Monday Blues

LC815
LC815 Member Posts: 155
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hi new friends,

I am at the computer when I should be in the shower. My three girls are asleep and I've got to get them up, too.

I am stuck in front of this screen with tears. I've got to get it together to get us all to school this morning.

Onc says wait one more month to see if the Arimidex is working . . . then chemo if it isn't. How am I going to work then (I'm a teacher)? Last time, I was lucky enough to start AC while on summer break and was done before school started. Taxol wasn't too bad. I'm not sure of what chemo I might have to do next.

I'd love to take a Xanax and climb back into bed.

~Linda

Comments

  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    #2
    Morning Linda
    Sorry you're
    Morning Linda
    Sorry you're going through this,you said again, so I guess you know what to expect anyway.
    I'm a teacher too....getting ready to go to rads before school. I had to do my last 2 chemos after school started this year. I just took days off whenever I felt like it. Never really felt bad at school. The worst thing was dealing with diareah sometimes.I'm sure you have a sick bank for extra sick days. Use them and don't feel guilty. Your classes will be fine!And you will be too.
    Dee
  • S3
    S3 Member Posts: 28
    #3
    dyaneb123 said:

    Morning Linda
    Sorry you're
    Morning Linda
    Sorry you're going through this,you said again, so I guess you know what to expect anyway.
    I'm a teacher too....getting ready to go to rads before school. I had to do my last 2 chemos after school started this year. I just took days off whenever I felt like it. Never really felt bad at school. The worst thing was dealing with diareah sometimes.I'm sure you have a sick bank for extra sick days. Use them and don't feel guilty. Your classes will be fine!And you will be too.
    Dee

    I agree that the diarrhea is
    I agree that the diarrhea is the worst thing to deal with at work. Sometimes one has to take some time off and do not expect too much of yourself!
  • Marlene_K
    Marlene_K Member Posts: 508
    #4
    Linda,
    I'm not a teacher but
    Linda,

    I'm not a teacher but I do work full time and I have scheduled my chemo treatments on Thursday. I take that day off, although being a teacher, you get out a little earlier than me so maybe you could do it later in the day. It seems the day after, I'm fine. Then I get my Neulasta shot later in the day and I consider that weekend a wash. I lay around and get rest so that I feel better by Monday. Thank God I don't have too many side effects, so it's doable for me. Easier said than done, Linda, but try not to project. Take one day at a time. Perhaps this Armidex will work and you won't have to worry about any of this.

    Don't think you're alone... I'd love to crawl right back into bed myself! This was my chemo weekend and I'm still draggin butt a bit. BUT, onward and upward... we can't let cancer drag us down! Life is too precious (even though being a stay-at-home mom would suit me just fine right about now ;)

    I'm sure you've already started your day so I hope it went well. Sometimes when we feel like going to work the least and we manage to go, something good happens to help us feel rewarded for our efforts.

    Hugs ~ Mar
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #5
    Yu must be at school now.
    Yu must be at school now. Wishing you a progressively better morning, and a great day. Like Marlene said, dont project, take it a day at a time, and a minute at a time if needed. You said you were having a crisis in faith and I understand that, because I also went thru that at one time. Please believe that there is something greater than us in this Universe, greater than cancer, something that is holding up the stars and the sun, and with some faith we will and can get thru these dark moments. Sending lighthearted thoughts and prayers your way. God Bless You Linda!
  • Wolfi
    Wolfi Member Posts: 425
    #6
    Not a teacher
    Linda,

    I'm not a teacher but I understand how you feel about wondering how you'll work if on chemo. I am the "go to" person at my company and even though I'm a supervisor in one department everyone from all areas of the company comes to me for help/advice/perspective. Although it was difficult for me to be diagnosed with bc it was equally difficult to "give up" my work for the month I was off after surgery. I had to train my staff, co-workers and executives on my job duties so that everything would get done while I was home. One thing I realized (and am still realizing) is that they company was ok without me. Some things fell through the cracks, but everything is fine now that I'm back. Just like I need to take time for my own bc treatments and appointments, you need to do the same.

