Repeat- -I know someone exactly like you!
Comments
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I think sometimes people
I think sometimes people feel like they are "helping" by pointing out that we are "not alone" in the battle; however, unless they are the one going through it, often what they think is "exactly what we are going through" is nothing like we are going through. People just feel like they need to say something - and some people are just plain insensitive - well-intentioned, but insensitive. I think the drugs and the illness and the sleep/eating issues it causes can make us all sensitive. We all feel things more when we are tired and sick - and boy, are we tired and sick!
Some people ask "how are you" - but they don't really want to know! So, when it comes to those overcontrolling folks - don't try to share too much. Smile and shake your head "uh huh" and tune them out. Share your real feelings with people you trust and know understand - like us! To the rest - just be politely vague!
Hugs to you - and don't let them wear your spirit down! You're too nice of a person!
Lori0 -
Lori thank you for yourmizcaldwell said:I think sometimes people
I think sometimes people feel like they are "helping" by pointing out that we are "not alone" in the battle; however, unless they are the one going through it, often what they think is "exactly what we are going through" is nothing like we are going through. People just feel like they need to say something - and some people are just plain insensitive - well-intentioned, but insensitive. I think the drugs and the illness and the sleep/eating issues it causes can make us all sensitive. We all feel things more when we are tired and sick - and boy, are we tired and sick! Some people ask "how are you" - but they don't really want to know! So, when it comes to those overcontrolling folks - don't try to share too much. Smile and shake your head "uh huh" and tune them out. Share your real feelings with people you trust and know understand - like us! To the rest - just be politely vague!
Hugs to you - and don't let them wear your spirit down! You're too nice of a person!
Lori
Lori thank you for your insight. Yes perhaps out of concern they are trying to say "I'm not alone". I try to limit all cancer discussions with these people, but they are out of state and they wnat to know, but Ido try to keep it to a minimum. Yes, this is where I get my strength, right here from all these brave warriors. You my dear are one of them. Thank You!0 -
The best response that someone gave me is to hold up your hand like a traffic cop, and say "I really appreciate your sharing with me but if this has a sad ending I can't hear it. If it has a happy ending I'd love to hear it."natly15 said:Lori thank you for your
Lori thank you for your insight. Yes perhaps out of concern they are trying to say "I'm not alone". I try to limit all cancer discussions with these people, but they are out of state and they wnat to know, but Ido try to keep it to a minimum. Yes, this is where I get my strength, right here from all these brave warriors. You my dear are one of them. Thank You!
Like Lori, I don't think people realize the effect they have on us with what they say to us. There's a website www.thecancercrusade.com that has topics in the library section--"What to say to a cancer survivor." "What not to say to a cancer survivor." I printed them and handed them to my friends and family. This is our lives and we have to "instruct" non-cancer people how to help us.
Try not to let them get to you.
Sher0 -
I still think about theSher43009 said:The best response that someone gave me is to hold up your hand like a traffic cop, and say "I really appreciate your sharing with me but if this has a sad ending I can't hear it. If it has a happy ending I'd love to hear it."
Like Lori, I don't think people realize the effect they have on us with what they say to us. There's a website www.thecancercrusade.com that has topics in the library section--"What to say to a cancer survivor." "What not to say to a cancer survivor." I printed them and handed them to my friends and family. This is our lives and we have to "instruct" non-cancer people how to help us.
Try not to let them get to you.
