confused
Comments
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Patty~
I am so sorry. My husband of almost 25 years passed away on 10-31-09. I know that he loves me and is looking out for me and our kids. I can not "see" him, but remember him in everything around me. When I get really down, I get something of his and hold it close. I love to smell his cologne bottle, call his cell and hear his message. I also am very scared and alone. Mike was my best friend, soulmate - a part of me. I really do not have many friends as Mike and I spent our time together. This is a very hard spot to be in. I am sure that Jack is looking out for you. He surely loves you.
I do not know what to say about Jack's dad and his behavior. I think it is so sad that his daughter is not doing more for her dad. Is there anyone you could talk to (social worker, hospice) that could speak to the daughter and let her know that her behavior is not acceptable? I had to have the doctors help me explain situations to family members. They seem to listen to the doctors and be thankful for the help.
Please try to take care of yourself. I will pray for you - and know that Jack certainly loves you~Cheryl0 -
Patty
As you know I lost my husband on 10-13-09. The emotions that we go through after losing a loved one are so very difficult. But, please don't ever think that Jack has moved on and doesn't love you. Cancer can take away a life but NOTHING can take away LOVE!
I am so sorry to hear about your issues with Jack's dad. You can't do all of this alone. You're exhausted from all the months of taking care of Jack...both physically and emotionally. You need some help....call a social worker to get a caretaker for him. Right now as hard as it may be you need to put yourself first. Are you taking medication for depression? My doctor started me on Lexapro and it is helping. I still cry of course but it helps me to control my emotions and be able to function.
I have pictures of my husband all through the house and I take comfort when I look at them and talk to him. I ask him daily to help give me strength and I truly believe he is here with me and that he hears me.
Please let us know how you're doing!0 -
Patty,
My heart goes out to
Patty,
My heart goes out to you. I hope you will take some time for yourself.
Regarding Jack's father. You may want to try to contact your local Senior Citizens center and see if they have a daycare program. Also, often times the Senior centers have access to resources through the Social Security Administration that may be able to help you with Jack's father and they may even be able to find a residential care facility for him. I know that you promised to take care of him, and finding someone or someplace that can help you would still be taking care of him. This is a huge issue for you to be dealing with at this time and it is so sad that his daughter isn't stepping up to the plate and doing right by her father.
You are in my prayers Patti.
Sherry0 -
Love Never Ends
Love never ends. You were with Jack to the end and he knows that. Now about his Dad, Jack would not have expected you to put up with inappropriate behavior. Call his dad's dr. and explain this behavior to him. Some of the behaviors may be his way of dealing with his grief. Ask for help from your Area Agency on Aging. Tell the sister that you are going to take some time to yourself and do it. My Mom was living with me before my husband's death. My sister took her out of state to her house when it became obvious that Mom was having problems dealing with my husband's deteriorating health. My sister now agrees that my mom needs 24 hour care. I told my sister that I wasn't willing to do that. So for now she is staying with my sister. That was a hard thing for me to say because I felt an obligation to take care of her, too. Yet, I realized that I need to do some healing and need time to do that. So do you. You can't take care of anyone unless you take care of yourself. Fay0 -
Love Never Ends
Once again I seem to have posted twice.0 -
a promise you made
Making a promise to take care of someone does not mean to give up your life. That is not taking care of anyone. You are hurting inside and overwhelmed with responsibility. You can fullfill his promise by getting his dad the proper care he needs. People are trained to do this. Please make some phone calls. Look in the yellow pages under Home Health Services or Home Health Care. You will be so blessed once you get him set up with the right services and proper care. Getting someone proffesional to help is doing your part. No more guilt, frustration, anger, hurt, hopelessness and a feeling of desperation. Please understand in your heart, to give this man the best help is just that. That is taking care of him and doing a very good job of it. There really is alot of help out there for your situation. He qualifies for medicaid at his age, he will have financial help for all his needs and it wont' come out of your pocket. Your heart needs to heal and you need peace and private time. Make your call as soon as you can, that really is taking good care of him. Please email me if you have any questions or concerns, I care for you. marywest8888@yahoo.com God Bless, now go do it. Mary0 -
Ask for Help!
I understand promises - sometimes very hard to keep.
Someone here mentioned senior day care. If Jack's dad is able to get out this would be great.
You mentioned inappropriate remarks. It is possible that he is showing some signs of dementia or confusion - this could be age related or alzheimer's - or it could be medicine.
Cast about and ask for help with any sort of organization even remotely associated with Jack's dad. For example, is he a veteran? - then you can contact the VA for some assistance.
