I am new here....Feeling helpless and hopeless
Comments
-
He had a feeding tube whenmumphy said:possible feeding tube
Hi,
Maybe you should discuss with the Dr. about giving him a feeding tube just to help him gain
weight and the slowly ween him off along with eating by mouth.
It's worth a try!
Kath
He had a feeding tube when he got out of the hospital in April. It was removed in July. At that time he seemed to be doing ok. Since August he has just done downhill. In August he weighed about 150, now we are at 130. It is just very frustrating and I don't know what to do. They say he may be depressed, but I think it is more than that. Maybe I am reading too much into things. I just don't know how to help him0 -
Cancer
Hello, I am so sorry that your husband is not feeling better. Do they have him on a feeding tube? I had stage 3 and went through the radiation, chemo, and surgery too. I went from 220lbs. down to 140lbs but was on a feeding tube. I got stronger after I started eating normally again. As simple as it sounds, your husband needs to get positive. I was told a positive attitude makes all the difference in getting better. Is there anything that will cheer him up? A visit from an old lost friend, anything like this?0 -
The feeding tube came out inTimKD said:Cancer
Hello, I am so sorry that your husband is not feeling better. Do they have him on a feeding tube? I had stage 3 and went through the radiation, chemo, and surgery too. I went from 220lbs. down to 140lbs but was on a feeding tube. I got stronger after I started eating normally again. As simple as it sounds, your husband needs to get positive. I was told a positive attitude makes all the difference in getting better. Is there anything that will cheer him up? A visit from an old lost friend, anything like this?
The feeding tube came out in July. I've tried everything to get him to change his attitude. I have had his friends talk to him and visit. I don't know how to help him. I tell him he needs to think more positive, he just looks at me and says...you have no idea, I am the one with the cancer. Well they say the cancer is gone and he knows this. I just don't get it. They have him on an anitdepressent that doesn't seem to work. How long did it take you to get better? To start gaining weight? He had surgery in May0 -
HOPELESS NOT YET
Don't feel hopeless yet, even though your husband is telling you that you are not the one with CANCER, well i have to say maybe not officially with CANCER, but you do own a part of it, you was there for surgery, you helped him bath, you made sure he was clean, you took care of him, so you are part of Cancer, I was with my husband from the time he was diagnosed through surgery, home, and i still care for him periodocally. My husband had surgery in July and he also has lost weight of 80 lbs which is fine now down to 224. Why won't he eat? is the food getting stuck? or he just doesn't want to eat? My husband goes through that also but I always have pudding jello, soft things for him to eat, and whatever he feels like he can eat. You don't say how old your husband is.
I have to say at one time I was ready to give up, but this site kept me going, I hope this has helped please let me know if you need anything, as my husband had the open full esophojectomy with feeding tube and all.
Thanks
Lori aka MOE0 -
HOPELESS NOT YET
Don't feel hopeless yet, even though your husband is telling you that you are not the one with CANCER, well i have to say maybe not officially with CANCER, but you do own a part of it, you was there for surgery, you helped him bath, you made sure he was clean, you took care of him, so you are part of Cancer, I was with my husband from the time he was diagnosed through surgery, home, and i still care for him periodocally. My husband had surgery in July and he also has lost weight of 80 lbs which is fine now down to 224. Why won't he eat? is the food getting stuck? or he just doesn't want to eat? My husband goes through that also but I always have pudding jello, soft things for him to eat, and whatever he feels like he can eat. You don't say how old your husband is.
I have to say at one time I was ready to give up, but this site kept me going, I hope this has helped please let me know if you need anything, as my husband had the open full esophojectomy with feeding tube and all.
Thanks
Lori aka MOE0 -
HOPELESS NOT YET
Don't feel hopeless yet, even though your husband is telling you that you are not the one with CANCER, well i have to say maybe not officially with CANCER, but you do own a part of it, you was there for surgery, you helped him bath, you made sure he was clean, you took care of him, so you are part of Cancer, I was with my husband from the time he was diagnosed through surgery, home, and i still care for him periodocally. My husband had surgery in July and he also has lost weight of 80 lbs which is fine now down to 224. Why won't he eat? is the food getting stuck? or he just doesn't want to eat? My husband goes through that also but I always have pudding jello, soft things for him to eat, and whatever he feels like he can eat. You don't say how old your husband is.
I have to say at one time I was ready to give up, but this site kept me going, I hope this has helped please let me know if you need anything, as my husband had the open full esophojectomy with feeding tube and all.
