??Christmas spirit???
Comments
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a new kind of Christmas
Although this is the season for giving (and remembering why we do it), this may be the year you take more of the role of 'recipient'!
What I mean is, when I got my diagnosis in June, I went a little nuts. All my life I've been very independent, doing for others more and more as the years have gone on. In June, and for a few more months, I was no longer in charge of everything. Other people stepped in and took over some little things, some big things. That was hard for me. I suppose my self esteem is wrapped up in my being needed.
But then a good friend, survivor, and one of my go-to-for-cancer-advice people put it this way: It is your gift to these other people to let them take care of you.
I'm maybe not writing it as effectively as she said it, but her advice helped me say yes when people asked if they could help. Maybe this is your Christmas to sit back and watch other people put on the parade. It won't be the exact kind of Christmas you would have done had you been healthy. Can you let go and let them do what they can/will?
However, besides that issue, I hear a little bit of bitterness in your comments. Trust me, we all understand the downright unfairness of getting this diagnosis ANYTIME, and it's much worse at Christmas. The irony for you of the timing is... cruel.
But you're not alone. You'll get some good advice from this post from lots of us. Keep in touch, tell us what's going on with you each day. It'll all work out. Please put taking care of yourself as your top priority from today on, even though you have Christmas plans you want to get done. There is that in you that has nothing to do but take care of you. Find it.0 -
Thankscrselby said:a new kind of Christmas
Although this is the season for giving (and remembering why we do it), this may be the year you take more of the role of 'recipient'!
What I mean is, when I got my diagnosis in June, I went a little nuts. All my life I've been very independent, doing for others more and more as the years have gone on. In June, and for a few more months, I was no longer in charge of everything. Other people stepped in and took over some little things, some big things. That was hard for me. I suppose my self esteem is wrapped up in my being needed.
But then a good friend, survivor, and one of my go-to-for-cancer-advice people put it this way: It is your gift to these other people to let them take care of you.
I'm maybe not writing it as effectively as she said it, but her advice helped me say yes when people asked if they could help. Maybe this is your Christmas to sit back and watch other people put on the parade. It won't be the exact kind of Christmas you would have done had you been healthy. Can you let go and let them do what they can/will?
However, besides that issue, I hear a little bit of bitterness in your comments. Trust me, we all understand the downright unfairness of getting this diagnosis ANYTIME, and it's much worse at Christmas. The irony for you of the timing is... cruel.
But you're not alone. You'll get some good advice from this post from lots of us. Keep in touch, tell us what's going on with you each day. It'll all work out. Please put taking care of yourself as your top priority from today on, even though you have Christmas plans you want to get done. There is that in you that has nothing to do but take care of you. Find it.
I appreciate your good advice. I admit I do have a hard time letting go and letting others. I guess part of my problem is we just moved here and other than my husband I don't have anybody to do the hands on stuff. Poor guy can only do so much. We are making an "essential" list and will work together to do as much as possible before the surgery. And I'm looking into a temporary cleaning service to relieve a little of the "have to do" stuff.
Maybe I am a little bitter that I can't seem to enjoy one of my favorite holidays. What was great fun before seems an impossible chore today. Hopefully getting through this xmas will make the next one that much better.
Another wise person told me to ask myself "is this going to help my recovery?", if the answer is no then don't do it. I'll keep trying. Thanks again for telling me what i need to hear.0 -
Creslby said it all. We arecrselby said:a new kind of Christmas
Although this is the season for giving (and remembering why we do it), this may be the year you take more of the role of 'recipient'!
What I mean is, when I got my diagnosis in June, I went a little nuts. All my life I've been very independent, doing for others more and more as the years have gone on. In June, and for a few more months, I was no longer in charge of everything. Other people stepped in and took over some little things, some big things. That was hard for me. I suppose my self esteem is wrapped up in my being needed.
But then a good friend, survivor, and one of my go-to-for-cancer-advice people put it this way: It is your gift to these other people to let them take care of you.
I'm maybe not writing it as effectively as she said it, but her advice helped me say yes when people asked if they could help. Maybe this is your Christmas to sit back and watch other people put on the parade. It won't be the exact kind of Christmas you would have done had you been healthy. Can you let go and let them do what they can/will?
