time to make the quality vs quantity decision

onlyhuman
onlyhuman Member Posts: 99
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
We have had a massive 24 hours. Paramjeet (my hubby) has been deteriorating rapidly since last Wednesday so we were expecting bad news from the scan results (for the scan he had last Friday) but we weren't exactly prepared for what we got. There is a recurrence in the original site and the new growth has grown and several other new growths have appeared. We see the surgeon next Tuesday to hear if he will operate but we have exhausted all chemo options available for him here in Australia. The oncologist has advised us to think about whether we want quantity or quality. Trying the other chemos may cause him to lose his quality of life (that is already happening anyway). I know the decision is ultimately hubby's and I will respect whatever he decides but that does not make it any easier. Since the GBM 4 diagnosis in March 09 I have been strong and been his strength but since we found out yesterday I have been a blubbering mess. We see the oncologist again in 2 weeks and I will ask him about the advantages and disadvantages of trying the other options (although from what he said yesterday, he didn't think they were options. I am going to allow myself to wallow for another few hours but then thats it its action time.
I know from other posts that others have faced this same decision and would be interested to hear how you handled it.

Regards
Sangeeta

Comments

  • pattynonews
    pattynonews Member Posts: 176
    #2
    quality over quantiy
    Been there done that, Jack passed away last wed and we were in the same sitution we had to make the same decision Jack had no more option and yea we could have tried another trial study but Jack chose quality over quanity, He wanted to enjoy his last days and his final visit to the cancer center the admitted him to the hospital to get stable and they send him home on hospice, It was the saddest day to hear that but we made the decision, it is hard, by heart goes out to you, Jack is now gone home and I miss him so much
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Difficult Time
    I have also been there. It is very hard. I don't have any words of wisdom. I can only offer my story. My husband chose, after 6 years of treatment, that he didn't want to "chase a cure" - his words. And yes, I did support his decision and see it as the best one at that time. On the 75 minute ride home from our last visit to the oncologist I asked him what he wanted to do and who he wanted to see. He had a couple of ideas and we made those happen. Two friends from out of state came for a visit, and we stayed at the Ahwahnee Hotel in Yosemite National Park. Since you are in Australia you probably haven't heard of that, but it's a beautiful place. I, too, cried a lot. We cried together. That's ok. In many ways, I think we went through much of the grief cycle together. We shared our thoughts and fears. We were really blessed with a lot of family, friends, and church support. On my husband's last day our pastor came, played his guitar, sang to my husband, and offered a prayer. That was very helpful for all of us. Fay
  • joanneire
    joanneire Member Posts: 75 Member
    #4
    grandmafay said:

    Difficult Time
    I have also been there. It is very hard. I don't have any words of wisdom. I can only offer my story. My husband chose, after 6 years of treatment, that he didn't want to "chase a cure" - his words. And yes, I did support his decision and see it as the best one at that time. On the 75 minute ride home from our last visit to the oncologist I asked him what he wanted to do and who he wanted to see. He had a couple of ideas and we made those happen. Two friends from out of state came for a visit, and we stayed at the Ahwahnee Hotel in Yosemite National Park. Since you are in Australia you probably haven't heard of that, but it's a beautiful place. I, too, cried a lot. We cried together. That's ok. In many ways, I think we went through much of the grief cycle together. We shared our thoughts and fears. We were really blessed with a lot of family, friends, and church support. On my husband's last day our pastor came, played his guitar, sang to my husband, and offered a prayer. That was very helpful for all of us. Fay

    Hi
    My husband (age 30) has
    Hi

    My husband (age 30) has been given 1-2 weeks to live. Our second baby is due in 5 weeks and and our little boy is only 14 months old. It is devastating to realise that there is nothing more to be done, but in a very weird way, I think this time together is precious and I know that things will be so much tougher when he's gone. Thinking of you all.
  • onlyhuman
    onlyhuman Member Posts: 99
    #5
    joanneire said:

    Hi
    My husband (age 30) has
    Hi

    My husband (age 30) has been given 1-2 weeks to live. Our second baby is due in 5 weeks and and our little boy is only 14 months old. It is devastating to realise that there is nothing more to be done, but in a very weird way, I think this time together is precious and I know that things will be so much tougher when he's gone. Thinking of you all.

    Joanneire
    I agree that this time together is precious. He is deteriorating drastically everyday so I am making the most of the time we have left. We have 2 girls (aged 9 and 3) and if his deterioration scares me I can only imagine how it makes them feel.
    Wishing you and your family all the best.

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