Caregiving

lisaonthenet said:

Hi Wendy,

Thanks for your response. I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine. I've been searching for some resources on caregiving as it relates to lesbians but haven't come across much.

To be honest, things are tough. Support wise I have family and a few friends who know what's going on but it doesn't seem enough. I've found that I feel like withdrawing a lot so when friends do call, often I don't answer. Sounds crazy but sometimes it's too much. I've been trying to find other ways to 'deal' like going to the gym, writing, drawing again...

Any suggestions? Where are you? I'm in Ohio.

Lisa

lisaonthenet said:

Can't imagine
Hi Wendy,

You and Regina were together a long time. I'm so very sorry your time with her was cut short. And to lose her 10 days before your anniversary...Again, I'm very sorry.

Although I'm sorry you know what I mean about withdrawing, it's also nice to know someone else understands. I think Kelly understands and she sees me do it but at the same time she wants me to have folks to talk to.

Not sure what stage we're in either? Kelly's fighting with chemo and most recently radiation to her hip. The thyroid cancer has metastasized to her lungs, bone, kidney, liver, adrenal glad and spleen. She's fighting. She's working full-time. She's amazing, a trooper and inspiration. I'm so scare of losing her.

That's wonderful that Calvary Hospice was good to you both and still remains active as part of your support system. When I pushed Kelly's doctors about how long she might have, they told us 6 months and it's been over 1 year, so we have a lot to celebrate. I pushed them because they kept telling us she's getting worse and we needed to get 'affairs' in order. I feel like they pushed me into asking. Kelly's cancer started getting more aggressive a little over one year ago and it's been a tough road since.

I'm glad you've mentioned Regina's name here and happy I helped with that. It can be difficult since there aren't many places for us where we feel comfortable. I've been looking and am glad I found this Web site and folks to talk to and will keep looking. I'm considering starting a caregiver support group in our area and already have a Web site that provides link to local resources. In a way it helps me and I feel like I'm giving back.

Journaling is a good thing. I write poems and 'free write'. I've been drawing and hope to paint again soon. Will keep in touch. Feel free to email anytime too.

I'll also keep you in my thoughts,
Lisa

lisaonthenet said:

Scared...
Wendy,

I do and will continue to love her but I'm still more scared than I've ever been in my life...

Lisa

whistlestopgirl said:

I am glad I found your post
Lisa,

I know how you feel since I too am scared of losing my partner of 10 years. She has been diagnosed with overian cancer. We have been fighting it together for almost one year with no local support at all. When we finally felt we had the cancer beaten it was discovered to have come back. All the tests had lead us to believe she was cancer free however a routine surgery that had nothing to do with her cancer uncovered other cancer that had spread to a different area. So after all she has been through including radiation and chemo she will have to start from the beginning again this January. Needless to say it has hit us both hard and we have no support where we live. There is no glbt community here. If there are others here they are very closeted since we are in the deep south. Also her family is very narrow minded and hateful about our relationship which only makes things twice as bad for me and for her. There are realy very limited cancer support groups here and we would definitly not be accepted in them anyway so I have been looking online to find anything or anywhere to connect with others going through similiar situations. So Lisa know you are not alone out there and Wendy I am truly sorry for your loss and I am glad at least you have the social worker to connect to. Some days I don't know how to stay strong for my partner, but I somehow find a way since she has enough to worry about with fighting for her life and dealing with her hateful family. Anyway please keep this thread going so when the days come as they do when I need more strengh to go on I have somewhere to look and see I am not all alone.

Thanks for listening

whistlestopgirl said:

It was so nice to see both of your posts this morning
Dear Lisa and Wendy,

You don't know how glad I was to see both of your replies this morning. There is usually not alot of new emails on this whole lesbian board so it is good to find two other people at least who are on and active. Since right now it is such a lonely feeling fighting this horrible disease without any support. My partner is my best friend as well and we usually share all our thoughts and feelings, but sometimes with this fight against cancer it is hard to share my feelings since she has so much on her plate to fight for her very life. She is always so strong and upbeat for the most part and she is still working full time which I feel is a true life saver for her. Anyway some of my feelings I just can't share with her right now so it is good to have somewhere to go and talk about things. Lisa thank you for the invite to email you. I will do that real soon since a public post is not always the best place to talk about everything. I hope you and Wendy don't mind, but I have added you both to my friends list and I hope to be there for both of you as much as you can be for me. During times like this it is always good to talk with others who are going through the same type of things together. I will continue to look forward to your posts and I will hope to also connect with you through emails in the near future. Holidays are always stressful especially in our situation with a family like hers in the picture, but this year it will even be harder to deal with then ever. I am thankful I found this site and I am thankful for your response to my post.

Sincerely,
whistlestopgirl

tjhay said:

Wendy, Lisa, and
Wendy, Lisa, and Whistlestopgirl
I am a survivor of breast cancer, I can not even begin to tell you how much the support and love of your girlfriend means. I can tell you that we look at you as heros, and that we know how incredibly hard our fight would be without you.
If you ever need a friend I am here for you.
tj