Thanks
Lori aka MOE0 -
I think perhaps counseling is in orderchrisk06 said:The feeding tube came out in
The feeding tube came out in July. I've tried everything to get him to change his attitude. I have had his friends talk to him and visit. I don't know how to help him. I tell him he needs to think more positive, he just looks at me and says...you have no idea, I am the one with the cancer. Well they say the cancer is gone and he knows this. I just don't get it. They have him on an anitdepressent that doesn't seem to work. How long did it take you to get better? To start gaining weight? He had surgery in May
i don't know where he got his care, but I know our facility has counseling available. If you don't have it there, get it elsewhere.
It sounds psychological to me...and I wouldn't be surprised! He has watched EC take two people he cares about. He assumes then that it is a foregone conclusion that he is next. That is a deep enough issue to get some counseling for.
It is a tough journey, and sometimes, you need help with it!0 -
CancerMOE58 said:HOPELESS NOT YET
Don't feel hopeless yet, even though your husband is telling you that you are not the one with CANCER, well i have to say maybe not officially with CANCER, but you do own a part of it, you was there for surgery, you helped him bath, you made sure he was clean, you took care of him, so you are part of Cancer, I was with my husband from the time he was diagnosed through surgery, home, and i still care for him periodocally. My husband had surgery in July and he also has lost weight of 80 lbs which is fine now down to 224. Why won't he eat? is the food getting stuck? or he just doesn't want to eat? My husband goes through that also but I always have pudding jello, soft things for him to eat, and whatever he feels like he can eat. You don't say how old your husband is.
I have to say at one time I was ready to give up, but this site kept me going, I hope this has helped please let me know if you need anything, as my husband had the open full esophojectomy with feeding tube and all.
Thanks
Lori aka MOE
MOE, Thnak you for responding. He is 57 years old. The food isn't getting stuck, he just has no appetite. Now the Dr. wants to do a scope, but our insurance through his work ended in October. I just don't see any inmprovements since his suregery. I hope this response doesn't seem to be all over the place, but that is kinda how my mind is working lately. I don't remember what the other post said or who said it, but maybe it is psychological. I just don't know. All I know is that everyday I watch my husband waste away and it is killing me inside. I keep things for him to eat that he likes, but he only picks at them. You've heard "eats like a bird" well that is him. If he eats a peice of toast in the morning and a few bites of soup in the afternoon i am lucky. Sometimes after he eats, he spits out this foamy stuff. I just don't know how to help him anymore. I feel like he fights me alot. He had just abut everything that could go wrong go wrong....port caused blood clot in neck, 1st round of chemo (cisplatin & 5FU)put him in the hospital for 3 days. During surgery his lung wasn't strong enough to do the work for both so they would inflate for 3 min deflate for 2 to let the surgeon work. They did this for 2 hours. He was in ICU for 7 days...it's just been one thing after another. He hates his doctors, he thinks they lied to him just to get his insurance money. I think the Dr. just gave him best case scenerio and never told him about all of the after effects. His Dr. is the best in our area, so I doubt the Dr. lied. I just don't know what to do0 -
CounselingBetty in Vegas said:I think perhaps counseling is in order
i don't know where he got his care, but I know our facility has counseling available. If you don't have it there, get it elsewhere.
It sounds psychological to me...and I wouldn't be surprised! He has watched EC take two people he cares about. He assumes then that it is a foregone conclusion that he is next. That is a deep enough issue to get some counseling for.
It is a tough journey, and sometimes, you need help with it!
Betty,
I wish it were as easy as that. My husband wouldn't go to counseling if you held a gun to his head. And right now he might as well be. I am watching him get weaker everyday. I just don't know how to help him.
Chris0 -
He must fightchrisk06 said:Cancer
MOE, Thnak you for responding. He is 57 years old. The food isn't getting stuck, he just has no appetite. Now the Dr. wants to do a scope, but our insurance through his work ended in October. I just don't see any inmprovements since his suregery. I hope this response doesn't seem to be all over the place, but that is kinda how my mind is working lately. I don't remember what the other post said or who said it, but maybe it is psychological. I just don't know. All I know is that everyday I watch my husband waste away and it is killing me inside. I keep things for him to eat that he likes, but he only picks at them. You've heard "eats like a bird" well that is him. If he eats a peice of toast in the morning and a few bites of soup in the afternoon i am lucky. Sometimes after he eats, he spits out this foamy stuff. I just don't know how to help him anymore. I feel like he fights me alot. He had just abut everything that could go wrong go wrong....port caused blood clot in neck, 1st round of chemo (cisplatin & 5FU)put him in the hospital for 3 days. During surgery his lung wasn't strong enough to do the work for both so they would inflate for 3 min deflate for 2 to let the surgeon work. They did this for 2 hours. He was in ICU for 7 days...it's just been one thing after another. He hates his doctors, he thinks they lied to him just to get his insurance money. I think the Dr. just gave him best case scenerio and never told him about all of the after effects. His Dr. is the best in our area, so I doubt the Dr. lied. I just don't know what to do
You must convince him to FIGHT....if not for himself...than for you!!! My husband is also 57 and believe me, 9 months ago, I would have bet you that he would never take an anti-depressant or go to a support group. Well he does both now.....I pushed and pushed...