Sher
I still think about the insurance nurse who called to check on me after my surgery (from the company) never met her. anyway she started to tell me she was a hospice nurse but got out of it because a good friend got diagnosed and died!!!!!!! I was waiting for her to say and is doing well she also gave me other details but I'll skip that. I was flabbergasted, but never said anything because I was tired from surgery, am not good on my feet, prob dididnt believe I was hearing that, and after 15 years am used to stupid human comments! (this is my second primary)0 -
Natly, I've never come upcarkris said:I still think about the
I still think about the insurance nurse who called to check on me after my surgery (from the company) never met her. anyway she started to tell me she was a hospice nurse but got out of it because a good friend got diagnosed and died!!!!!!! I was waiting for her to say and is doing well she also gave me other details but I'll skip that. I was flabbergasted, but never said anything because I was tired from surgery, am not good on my feet, prob dididnt believe I was hearing that, and after 15 years am used to stupid human comments! (this is my second primary)
Natly, I've never come up with anything yet that some people feel like they know how I should treat the problem because of someone they know and/or how either they did it or their friend. I really feel that most people either don't know what to say or just want to be helpful but I also think there are some people who think what you're doing is the wrong way to handle it and they know a better way. Its probably a control issue or just thinking they know better how to do something. That all said, I try to give them the benefit of doubt and tell them that everyone is different and react differently to treatment, etc. "I'll keep in mind what you're saying but I really have to go with what my drs. say and how I feel about it." Carkris gave a post above which blows my mind. What a stupid unthinking person that nurse was! I'm preparing myself in case someone tells me whats on their mind without thinking. I'll either laugh or cry and they'll have to figure me out!0 -
Oh Natly! I am so shocked to
Oh Natly! I am so shocked to know that you are just now finding out that the very people who seem to be just like you aren't like you at all~ but in their minds, when they find out you aren't like them, at the very least their stories are more traumatic, more painful, and worthy of the evening news! Their experiences have been so over the top that they don't even check out the ACS site, and you will never come to know them on the boards of any cancer type of the CSN! They are so far removed from the likes of us here on the boards that no one actually knows these people. They are the former neighbors of the 2nd cousin who worked with the divorced wife of that guy who used to live around the corner from that supermarket!!! And speaking of that supermarket, I'll bet you don't know that it burned to the ground, and I have sonme stories about that too!
Point is, sweet sister, that's why you are HERE, among your true kindred spirits! We are not in competition with each other, we rejoice at the good test results of one another, we cry at the fears and the set-backs~ we are sisters in every good sense of the word.
This is the safe pace to land after all of the foolishness we have to put up with way too often!
And, as I often say~ They have to wake up every day being them, and we get to be us!!
Hugs,
Chen♥
Of course that doesn't make it easier to hear the Woe Is-Me's from the not-so-perfect-strangers~ but at least this may put it in perspective!0 -
Well said, dear Chen.chenheart said:Oh Natly! I am so shocked to
Oh Natly! I am so shocked to know that you are just now finding out that the very people who seem to be just like you aren't like you at all~ but in their minds, when they find out you aren't like them, at the very least their stories are more traumatic, more painful, and worthy of the evening news! Their experiences have been so over the top that they don't even check out the ACS site, and you will never come to know them on the boards of any cancer type of the CSN! They are so far removed from the likes of us here on the boards that no one actually knows these people. They are the former neighbors of the 2nd cousin who worked with the divorced wife of that guy who used to live around the corner from that supermarket!!! And speaking of that supermarket, I'll bet you don't know that it burned to the ground, and I have sonme stories about that too!
Point is, sweet sister, that's why you are HERE, among your true kindred spirits! We are not in competition with each other, we rejoice at the good test results of one another, we cry at the fears and the set-backs~ we are sisters in every good sense of the word.
This is the safe pace to land after all of the foolishness we have to put up with way too often!
And, as I often say~ They have to wake up every day being them, and we get to be us!!
Hugs,
Chen♥
Of course that doesn't make it easier to hear the Woe Is-Me's from the not-so-perfect-strangers~ but at least this may put it in perspective!
Well said, dear Chen.0 -
Claudia, you think you're so smartchenheart said:Oh Natly! I am so shocked to
Oh Natly! I am so shocked to know that you are just now finding out that the very people who seem to be just like you aren't like you at all~ but in their minds, when they find out you aren't like them, at the very least their stories are more traumatic, more painful, and worthy of the evening news! Their experiences have been so over the top that they don't even check out the ACS site, and you will never come to know them on the boards of any cancer type of the CSN! They are so far removed from the likes of us here on the boards that no one actually knows these people. They are the former neighbors of the 2nd cousin who worked with the divorced wife of that guy who used to live around the corner from that supermarket!!! And speaking of that supermarket, I'll bet you don't know that it burned to the ground, and I have sonme stories about that too!
Point is, sweet sister, that's why you are HERE, among your true kindred spirits! We are not in competition with each other, we rejoice at the good test results of one another, we cry at the fears and the set-backs~ we are sisters in every good sense of the word.
This is the safe pace to land after all of the foolishness we have to put up with way too often!
And, as I often say~ They have to wake up every day being them, and we get to be us!!
Hugs,
Chen♥
Of course that doesn't make it easier to hear the Woe Is-Me's from the not-so-perfect-strangers~ but at least this may put it in perspective!
I happen to have the same dentist as the former neighbor of the 2nd cousin who worked with the divorced wife of that guy who used to live around the corner from that supermarket....and her cancer WAS, in fact, exactly like yours.