However, besides that issue, I hear a little bit of bitterness in your comments. Trust me, we all understand the downright unfairness of getting this diagnosis ANYTIME, and it's much worse at Christmas. The irony for you of the timing is... cruel.
But you're not alone. You'll get some good advice from this post from lots of us. Keep in touch, tell us what's going on with you each day. It'll all work out. Please put taking care of yourself as your top priority from today on, even though you have Christmas plans you want to get done. There is that in you that has nothing to do but take care of you. Find it.
Creslby said it all.
We are caretakers, we are the nurturers most women are born that way. I too have no family and just a few friends in the area, so everything pretty much is left to me and my husband. I have a cleaning lady, and that is a Godsent.
I have 2 married sons and they each have a child, this year I told them I would not be doing any holidays. I asked my daughter in laws to shop for their children and I sent them each a check to do so. I just dont have the energy. If we have a tree, my husband will have to do it this year or when I get the energy I'll put out a couple angels and a Santa.
Relax this year, you cant get caught up in all the extra hoopla this year. This would be a good year to relax as much as you are able, reflect and simply celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.0 -
This Christmas is about
This Christmas is about you.
I too am not in the mood, or the health. The tree is up, yet to be decorated. Other decorations will be minimal, the holiday open house will be in 2010, and what an open house it will be! I cannot shop and money is also an issue due tothe bills.
My loss of independence has been great. I am most fortunate to have loving friends and family to help me thru this, and of course all the ladies here!
Peace0 -
Christmas...
Last Christmas, I was right smack in the middle of chemo, after having mastectomy & lymph nodes removed. Needless to say, not feeling full of good cheer at the time.
I was very fortunate in that my family rallied around and did any shopping for me that was necessary.
The rest of the gift giving was cash in a card. I found that the color is always right and it fits perfectly every time!
But let me just say that if you are not up to thinking about gifts this year, then don't. Unless it's absolutely necessary, in order not to disappoint a young child, forget about gifts. Anyone who knows what you are going through right now, will surely understand.
Of course, you can always plan a Christmas in July barbecue & do your gift giving then, if it makes you feel better.
But right now, it's time to think about YOU...
Hugs,
CR0 -
Welcome!
Boy do I remember that the year I was dx'd! I was diagnosed in Sept of that year-and I didn't have the want or the energy to decorate-I think I went shopping for one day. And my husband had to pay for and pick up his own Christmas presents(something I will never forgive myself for-even though he has...).
My advice is try to enjoy what you can-do what you can,and ask for help and accept it!And no one should expect you or this Christmas to be the same as last year.0 -
you guys are the bestCR1954 said:Christmas...
Last Christmas, I was right smack in the middle of chemo, after having mastectomy & lymph nodes removed. Needless to say, not feeling full of good cheer at the time.
I was very fortunate in that my family rallied around and did any shopping for me that was necessary.
The rest of the gift giving was cash in a card. I found that the color is always right and it fits perfectly every time!
But let me just say that if you are not up to thinking about gifts this year, then don't. Unless it's absolutely necessary, in order not to disappoint a young child, forget about gifts. Anyone who knows what you are going through right now, will surely understand.
Of course, you can always plan a Christmas in July barbecue & do your gift giving then, if it makes you feel better.
But right now, it's time to think about YOU...
Hugs,
CR
In my head I am accepting that it will be gift cards this year, I just have to get my heart to catch up.
I've been up for 30 minutes and i've had my first cry of the day. This was a good cry---one of those "I can't believe people care enough about ME to write such affirming and caring responses". So, my thanks to all of you, once again!
