to you. Any other questions? The other women in line indicated their approval with her snappy retort, and he shut his mouth and turned beet red. Danielle, I cannot understand why people make those comments other than it is pure prejudice and ignorance. When I see a woman who is out in public and going through treatment, I make sure and tell her how beautiful she looks and that there are a lot of us out here supporting her in her fight. I am a State Lead Ambassador for my congressional district for ACSCAN, something I credit my daughter for gifting me. Wear that bald head proudly, Danielle. You've got more courage than all of those detractors.

fantastic picture
What a beautiful picture!!