    Although teaching kids is a wonderful profession - taking care of YOU is the most important thing you should be focusing on right now.

    I wish you luck on your future treatment. Take care and don't feel bad about feeling bad - we all need to take a day or two off once in a while just for ourselves. You are a strong woman and will take on this challenge and win.
  • LC815
    LC815 Member Posts: 155
    #7
    Wolfi said:

    Not a teacher
    Linda,

    I'm not a teacher but I understand how you feel about wondering how you'll work if on chemo. I am the "go to" person at my company and even though I'm a supervisor in one department everyone from all areas of the company comes to me for help/advice/perspective. Although it was difficult for me to be diagnosed with bc it was equally difficult to "give up" my work for the month I was off after surgery. I had to train my staff, co-workers and executives on my job duties so that everything would get done while I was home. One thing I realized (and am still realizing) is that they company was ok without me. Some things fell through the cracks, but everything is fine now that I'm back. Just like I need to take time for my own bc treatments and appointments, you need to do the same.

    Although teaching kids is a wonderful profession - taking care of YOU is the most important thing you should be focusing on right now.

    I wish you luck on your future treatment. Take care and don't feel bad about feeling bad - we all need to take a day or two off once in a while just for ourselves. You are a strong woman and will take on this challenge and win.

    Better Morning
    Hi everyone,
    Thanks for all of your posts. You're right about taking it one day at a time. I did okay with Taxol the last time, and I can't do anymore AC, so maybe it won't be so bad.

    Whoops, there I go again, looking ahead instead of just living in the moment. I really need to practice this.

    School has been really wonderful and supportive. Now. I work in a private school and am not part of any union. I'm just so afraid that somehow I'll end up unemployed.

    Man, I am SOOOO bad at this!

    Peace.
    Linda
  • LadyParvati
    LadyParvati Member Posts: 328
    #8
    LC815 said:

    Better Morning
    Hi everyone,
    Thanks for all of your posts. You're right about taking it one day at a time. I did okay with Taxol the last time, and I can't do anymore AC, so maybe it won't be so bad.

    Whoops, there I go again, looking ahead instead of just living in the moment. I really need to practice this.

    School has been really wonderful and supportive. Now. I work in a private school and am not part of any union. I'm just so afraid that somehow I'll end up unemployed.

    Man, I am SOOOO bad at this!

    Peace.
    Linda

    Don't beat yourself up.
    It can be almost impossible NOT to think about the future sometimes, Linda--don't beat yourself up for it! I wonder if it might help if you made a list of all your fears--name every one, then tuck that list in your Bible, or throw it in the trash as if you're throwing away a dead fish, or if you want, save it but keep reminding yourself that you've confronted those fears, you know what they are, and you know which ones you can control and which you can't. If you keep the list, remind yourself--if you can--to let the ones you can't control go to God and focus on the ones you can control.

    Sometimes that last trick works for me, but I don't know what will work for you, and a couple of times throwing the list away while thinking, "There goes that dead fish!" has actually worked pretty well. If nothing else, it gives me a chuckle and helps me stop obsessing about things I can't control.

    Taking things one day at a time can be really hard sometimes . . . Be good to yourself.

    Sandy
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #9
    Sending big hugs!
    Oh, Linda, I am hugging you right now. Sometimes, you just need to let go of the worry, and let the future take care of itself. I know, easier said than done. I am self employed, and so had no 'leave of absence' that I could take during my battles with colon followed by breast cancer...but, it worked out ok....I worked when I could, and rested when I was tired.

    As far as what's next, well, if you are wondering, ask. But then, don't obsess. I know it's hard, but the old expression is true: 80% of what we worry about never happens, and the other 20%, we can do nothing UNTIL it happens.....

    BIG hugs to you!!!! And to your darling girls!!!

    Hugs, Kathi

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