El0 -
I just wanted to welcome you
I just wanted to welcome you ms_independent. I remember my frame of mine back in June when I was first diagnosed. It is very overwhelming and down right scary. To date, I have completed my chemo and am smack dab in the middle of radiation. I can say, it is all doable. Do allow your family and friends to take up some of the slack, if possible. You can't do it all and the most important thing right now is YOU!! Take care of yourself first and time permitting anyone else. I agree with Natly, unless you have small children, don't worry too much about the gift giving this year. Everyone will understand and if they don't, oh well, that's there problem. You need to worry about YOU! We'll be here every step of the way to help get you through this. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. Take care.0 -
My Christmas
My Christmas battling the beast was simple~ it was obvious that I wasn't up to very much, but I still wanted things to be a bit festive. In honor of all of us fighting cancer, I decorated my small tree with everything purple~ all of the ornaments, lights etc were in various shades of purple. It remains one of my favorite tree memories.
Aside from that, gifts were not the main part of the season; but having people drop by for tea and cookies and laughter were! I even tied a big bow around myself and announced that me being alive was the years gift! :-) Reggie took his girls Christmas shopping, but we mainly didn't do much but enjoy the small things; the smell of the wreaths in the house,Reggie baking the cookies~bundling up and walking in the snow in Lake Tahoe, ya know, just being together!
One thing not to feel is guilty! Easier said than done, my nurturing sisters~ but put that Christmas Stocking on the other foot: If one of your friends, family members or neighbors were living your experience this year, what would you expect them to be doing??? Enough said! :-)
Hugs,
Chen♥0 -
Hi and Welcome
Not much else I can say except Amen to what the other sisters have said. Let it be all about you. Relax and enjoy. Don't think about it and don't worry about it your family will understand. As someone else said I was smack dab in the middle of treatment during Christmas and I had to play the brave hero instead of staying home and resting like I should have been and wishing that I were.
Take care
Jadie<3
P.S. you may have to get your spirits from a bottle this year LOL0 -
Sometimes everyone needs toJadie said:Hi and Welcome
Not much else I can say except Amen to what the other sisters have said. Let it be all about you. Relax and enjoy. Don't think about it and don't worry about it your family will understand. As someone else said I was smack dab in the middle of treatment during Christmas and I had to play the brave hero instead of staying home and resting like I should have been and wishing that I were.
Take care
Jadie<3
P.S. you may have to get your spirits from a bottle this year LOL</p>
Sometimes everyone needs to stop and just think about what Christmas really means and stands for. It isn't the decorations, the tree all lit up or the presents. It is about Christ's birthday. It is about family. Don't worry about all of the "stuff". Focus on being healthy and being with your loved ones. Celebrate life! Or, like Jadie said, start drinking. lol
Angie0 -
I think everyone has givenAngie2U said:Sometimes everyone needs to
Sometimes everyone needs to stop and just think about what Christmas really means and stands for. It isn't the decorations, the tree all lit up or the presents. It is about Christ's birthday. It is about family. Don't worry about all of the "stuff". Focus on being healthy and being with your loved ones. Celebrate life! Or, like Jadie said, start drinking. lol
Angie
I think everyone has given good advice here for you. Don't sweat it. Angie, I agree that we all forget the true meaning of Christmas. Hoping everyone has a great Christmas, however they celebrate it.0 -
Welcome
I was at the point last Christmas when my hair was falling out and needed to be shaved. I was as low as one can get. I let others do for me and I got over that feeling that I had to be in charge since we were at my house. Giving up control is very difficult. Gift cards and green cash are always good gifts especially for the teenagers and young adults. I pray for God to Bless you during your surgery and to guide the surgeon's hands. Then watch all those silly Christmas movies.
Hugs - Pat0 -
Gift cards work well forpadee6339 said:Welcome
I was at the point last Christmas when my hair was falling out and needed to be shaved. I was as low as one can get. I let others do for me and I got over that feeling that I had to be in charge since we were at my house. Giving up control is very difficult. Gift cards and green cash are always good gifts especially for the teenagers and young adults. I pray for God to Bless you during your surgery and to guide the surgeon's hands. Then watch all those silly Christmas movies.
Hugs - Pat
Gift cards work well for gifts and will cut down on the need for individual shopping. Scale everything back, everyone will understand and yes, let their gift to you be to look after you, nuture you, care for you. Christmas should be a gift from the heart and that is what they need to give you. We so often get wrapped up in the "perfect" Christmas that we forget it is the love of family, friends and for those that have a Christian based faith the birth of Jesus. There will be many more Christmas' out there and you will make them just the way you want. This year, let some of these go. Be kind to yourself and don't let the stress of this be added to all that is on your plate. My thoughts and prayers are that you will get through your surgery with minimal problems and that you have a good recuperation. And it is okay to feel upset over this, not just the timing but that you have to deal with it at all. Anger is a step we all have gone through.
