i cant do this

pattynonews
pattynonews Member Posts: 176
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
I dont think I can do this without Jack We creamated him this morning, it is real now he is gone and there are people causing so much drama and Jack was here to stop all the stupidess, Im trying so hard but I am actally sleeping with his picture just to think he is here with me, I lost my soul mate, how do I go day by day without Jack, I was strong when Jack was sick I did it all I could handle it all but I can not do this without him

Comments

  • MichelleP
    MichelleP Member Posts: 254
    #2
    Patty
    I know how you are feeling Patty. I too have the family drama. It started within hours of my husband passing from his ex and adult children. And I also sleep with items of my husbands. On the first night I brought his ashes home I placed them in the bed next to me. It's been 28 days now and I wander from room to room not knowing what to do with myself. I start projects and get so emotional I walk away without finishing anything. I'm going to be seeing a shrink whenever I can bring myself to make an appt. The meds I'm taking now aren't helping at all and I can't even sleep nor eat.

    I wish I had words of advice for you Patty but I don't. But I can tell you that you aren't alone in this journey. I pray for you dear one...I pray for all of us.
  • Dazey
    Dazey Member Posts: 91
    #3
    MichelleP said:

    Patty
    I know how you are feeling Patty. I too have the family drama. It started within hours of my husband passing from his ex and adult children. And I also sleep with items of my husbands. On the first night I brought his ashes home I placed them in the bed next to me. It's been 28 days now and I wander from room to room not knowing what to do with myself. I start projects and get so emotional I walk away without finishing anything. I'm going to be seeing a shrink whenever I can bring myself to make an appt. The meds I'm taking now aren't helping at all and I can't even sleep nor eat.

    I wish I had words of advice for you Patty but I don't. But I can tell you that you aren't alone in this journey. I pray for you dear one...I pray for all of us.

    must do this
    I am so sorry for both of you. I walked that path 12 years ago. I was the caretaker for my husband who battled lung cancer and larynx cancer -leading to a laryngectomy and a Blom-Singer voice box.(Especially hard on a trumpet player) Going through the cancer battle leaves the caregiver (spouse) with a form of PTSD. It is horrible. I remember going through the house and expecting to "find him" , looking in pockets for notes, anythinbg to bring him back- tears coming during a conversations with a friend; sobbing when alone. Grief is described by many fine authors, but those that have to live it really know there is no definition. You will feel the loss of your loved one till the day you die. As long as one person in a relationship is alive, so is the relationship. There will be times when you will think you cannot survive; other times you wonder how you are surviving. I changed family rituals at times just to try to leave the pain of loss. The loss will always be there - it is like walking through life next to a smoke screen - with one scent, one sound, that smoke screen clears and you are right back there. Please know that you will go on, differently, but on. I am no longer the caretaker, but the patient. I have a similar cancer and my memories of those former battles are right in the here and now. Just remember the love you shared - that will never go away. You are in my thoughts. Dazey
  • pattynonews
    pattynonews Member Posts: 176
    #4
    MichelleP said:

    Patty
    I know how you are feeling Patty. I too have the family drama. It started within hours of my husband passing from his ex and adult children. And I also sleep with items of my husbands. On the first night I brought his ashes home I placed them in the bed next to me. It's been 28 days now and I wander from room to room not knowing what to do with myself. I start projects and get so emotional I walk away without finishing anything. I'm going to be seeing a shrink whenever I can bring myself to make an appt. The meds I'm taking now aren't helping at all and I can't even sleep nor eat.

    I wish I had words of advice for you Patty but I don't. But I can tell you that you aren't alone in this journey. I pray for you dear one...I pray for all of us.

    im trying michelle
    I also try to do things and just can seem to get anything done, it is like it is not real Jack is going to come back , We have not picked up his ashes, yet, we actually went to the cremation, and his dad and sister pressed the button, I was not expecting them to show us the body, and I am having dreams and it is weird I never had dreams especially ones that I could remember, Jack always had intense dreams and could tell you exactly what they were about, I am having them now, where I am waking up and it takes me time to catch my bearing, and they are so intense, So how do I explain them, and I keep waiting for sign, I feel like jack has gone and forgotten me I feel he is in a better place and he will continue and not love me anymore, it is such a lost feeling, Thank you Michelle for always listen and being there,
  • MichelleP
    MichelleP Member Posts: 254
    #5
    pattynonews said:

    im trying michelle
    I also try to do things and just can seem to get anything done, it is like it is not real Jack is going to come back , We have not picked up his ashes, yet, we actually went to the cremation, and his dad and sister pressed the button, I was not expecting them to show us the body, and I am having dreams and it is weird I never had dreams especially ones that I could remember, Jack always had intense dreams and could tell you exactly what they were about, I am having them now, where I am waking up and it takes me time to catch my bearing, and they are so intense, So how do I explain them, and I keep waiting for sign, I feel like jack has gone and forgotten me I feel he is in a better place and he will continue and not love me anymore, it is such a lost feeling, Thank you Michelle for always listen and being there,

    Patty
    My dear one...if "ANYTHING" remember that Jack will never EVER forget you. Our loved ones who pass on communicate to us through our dreams.

    Deceased loved ones are available to us anytime we think of them-in another dimension and just in spirit form. Existing only a thought away. Death does not separate us in a spiritual sense; in fact, we can enhance our relationship even more so because there is no judgment on the other side. You may communicate your truest intentions of your heart. They are completely aware of your thoughts and feelings about them. Our souls are intertwined by energy, allowing us to draw on this energy to communicate with them, telepathically.

