marriage counseling

red65
red65 Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
With the stress of BC, 5 surgeries, and everything else that goes along with cancer, my marriage is in trouble. My husband was very supportive during treatment, but now has issues with my appearance. I've had breast reconstruction and my hair has been back for over a year, but he no longer wants to be intimate with me. I don't know if he is just using my appearance as an excuse or if it is how he really feels.

Does anyone know where we could go to marriage counseling? We went to counseling about 2 years before I was diagnosed, but the insurance plan we currently have doesn't cover it. Grrr...Aetna. Counseling saved our marriage once before so I'd like to try it again; although the circumstances are completely different this time.

To get through BC and now this...I'm just crushed.

Comments

  • Lynda53
    Lynda53 Member Posts: 210
    #2
    sorry you are going through this red65
    I am divorced! so not a lot of help in the marriage department. I strongly recommend counseling.I trust he too is interested. Perhaps ACS has a referral in your area, or your aetna case managermit cannot hurt to call.
    Be strong, you beat bc, you can save this!
    Peace
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #3
    Lynda53 said:

    sorry you are going through this red65
    I am divorced! so not a lot of help in the marriage department. I strongly recommend counseling.I trust he too is interested. Perhaps ACS has a referral in your area, or your aetna case managermit cannot hurt to call.
    Be strong, you beat bc, you can save this!
    Peace

    My suggestion
    is to perhaps seek it thru a religious person. I know all religions do offer help with marriage troubles. And, if that isn't acceptable, perhaps ask your friends or family for a recommendation to a counselor. There are many out there. I hope someone can help you thru this.

    Hugs, Debby
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    #4
    Help..
    Red, perhaps where you received your treatment for the bc......I know where I had mine, they offer FREE counseling, among a hundred other "freebies"...Also you can call your local Mental Health Dept...they have sliding scales for payment...I am so sorry you are dealing with this....How old is your husband? I think some men can't handle all the stress that comes with bc.....and once treatment is over and we look somewhat the same, it's back to "business as usual." I think it's their way of coping...men always want to "FIX" everything and this is the one thing they can't!

    I am so blessed, my husband has been my rock.....
    I wish you well
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    #5
    MAJW said:

    Help..
    Red, perhaps where you received your treatment for the bc......I know where I had mine, they offer FREE counseling, among a hundred other "freebies"...Also you can call your local Mental Health Dept...they have sliding scales for payment...I am so sorry you are dealing with this....How old is your husband? I think some men can't handle all the stress that comes with bc.....and once treatment is over and we look somewhat the same, it's back to "business as usual." I think it's their way of coping...men always want to "FIX" everything and this is the one thing they can't!

    I am so blessed, my husband has been my rock.....
    I wish you well

    I don't have any sugestions
    I don't have any sugestions Red,I've been divorced for a long time. Just sorry that you're having to deal with this. I hope you can find the help you need.
    Dee
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #6
    dyaneb123 said:

    I don't have any sugestions
    I don't have any sugestions Red,I've been divorced for a long time. Just sorry that you're having to deal with this. I hope you can find the help you need.
    Dee

    I am sorry that this is
    I am sorry that this is happening to you. I have been blessed that my husband has been my strength and support thru this horrible bc journey.

    Most counties have a mental health center and your oncologist or cancer team will probably be able to put you in touch with someone too. My cancer center has the counseling help there if needed for any cancer patient.

    HUGS
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #7
    survivorbc09 said:

    I am sorry that this is
    I am sorry that this is happening to you. I have been blessed that my husband has been my strength and support thru this horrible bc journey.

    Most counties have a mental health center and your oncologist or cancer team will probably be able to put you in touch with someone too. My cancer center has the counseling help there if needed for any cancer patient.

    HUGS

    Sorry
    That dealing with cancer leads to BC marriage problem. I think it is a way of coping and results of stress. My husband looks 10 years older now since I was diagnosed and we went through 14 months of treatment.
    Your marriage counsel should to be familiar with cancer issues and probably your oncologist or breast surgeon will be the source for references.Some Breast centers have phycologists and social workers who can navigate you through this problem. Probably your husband can find help at CSN site on Caregivers Board.

    I hope you find help,
    Hugs
  • Sher43009
    Sher43009 Member Posts: 602 Member
    #8
    Have you tried to contact
    Have you tried to contact the counselor you used before? He/She my be able to help you again. May also give you a discounted rate now that you insurance wont cover it.

    Good luck with this.
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    #9
    Sher43009 said:

    Have you tried to contact
    Have you tried to contact the counselor you used before? He/She my be able to help you again. May also give you a discounted rate now that you insurance wont cover it.

    Good luck with this.

    I'm so sorry to hear about
    I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage problem on top of bc. I know bc has to affect husbands. My husband is totally there for me, goes with me to all my tests and appointments, and I just can't imagine going thru this without his love and support. He was as devastated as I was when i was first dxed and he's fighting along side of me. It does sound like he needs to readjust to the new normal. Maybe its just too much for intimacy right now. Guess he won't talk to you much about it. Hope and pray that both of you can find help and pray that your marriage is restored. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #10
    Red there are a lot of good suggestions on this post. I'm feeling for you. Being crushed over a marriage while treating this devatating disease it just a bit much. Let us know what avenue you take, and may God bless you, your husband, and your marriage.
  • MCJ
    MCJ Member Posts: 59
    #11
    take a little time to enjoy

    take a little time to enjoy yourself you deserve it, go buy a new skirt maybe an inch or two shorter, throw on some lace, do this for yourself, have a little fun again, you went through hell you deserve a little heaven, be positive/confident but don't ignore him, he just might start looking again,

    give this a shot if it doesn't work try the counseling again,

    hell after what you have been through this should be a piece of cake,

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