Stef0 -
Christmas Thoughts
Yep! I've been trying to do some shopping online, because I don't have the energy or the time to go to stores, and I can't think what to do for sons, DILS, grandkids . . . *sigh*
Re house cleaning--someone sent me a link to "Cleaning for a Reason," a group that provides free housecleaning to women undergoing chemo. Check with them to find cleaning services in your area that participate. If none do, give their name/phone/website info to Cleaning for a Reason and they'll contact them and (hopefully) get them on board.
Here's the info:
" Cleaning for a Reason
If you know any woman currently undergoing Chemo, please pass
the word to her that there is a cleaning service that provides FREE
housecleaning - 1 time per month for 4 months while she is in treatment.
All she has to do is sign up and have her doctor fax a note confirming the treatment. Cleaning for a Reason will have a participating maid service in her zip code area arrange for the service. http://www.cleaningforareason.org
Please pass this information on to bless a woman going through Breast Cancer treatment. This organization serves the entire USA and currently has 547 partners to help these women. It’s our job to pass the word and let them know that there are people out there that care. Be a blessing to someone and pass this information along."
Another thought I have--can you reschedule Christmas? I know it sounds crazy, but in my family we've had to reschedule Christmas for weird times when life events prevented a celebration at the "proper" time. It ended up being great fun and a great way to cheer ourselves up after going through tough times. Or if that seems too strange . . . can you ask people to bring Christmas to you? Let them figure out what to get you if you just can't think of anything, or ask them for gift cards to amazon or another bookseller or other stores.
Hang in there--this too shall pass, and spring will bring you many blessings and sunny days.
Hugs! Sandy0 -
I agreeAngie2U said:Sometimes everyone needs to
Sometimes everyone needs to stop and just think about what Christmas really means and stands for. It isn't the decorations, the tree all lit up or the presents. It is about Christ's birthday. It is about family. Don't worry about all of the "stuff". Focus on being healthy and being with your loved ones. Celebrate life! Or, like Jadie said, start drinking. lol
Angie
Angie,thanks!0 -
Thanks forLadyParvati said:Christmas Thoughts
Yep! I've been trying to do some shopping online, because I don't have the energy or the time to go to stores, and I can't think what to do for sons, DILS, grandkids . . . *sigh*
Re house cleaning--someone sent me a link to "Cleaning for a Reason," a group that provides free housecleaning to women undergoing chemo. Check with them to find cleaning services in your area that participate. If none do, give their name/phone/website info to Cleaning for a Reason and they'll contact them and (hopefully) get them on board.
Here's the info:
" Cleaning for a Reason
If you know any woman currently undergoing Chemo, please pass
the word to her that there is a cleaning service that provides FREE
housecleaning - 1 time per month for 4 months while she is in treatment.
All she has to do is sign up and have her doctor fax a note confirming the treatment. Cleaning for a Reason will have a participating maid service in her zip code area arrange for the service. http://www.cleaningforareason.org
Please pass this information on to bless a woman going through Breast Cancer treatment. This organization serves the entire USA and currently has 547 partners to help these women. It’s our job to pass the word and let them know that there are people out there that care. Be a blessing to someone and pass this information along."
Another thought I have--can you reschedule Christmas? I know it sounds crazy, but in my family we've had to reschedule Christmas for weird times when life events prevented a celebration at the "proper" time. It ended up being great fun and a great way to cheer ourselves up after going through tough times. Or if that seems too strange . . . can you ask people to bring Christmas to you? Let them figure out what to get you if you just can't think of anything, or ask them for gift cards to amazon or another bookseller or other stores.
Hang in there--this too shall pass, and spring will bring you many blessings and sunny days.
Hugs! Sandy
posting the info,Sandy! I'm sure it will come in very handy for many of our sisters!0
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