When he came home from his first round of chemo, he too was eating like a bird.....but that did gradually improve as he felt better.
I know how difficult it is.....being a caretaker stinks....I wish every day it was me instead of him that had gotten ill. You never know if you are doing the right thing.
Hang in there....I pray it will get better and stay strong.
Jane0 -
i know it sounds hokeychrisk06 said:Cancer
MOE, Thnak you for responding. He is 57 years old. The food isn't getting stuck, he just has no appetite. Now the Dr. wants to do a scope, but our insurance through his work ended in October. I just don't see any inmprovements since his suregery. I hope this response doesn't seem to be all over the place, but that is kinda how my mind is working lately. I don't remember what the other post said or who said it, but maybe it is psychological. I just don't know. All I know is that everyday I watch my husband waste away and it is killing me inside. I keep things for him to eat that he likes, but he only picks at them. You've heard "eats like a bird" well that is him. If he eats a peice of toast in the morning and a few bites of soup in the afternoon i am lucky. Sometimes after he eats, he spits out this foamy stuff. I just don't know how to help him anymore. I feel like he fights me alot. He had just abut everything that could go wrong go wrong....port caused blood clot in neck, 1st round of chemo (cisplatin & 5FU)put him in the hospital for 3 days. During surgery his lung wasn't strong enough to do the work for both so they would inflate for 3 min deflate for 2 to let the surgeon work. They did this for 2 hours. He was in ICU for 7 days...it's just been one thing after another. He hates his doctors, he thinks they lied to him just to get his insurance money. I think the Dr. just gave him best case scenerio and never told him about all of the after effects. His Dr. is the best in our area, so I doubt the Dr. lied. I just don't know what to do
But pray. At this point, your husband has to WANT to get better. He isn't listening to you, so you have to go to someone over his head. Call on God. The Lord hears the cries of wives, and he knows your heart. He can change things when nothing else can.
May I also suggest that if he got surgery, that unless something was found in a pet scan, there really is nothing there to be making him feel this way so far out. If he needs to have a scope done, then go down, get him on social security (he gets on automatically for EC) and then apply for medicare for him. It will cover his treatment from there.
After surgery, a person has to want to get better. They need to have the will to move forward and believe that they can heal.
Therefore, I think prayer...and hide yourself in Psalm 55. I love that Psalm. It says in there that the Lord holds all our tears in his bottle...he knows our concerns and our sadness...and he holds us through it all.
I'll be praying for you,
Betty0 -
bettyBetty in Vegas said:i know it sounds hokey
But pray. At this point, your husband has to WANT to get better. He isn't listening to you, so you have to go to someone over his head. Call on God. The Lord hears the cries of wives, and he knows your heart. He can change things when nothing else can.
May I also suggest that if he got surgery, that unless something was found in a pet scan, there really is nothing there to be making him feel this way so far out. If he needs to have a scope done, then go down, get him on social security (he gets on automatically for EC) and then apply for medicare for him. It will cover his treatment from there.
After surgery, a person has to want to get better. They need to have the will to move forward and believe that they can heal.
Therefore, I think prayer...and hide yourself in Psalm 55. I love that Psalm. It says in there that the Lord holds all our tears in his bottle...he knows our concerns and our sadness...and he holds us through it all.
I'll be praying for you,
Betty
Everyone has told me Jeff will get his social security we applied just last week, how do you know this? Please advise me? Anything how do i search for this info. I need your help.
Thanks
Lori0 -
To LoriMOE58 said:betty
Everyone has told me Jeff will get his social security we applied just last week, how do you know this? Please advise me? Anything how do i search for this info. I need your help.