Fatima0 -
still be a caretakermarywest said:a promise you made
Making a promise to take care of someone does not mean to give up your life. That is not taking care of anyone. You are hurting inside and overwhelmed with responsibility. You can fullfill his promise by getting his dad the proper care he needs. People are trained to do this. Please make some phone calls. Look in the yellow pages under Home Health Services or Home Health Care. You will be so blessed once you get him set up with the right services and proper care. Getting someone proffesional to help is doing your part. No more guilt, frustration, anger, hurt, hopelessness and a feeling of desperation. Please understand in your heart, to give this man the best help is just that. That is taking care of him and doing a very good job of it. There really is alot of help out there for your situation. He qualifies for medicaid at his age, he will have financial help for all his needs and it wont' come out of your pocket. Your heart needs to heal and you need peace and private time. Make your call as soon as you can, that really is taking good care of him. Please email me if you have any questions or concerns, I care for you. marywest8888@yahoo.com God Bless, now go do it. Mary
We did make the call for his dad but it could take months, and the family wants me to be the caretaker, and since I already with the agency because of Jack they want to use me and I had to go back to work and Im still waiting for walmart to hire me so now I had to take a job as a care taker I only had one client but I took another one today so now I will be working 7 days a weeks, It is hard on some days cuz I took care of Jack for 17 months maybe it is god will to have me be a caretaker, I dont know I just need a job, and with his dad i will have 3 clients, The one client is totally paralaze Im beat when Im done with my shift ,So i guess this is god will but im drained0 -
CherylCherylMike said:Patty~
I am so sorry. My husband of almost 25 years passed away on 10-31-09. I know that he loves me and is looking out for me and our kids. I can not "see" him, but remember him in everything around me. When I get really down, I get something of his and hold it close. I love to smell his cologne bottle, call his cell and hear his message. I also am very scared and alone. Mike was my best friend, soulmate - a part of me. I really do not have many friends as Mike and I spent our time together. This is a very hard spot to be in. I am sure that Jack is looking out for you. He surely loves you.
I do not know what to say about Jack's dad and his behavior. I think it is so sad that his daughter is not doing more for her dad. Is there anyone you could talk to (social worker, hospice) that could speak to the daughter and let her know that her behavior is not acceptable? I had to have the doctors help me explain situations to family members. They seem to listen to the doctors and be thankful for the help.
Please try to take care of yourself. I will pray for you - and know that Jack certainly loves you~Cheryl
your post struck a cord with me when you said you smell Mike's cologne bottle. When my husband was in the hospital I use to do that every night and it brought back such great memories. Two weeks ago while I was at work he gave all his cologne to his son - I freaked out on him. He couldn't understand why I would want his cologne. He is on hospice and I know I will lose him soon, when he gave that away I felt like I lost a part of him.0 -
no more caretakingCherylMike said:Patty~
I am so sorry. My husband of almost 25 years passed away on 10-31-09. I know that he loves me and is looking out for me and our kids. I can not "see" him, but remember him in everything around me. When I get really down, I get something of his and hold it close. I love to smell his cologne bottle, call his cell and hear his message. I also am very scared and alone. Mike was my best friend, soulmate - a part of me. I really do not have many friends as Mike and I spent our time together. This is a very hard spot to be in. I am sure that Jack is looking out for you. He surely loves you.
I do not know what to say about Jack's dad and his behavior. I think it is so sad that his daughter is not doing more for her dad. Is there anyone you could talk to (social worker, hospice) that could speak to the daughter and let her know that her behavior is not acceptable? I had to have the doctors help me explain situations to family members. They seem to listen to the doctors and be thankful for the help.
Please try to take care of yourself. I will pray for you - and know that Jack certainly loves you~Cheryl
Yea it has been 21/2 weeks since Jack passing, and I still have his cell phone plug in I wear his clothes and I sleep with his picture it is so hard and I quit my caretaking job today it was just to hard to take care of other people so close to losing Jack, I ot re-hired at walmart so I start tomorrow, i need to get away from the medical field, I actually went out to the movies tonight which was nice but I wish Jack was with me, It is still hard for me to realize Jack is gone, You jack was a drummer so I tell my self he is on tour in heaven and Im just waiting for my back stage pass,
Everyone thank you for all of your support and I will try the same and share and help when I can, Junk lady email me your phone number so I have it I deleted
love patty0 -
God's Will?pattynonews said:still be a caretaker
We did make the call for his dad but it could take months, and the family wants me to be the caretaker, and since I already with the agency because of Jack they want to use me and I had to go back to work and Im still waiting for walmart to hire me so now I had to take a job as a care taker I only had one client but I took another one today so now I will be working 7 days a weeks, It is hard on some days cuz I took care of Jack for 17 months maybe it is god will to have me be a caretaker, I dont know I just need a job, and with his dad i will have 3 clients, The one client is totally paralaze Im beat when Im done with my shift ,So i guess this is god will but im drained
Its never Gods will for someone to be drained. but what is his will is to strengthen you, we are weak, we are so human and frail in so many ways. God knows that, his desire and will is to love you through any situation, to make sure all your needs are met, and even tho we are faced with many challenges, and during those times we just dont' know what to do, God does. dont' worry, talk your heart out with him because he cares about you so much. Sometimes you gotta just sit down, take your shoes off, (the weight of the world) share your heart with God and then get thankful. The family wants you to be the caretaker, they probably trust you, but family doesn't make your decision, you do. I think your a very un-selfish person and someone with a big heart. Your facing challenges but yet you are willing to help others. I think your awesome in what your doing. We're here on earth to give and to love, God can' love others without a person loving for him. We are his hand and feet to give and love. If you ever get to the point where you can not do it anymore as far as being a caregiver, then dont'. but I think you will always want to give in some way. Keep up the good work. Being tired at the end of the day is because your working hard. God Bless, You make the decisions in your life, and God will back them up. Mary0
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