    There are many ways a deceased loved one can communicate with a person; vocal, a touch, a smell, visual experience, dreams and through electricity. They keep their After Death Communication (ADC) to a minimal as not to startle or scare you. ADC is their gift to you, assuring you of their survival, letting you know they are just fine on the other side!
  • CherylMike
    CherylMike Member Posts: 118
    #6
    I lost Mike on Halloween
    Pattynonews~ My husband passed away on halloween. He battled head and neck cancer for over 2 years. Hospice made it possible for him to be at home when he passed. He was surrounded by his family. I held his hand as he died. My 21 year old son and I bathed and dressed Mike. I picked up his ashes yesterday. My family and I plan to spread them next spring. I sleep with his robe and cry every night in the closet - it smells like him. I am having a VERY tough time at night. I know Mike is watching over us and does not hurt anymore, but this is hard. We would have been married for 25 years on Dec. 27th. We have 3 kids, the youngest is 13. I think that is what has kept me going. I am trying to carry on the family for him. I am so sorry for your loss. I do not have any words of wisdom as I too am lost. I hope that in time the horrible pain will dull and I can once again find joy in life. Right now life is barren without Mike.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #7
    CherylMike said:

    I lost Mike on Halloween
    Pattynonews~ My husband passed away on halloween. He battled head and neck cancer for over 2 years. Hospice made it possible for him to be at home when he passed. He was surrounded by his family. I held his hand as he died. My 21 year old son and I bathed and dressed Mike. I picked up his ashes yesterday. My family and I plan to spread them next spring. I sleep with his robe and cry every night in the closet - it smells like him. I am having a VERY tough time at night. I know Mike is watching over us and does not hurt anymore, but this is hard. We would have been married for 25 years on Dec. 27th. We have 3 kids, the youngest is 13. I think that is what has kept me going. I am trying to carry on the family for him. I am so sorry for your loss. I do not have any words of wisdom as I too am lost. I hope that in time the horrible pain will dull and I can once again find joy in life. Right now life is barren without Mike.

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #8
    unknown said:

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

    I always had hope
    from the tme they told us angel had colon cancer,After the first surgery to remove the tumor the dr said he would need chemo he was a stage 3c but i guess there was more cancer had the chest port in getting horrilbe chemo made him so sick .But i still hoped the chemo would work and he would be ok. now stage 4 tumors growing on the oustside of the large and small interstines tumor on liver and kidney. more chemo hoping this one would work but it did not jan 09 had blockage surgery to remove blockage to many big tumors all over pelvic area,closed him up gave him the bag so now the drs are saying there is nothing more we can do so they put the pain pump in the stomach cavity and we went home with no hope left of fighting this . we have cried alot since nov 07 when they fist found the cancer to jan 09 when he was sent home to die. at that point my hope was gone for him to live threw this. My hope was for angel not to be in pain that was not to be he had it very bad at the end so from jan to april we lived every minute together, Then he died on april 16th 2009 he was 53 and we have been married for 35 yrs. And now i hope angel is watching over me and guiding me.It is the hardest thing to ever do is watch you husband wither away and die and you can't stop it. Sorry if i am rambling but i am missing angel alot today. It will be 7 months on the 16th that i haven't seen my husband. But i am ok and going in the right direction it is hard sometimes..

    michelle
  • allackey
    allackey Member Posts: 19
    #9
    Be Safe
    I don’t look for the day when I will lose my wife of 23 years and mother of our 4 children; she is my soulmate also. With her stage IV colon cancer I now live day to day. I know we all are not promised tomorrow. I do know that if I were to go first, then I would want her to carry on with strength and dignity. I would want her to know that I am no longer in pain and that my passing would be good for me. Now consider what your loved one would want of you. Yes, he would want you to grieve for him; this secures a place in your heart that can never be taken- he is forever embedded in your life; whether here or not. I just want to encourage you to move forward, don’t give up, and believe for him that you will carry on. You know he wants you to be safe, for him. Take care of yourself. God bless and prayers to you.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #10
    No Choice
    We really don't have a choice about going forward without our soulmates. I was very blessed to meet mine early and be married to him for 42 years. I am also blessed with a couple of wonderful sons who call me regularly. A month ago, I lived in a home with three adults, three dogs, and a cat. Now I live alone with a dog and a cat. My mother and her dog have gone to live with my sister. That's a good thing. Our 13 year old basset hound had to be put to sleep the week before my husband died -not a good thing. I sometime wonder if I can keep going, but I don't have a choice. So I have set small goals for myself. I go out to eat at least once a week with a friend. I get a massage every other week. I eat at least one good meal a day. I also reached one of my other goals yesterday by eating out by myself. I took a book and had breakfast at a local coffee shop. To others these things may seem like really simple things, but I know that you understand that they aren't. I don't know if goal setting would work for you. I have also been taking care of the business stuff and writing thank you notes. I continue to receive sympathy cards. I also heard from a friend who had not heard of my husband's death. We left a message on his phone, but he didn't get it. I do believe that my husband is still watching over me. I feel his presence. I truly believe that the ashes my son and I buried was just a shell. My husband's spirit and love left that body when his heart stopped beating. He is now with God and is one of my guardian angels. I think that helps me go on. It was his time. My time has not come. God still has use for me here on earth. Fay

Discussion Boards