Thanks
Lori
I have been visiting this site since June '09. Husband diagnosed in June 09. We applied for is SS disability , took paperwork I had to SS office and she said EC was pushed thru quickly, was approved in 2 weeks, so keep watching the mail. There is a 6 month wait from time diagnosed, so we are to received 1st check in December. My husband is 61, so no medicare, still on medical insurance from his job because he had long term disability, but that will end in Dec. and then will have to look at Cobra. But I did find on the web someting about Federal government helping with Cobra premiums. I still have to research it more. It was something about aid of 65% of your Cobra premiums. I think you have 60 days to do this in, so you might check that out also.0 -
No Appetite
Have he tried Megace Oral? My husband had no appetite, several weeks of not eating, vast weight lost, finally got the doc to do something and he prescribe this. It is an appetite enchancer. Jim finally feels hungry now, so he will eat and has maintain weight for 2 months, even gained a few pounds. After losing 5-8 pounds a week, this was a blessing or what we call another God Thing.0 -
How long to gain weightchrisk06 said:The feeding tube came out in
The feeding tube came out in July. I've tried everything to get him to change his attitude. I have had his friends talk to him and visit. I don't know how to help him. I tell him he needs to think more positive, he just looks at me and says...you have no idea, I am the one with the cancer. Well they say the cancer is gone and he knows this. I just don't get it. They have him on an anitdepressent that doesn't seem to work. How long did it take you to get better? To start gaining weight? He had surgery in May
I think it took almost a year before I started to gain weight again, a year after the surgery. I had chemo, radiation, and then surgery in that order. I developed a leak at the incision site and developed an infection which almost killed me. I now have a deformed back because of this, a large deep scare under my shoulder blade. I traveled back east to see my daughter in college in October and had the surgery the previous November. I was weak but I managed. Did he have any complications that could be contributing to his malaise? He won the battle, the worst is over, all he needs to do is work on getting his strength back and feeling healthy again which will come in time. Its a long process. How much does he eat in a typical day?0 -
No Appetitesallen2001 said:No Appetite
Have he tried Megace Oral? My husband had no appetite, several weeks of not eating, vast weight lost, finally got the doc to do something and he prescribe this. It is an appetite enchancer. Jim finally feels hungry now, so he will eat and has maintain weight for 2 months, even gained a few pounds. After losing 5-8 pounds a week, this was a blessing or what we call another God Thing.
Medical Pot would increase his appetite as well.0 -
LoriMOE58 said:betty
Everyone has told me Jeff will get his social security we applied just last week, how do you know this? Please advise me? Anything how do i search for this info. I need your help.
Thanks
Lori
I applied for my husband a few wekks ago and of now I have heard nothing. I had also read that if the tumor is removed, that Social Security considers the person "cured". I am not sure if the after effects that he is going through now will be the deciding factor. I will keep you posted with our progress0 -
PrayerBetty in Vegas said:i know it sounds hokey
But pray. At this point, your husband has to WANT to get better. He isn't listening to you, so you have to go to someone over his head. Call on God. The Lord hears the cries of wives, and he knows your heart. He can change things when nothing else can.
May I also suggest that if he got surgery, that unless something was found in a pet scan, there really is nothing there to be making him feel this way so far out. If he needs to have a scope done, then go down, get him on social security (he gets on automatically for EC) and then apply for medicare for him. It will cover his treatment from there.
After surgery, a person has to want to get better. They need to have the will to move forward and believe that they can heal.
Therefore, I think prayer...and hide yourself in Psalm 55. I love that Psalm. It says in there that the Lord holds all our tears in his bottle...he knows our concerns and our sadness...and he holds us through it all.
I'll be praying for you,
Betty
Betty every night I sit in my rooom and beg God to help him, to help him find his inner strength to beat this monster and so far nothing. I am not saying I am giving up, cause I'm not, I just question if he really hears me? I know that sounds stupid.0
Discussion Boards
- All Discussion Boards
- 6 CSN Information
- 6 Welcome to CSN
- 121.8K Cancer specific
- 2.8K Anal Cancer
- 446 Bladder Cancer
- 309 Bone Cancers
- 1.6K Brain Cancer
- 28.5K Breast Cancer
- 397 Childhood Cancers
- 27.9K Colorectal Cancer
- 4.6K Esophageal Cancer
- 1.2K Gynecological Cancers (other than ovarian and uterine)
- 13K Head and Neck Cancer
- 6.4K Kidney Cancer
- 671 Leukemia
- 792 Liver Cancer
- 4.1K Lung Cancer
- 5.1K Lymphoma (Hodgkin and Non-Hodgkin)
- 237 Multiple Myeloma
- 7.1K Ovarian Cancer
- 61 Pancreatic Cancer
- 487 Peritoneal Cancer
- 5.5K Prostate Cancer
- 1.2K Rare and Other Cancers
- 539 Sarcoma
- 730 Skin Cancer
- 653 Stomach Cancer
- 191 Testicular Cancer
- 1.5K Thyroid Cancer
- 5.8K Uterine/Endometrial Cancer
- 6.3K Lifestyle Discussion Boards