Makin Woopie

Asterix1234
Asterix1234 Member Posts: 6
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
My Name is Debra. I had a mastectomy with SNB on September 9/02. Although my husband has had a "glance" at my chest; I don't know how I will go about making love with him. I would be horrified to be without anything covering my incision....I also had a AND on October 28th and my armpit is a jig-saw mess, would anyone be kind enough to offer advice or share their experience. I know this is a private and intimate subject, but I am lost. I just don't know what to do - I only know that making love like we use to is not an option for me right now. I love my husband and know that this is a powerful part of our relationship....he has been more than understanding and patient, but the day will soon come and I am worried and upset. Now I have been told that I will require a port insertion and full hysterectomy...I'm a bit of a mess with this.

Thank you to all for your inspiration and well wishes. This forum is a haven of peace, experience, inspiration and knowledge. Without all of you; I would surely be lost in so very many ways.

God's speed, Debra

Comments

  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    #2
    Whoopie
    Hi Debra, I am sorry you have a need to be here but I am glad you found us. I agree it is hard to have your scar bared for your husband to see. I had a mastectomy in Feb 2007 and had similar emotions. My husband was caring and gentle and seemed to understand that I was not comfortable with my scar. We still had intercourse and I did bare my scar, however I will admit I always had a pillow kind of covering the scar and he understood. I decided last Feb to have reconstruction and am nearly finish, it has been a Godsend for me as I feel much more like myself then I did without anything there. Remember Debra your husband would not want you to have kept a breast that was going to take your life, you are more than that breast. It is still new to you and it will get better as time passes. Right now it is important for you to take care of yourself, to be kind to yourself and to get the treatment you need.

    I will be praying for you,

    ♥ RE ♥
  • kimber10
    kimber10 Member Posts: 47
    #3
    I dont know how much help
    I dont know how much help this will be but here is my experience.
    When we were intimate for the first time after the fact I cried the whole time I was embarressed and self concious and felt nervous and clumsy we just took it slow and it just was and as time passes it is more like it used to be though I still want to have my chest covered even if you have been married a long time I think its very intimidating to think about sex when you feel disfigured.I say if you want to stay covered and that makes it easier on you then do it,I hope this can help some.
    Kim
  • Wolfi
    Wolfi Member Posts: 425
    #4
    Communicate
    Debra,

    All I can say is that communication is HUGE before, during and after a bc diagnosis. Tell your husband how you feel, take it slow and do what you need to in order to feel comfortable. Try to find a nice shirt or some kind of bed clothes to wear that cover up the scars but still make you feel like a woman.

    I had my bilateral mastectomy in August and most of the time I wear a t-shirt to bed but some nights I go without.

    Being a bit of a mess is completely normal with all you have gone and will go through.

    Good luck with your port and hysterectomy. We will be praying for you.

    Keep posting.
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    #5
    Wolfi said:

    Communicate
    Debra,

    All I can say is that communication is HUGE before, during and after a bc diagnosis. Tell your husband how you feel, take it slow and do what you need to in order to feel comfortable. Try to find a nice shirt or some kind of bed clothes to wear that cover up the scars but still make you feel like a woman.

    I had my bilateral mastectomy in August and most of the time I wear a t-shirt to bed but some nights I go without.

    Being a bit of a mess is completely normal with all you have gone and will go through.

    Good luck with your port and hysterectomy. We will be praying for you.

    Keep posting.

    My friend wore a cammie and felt sexy.
    Hi,

    My friend has been cancer free for 14 years! She did not have reconstruction and has always been very interested in sex. Sounds odd but it's true. She bought several cammisols (sp) in silk and says she feels very sexy. She always seemed to have a great attitude but I'm sure she felt uncomfortable at first. She didn't overanalyze the situation. She found her solution and went on with her life. I'm more self conscious but she has been inspiring to me.

    Roseann
  • Goldenguru
    Goldenguru Member Posts: 23
    #6
    roseann4 said:

    My friend wore a cammie and felt sexy.
    Hi,

    My friend has been cancer free for 14 years! She did not have reconstruction and has always been very interested in sex. Sounds odd but it's true. She bought several cammisols (sp) in silk and says she feels very sexy. She always seemed to have a great attitude but I'm sure she felt uncomfortable at first. She didn't overanalyze the situation. She found her solution and went on with her life. I'm more self conscious but she has been inspiring to me.

    Roseann

    For me - the dread of my
    For me - the dread of my husband (25 years) seeing me breastless, was actually much worse than the actual event. I am still self aware of the changes - but it diminishes with some time.

    As far as sex goes - we have slowly learned other areas to concentrate on. How about a nice back massage? Also, I bought a little red, silky, tank top with matching little panties. And I feel very pretty in it.

    Sexy is a state of mind IMHO. And with or without breasts - we are still sexy women. :)

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