my dad died of stomach cancer , how do i start to grieve ?

Mel2529
Mel2529 Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Stomach Cancer #1
My dad died of stomach cancer about six weeks ago , I don't know how I'm meant to start to grieve , my mum is immersing her self in tidying my mum and dads house up and having a really good spring clean, I really miss him , I can't believe he has gone I'm still in shock its like he has just gone out shopping or sumthing I can't get it into my head he's not coming back to be honest I try not to think about it to much because I know I would start to cry , he was only diagnosed with it the end of last year abd only two years ago he was perfectly healthy Ice got a piv of him and all my family just two years ago and he was fine and now he is gone and I don't know how I'm meant to accept it and deal with it . Can anyone help me or give me some suggestions ?

Comments

  • valdi45
    valdi45 Member Posts: 4
    #2
    so sorry!
    Hi. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I have not lost a parent yet but my mom does have a rare cancer. I can only offer suggestions not experience. Do you pray? We have been through alot with our son the past few months, he took an OD of pills. God has certainly stepped into our lives since this happened. If you attend church you may want to talk to someone there or even look for a local support group. Many hospitals offer support groups or counseling for your situation. It is good to cry it out, don't hold back the tears.

    God is good and He does love you!
  • giovy777
    giovy777 Member Posts: 4
    #3
    DID HE DO CHEMO Therapy?
    DID HE DO CHEMO Therapy?

    REGARDS.
  • giovy777
    giovy777 Member Posts: 4
    #4
    valdi45 said:

    so sorry!
    Hi. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I have not lost a parent yet but my mom does have a rare cancer. I can only offer suggestions not experience. Do you pray? We have been through alot with our son the past few months, he took an OD of pills. God has certainly stepped into our lives since this happened. If you attend church you may want to talk to someone there or even look for a local support group. Many hospitals offer support groups or counseling for your situation. It is good to cry it out, don't hold back the tears.

    God is good and He does love you!

    My mom had an operation
    My mom had an operation where they discovered her stage4 cancer, after we knew we prayed that God took her during the operation if she was going to suffer (this we prayed individually without knowing what the other had prayed it was a coincidence). Well my mom woke up after the operation, we thought that God answered and let her live and that she was not going to suffer as we asked, well for my disappointment she did suffer tremendously to the point that she moaned of pain and bled and then slowly painfully died.
    Now, why did God contradict himself? I need an explanation. My father brother sister and I prayed for the same thing without knowing, how come then she wakes up and all the opposite happens?
  • Linda44
    Linda44 Member Posts: 1
    #5
    your Dad
    My husband and best friend died from stomach cancer October 2008. There's no time limit on when to start grieving and there is no instrution manuel telling you how to grieve. Mine began with sheer shock because I just knew God was going to save him. That all the suffering and all the treatments and hospital stays and pain were just a path that needed to be followed in order for everything to be okay. Nothing has been okay since the day that I knew God left my life. The image of my husband taking his last breath is with me everyday. Sometimes I'm angry. Angry at my husband for leaving, but most of all angry with God for taking him. The nights are the worst. I've dealt with indifference from the people that I thought cared about us the most. I was even told that my husband cheated on me at his funeral. Allow yourself to cry. I was once afraid that I would never stop too. Yell, scream. The weeks following his funeral I wrote letters to him. Long ones that told him how much I missed him, what was going on in mine and our son's life. All the little things that I missed talking to him about. I would ask him questions too. It helped some. Sometimes i feel strong, sometimes I don't. I learned to take each day at a time and allow myself time for tears each day. I'm down to about 25 minutes a day. Big fall from all day, everyday. It's about living your life, but remembering your Dad in it.

    I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace in your memories of him.
  • OCTOMAN
    OCTOMAN Member Posts: 21
    #6
    Linda44 said:

    your Dad
    My husband and best friend died from stomach cancer October 2008. There's no time limit on when to start grieving and there is no instrution manuel telling you how to grieve. Mine began with sheer shock because I just knew God was going to save him. That all the suffering and all the treatments and hospital stays and pain were just a path that needed to be followed in order for everything to be okay. Nothing has been okay since the day that I knew God left my life. The image of my husband taking his last breath is with me everyday. Sometimes I'm angry. Angry at my husband for leaving, but most of all angry with God for taking him. The nights are the worst. I've dealt with indifference from the people that I thought cared about us the most. I was even told that my husband cheated on me at his funeral. Allow yourself to cry. I was once afraid that I would never stop too. Yell, scream. The weeks following his funeral I wrote letters to him. Long ones that told him how much I missed him, what was going on in mine and our son's life. All the little things that I missed talking to him about. I would ask him questions too. It helped some. Sometimes i feel strong, sometimes I don't. I learned to take each day at a time and allow myself time for tears each day. I'm down to about 25 minutes a day. Big fall from all day, everyday. It's about living your life, but remembering your Dad in it.