My dentist told me so, and he wouldn't lie....and he knows a lot about breast cancer, because he dated somebody who works in health insurance after his wife got sent to jail for burning down that supermarket....0 -
Well, I have it on goodTraciInLA said:Claudia, you think you're so smart
I happen to have the same dentist as the former neighbor of the 2nd cousin who worked with the divorced wife of that guy who used to live around the corner from that supermarket....and her cancer WAS, in fact, exactly like yours.
My dentist told me so, and he wouldn't lie....and he knows a lot about breast cancer, because he dated somebody who works in health insurance after his wife got sent to jail for burning down that supermarket....
Well, I have it on good authority from my best friend's best friend's uncle on her mother's side that your cancers are just like her sister's brother's cousin who lived above the supermarket. And by the way it didn't burn down it was blown up and the wife that was sent to jail escaped and is coming after all of us.
Stef0 -
I am laughing so so hard atTraciInLA said:Claudia, you think you're so smart
I happen to have the same dentist as the former neighbor of the 2nd cousin who worked with the divorced wife of that guy who used to live around the corner from that supermarket....and her cancer WAS, in fact, exactly like yours.
My dentist told me so, and he wouldn't lie....and he knows a lot about breast cancer, because he dated somebody who works in health insurance after his wife got sent to jail for burning down that supermarket....
Traci,I am laughing so so hard at both you and Stef! I just hope that our sweet Natly will read how we have responded to her, and that she too will be laughing ! Is it my age, or am I peeing my pants ( just a teeeny bit!) from so much laughing?? I so don't need an answer to that!
Thank you both soooo much~ if laughter is indeed the best medicine, 60 is not just the new 30, it's middle-age!!!
Hugs,
Chen♥0 -
I spent my teen yearschenheart said:I am laughing so so hard at
Traci,I am laughing so so hard at both you and Stef! I just hope that our sweet Natly will read how we have responded to her, and that she too will be laughing ! Is it my age, or am I peeing my pants ( just a teeeny bit!) from so much laughing?? I so don't need an answer to that!
Thank you both soooo much~ if laughter is indeed the best medicine, 60 is not just the new 30, it's middle-age!!!
Hugs,
Chen♥
I spent my teen years laughing with friends til we peed our pants and by gosh, it's great to spend my middle age (61) doing the same. Natly I hope you enjoyed our medicine. Traci you are so clever as is our Chen. And doesn't it seem sometimes like that is what we are being told by some of our Well Meaning friends.
Stef0 -
Just what the doctor orderedchenheart said:I am laughing so so hard at
Traci,I am laughing so so hard at both you and Stef! I just hope that our sweet Natly will read how we have responded to her, and that she too will be laughing ! Is it my age, or am I peeing my pants ( just a teeeny bit!) from so much laughing?? I so don't need an answer to that!
Thank you both soooo much~ if laughter is indeed the best medicine, 60 is not just the new 30, it's middle-age!!!
Hugs,
Chen♥
Just what the doctor ordered Chen, Traci and Stef!! It's 4 in the morning here, call it chemo after effects, or that new middle age "30 something" cant sleep, up before the chickens syndrome. Nothing like peeing my pants at the proper age of 30 something, I roared at your comments and changed my fancy underwear. Who wood have thunk a gal in her new 30's could revert back to da moods and sensitivities of early "adultlessons". Thank you sisters you made my morning.0 -
Such humor,chuckles!
Natly,
Such humor,chuckles!
Natly, it happens to us all. I asked one friend to stop,she did not.I said I will hang up, and I did! No I have not heard from her in the 3 months.
Mine is a bit different as I have IBC so when I get the dentist fire stories, I can state the facts of IBC as it is different than bc.
I still say tell them to stop in whatever way you need.
You are you, this is about you, you are the priority!
Peace0 -
Well then,we have done ournatly15 said:Just what the doctor ordered
Just what the doctor ordered Chen, Traci and Stef!! It's 4 in the morning here, call it chemo after effects, or that new middle age "30 something" cant sleep, up before the chickens syndrome. Nothing like peeing my pants at the proper age of 30 something, I roared at your comments and changed my fancy underwear. Who wood have thunk a gal in her new 30's could revert back to da moods and sensitivities of early "adultlessons". Thank you sisters you made my morning.
Well then,we have done our job! Roaring at our comments, and having to change fancy underwear? It doesn't get much better than that! :-)
Hugs,
C♥0
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