    I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace in your memories of him.

    pain
    Linda44
    Yes I can relate to your pain and suffering.
  • OCTOMAN
    OCTOMAN Member Posts: 21
    #7
    giovy777 said:

    My mom had an operation
    My mom had an operation where they discovered her stage4 cancer, after we knew we prayed that God took her during the operation if she was going to suffer (this we prayed individually without knowing what the other had prayed it was a coincidence). Well my mom woke up after the operation, we thought that God answered and let her live and that she was not going to suffer as we asked, well for my disappointment she did suffer tremendously to the point that she moaned of pain and bled and then slowly painfully died.
    Now, why did God contradict himself? I need an explanation. My father brother sister and I prayed for the same thing without knowing, how come then she wakes up and all the opposite happens?

    GOD AND CANCER
    So Sorry giovy777
    I have been there, done that, I suffered the why did God let this happen ?I went though a nervous breakdown before I realised It was not Gods fault it was my version of God that was faulty.
    Now I believe healing is not in Gods job discription,and it is silly to thimk it is .

    Look outwards at the suffering around you.
    Can God be be picking and choosing,who's next?
    Based on how many people pray for them,and doing a head count?sorry not anough s prayers.
    Not a sensible idea,Gods job is to help you to face lifes problems,not to end them.

    This life is about experience and learning,what other purpose can there be?

    It is the only logical explanation,I can find.
    Let God help you face your sorrow.and help you heal your pain.

    I had to suffer to find this out.
    May be you will find a better and less painful answer.

    This is the only way,I could come to terms with my loss and pain.and free myself of self pity.
    I am aware not many,if any people think like me,but I cannot help that.
    Is there not a saying, suffer little children to come unto me?
  • vijendrasnv
    vijendrasnv Member Posts: 15
    #8
    OCTOMAN said:

    GOD AND CANCER
    So Sorry giovy777
    I have been there, done that, I suffered the why did God let this happen ?I went though a nervous breakdown before I realised It was not Gods fault it was my version of God that was faulty.
    Now I believe healing is not in Gods job discription,and it is silly to thimk it is .

    Look outwards at the suffering around you.
    Can God be be picking and choosing,who's next?
    Based on how many people pray for them,and doing a head count?sorry not anough s prayers.
    Not a sensible idea,Gods job is to help you to face lifes problems,not to end them.

    This life is about experience and learning,what other purpose can there be?

    It is the only logical explanation,I can find.
    Let God help you face your sorrow.and help you heal your pain.

    I had to suffer to find this out.
    May be you will find a better and less painful answer.

    This is the only way,I could come to terms with my loss and pain.and free myself of self pity.
    I am aware not many,if any people think like me,but I cannot help that.
    Is there not a saying, suffer little children to come unto me?

    Hi,
    This is really very
    Hi,

    This is really very painful and it is not that easy to handle this situation and I can understand how it feels. just really not feeling good to hear about your dad as, I will only suggest you to heal yourself and recover your mind.

    Thanks!
  • bflb54
    bflb54 Member Posts: 2
    #9
    Linda44 said:

    your Dad
    My husband and best friend died from stomach cancer October 2008. There's no time limit on when to start grieving and there is no instrution manuel telling you how to grieve. Mine began with sheer shock because I just knew God was going to save him. That all the suffering and all the treatments and hospital stays and pain were just a path that needed to be followed in order for everything to be okay. Nothing has been okay since the day that I knew God left my life. The image of my husband taking his last breath is with me everyday. Sometimes I'm angry. Angry at my husband for leaving, but most of all angry with God for taking him. The nights are the worst. I've dealt with indifference from the people that I thought cared about us the most. I was even told that my husband cheated on me at his funeral. Allow yourself to cry. I was once afraid that I would never stop too. Yell, scream. The weeks following his funeral I wrote letters to him. Long ones that told him how much I missed him, what was going on in mine and our son's life. All the little things that I missed talking to him about. I would ask him questions too. It helped some. Sometimes i feel strong, sometimes I don't. I learned to take each day at a time and allow myself time for tears each day. I'm down to about 25 minutes a day. Big fall from all day, everyday. It's about living your life, but remembering your Dad in it.

    I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace in your memories of him.

    Husband with stage 4 stomach cancer
    Linda44:
    I hope that you are still posting to this site. My husband was diagnosed in March 09 with Stage 4 stomach cancer. I am looking for someone who has gone through something similiar. I feel like I am already grieving and he is not gone yet. He had surgery to remove his stomach but the cancer was too far advanced and the surgery was aborted. He had 25 days of radiation/chemo and is now doing chemo again. The radiation did not shrink the tumor but it actually grew. I am very nervous and not sure what to expect next. If you are not still in too much pain would you please share your experience with me.

    Thanks
    Brenda

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