Just keep staring...

elizarose
elizarose Member Posts: 124
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Last week I finally finished 11 months of treatment and Sat. I received a letter from my surgeon saying it was time for my MRI. I just keep staring at the piece of paper knowing I need to call and make this appointment, but can't make myself pick up the phone and do it. I dread it.

Beth

Comments

  • lovelylola
    lovelylola Member Posts: 279
    #2
    Beth - yes it's scary but you can do it
    I look at your comment "finished 11 months of treatment" it takes courage and faith to do that. We are all at the point at some time during this journey, dreading what comes next, what if? and it comes from start to finish. Take a deep breathe and then make the call. Know we are behind you and remember NED is out there waiting to sign you dance card.
    {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} coming your way. Lola
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #3
    Eliza
    Isn't it weird that we
    Eliza
    Isn't it weird that we have these fears or hesitation about these tests? In the back of our minds or maybe in the front for some, is that fear that the cancer is back. But it is more likely that it is gone and you are NED. For me, the sooner I can schedule my tests and get on with it the better. I know you will call, you are just having this moment of facing it all. Also, when I am between tests and follow ups, I don't have to really think about the cancer or recurrences or new ones etc. But when I have to go for tests etc. it brings it all back into my face. I think that is what bothers me about the Lynch syndrome and all these new yearly tests and checks I will have to do. Just a nasty reminder that cancer dwells somewhere out there and is waiting for me. Not necessarily true but hard to stop those thoughts.
    My suggestion is make the appointment right away, get it over and done with and then when you have the good news, tell us and we will start the music, NED will dust off his tux and you can put on your dancing shoes.
    My kindest thoughts are with you and I know you will stop staring soon and make the call.
    Stef
  • elizarose
    elizarose Member Posts: 124
    #4
    fauxma said:

    Eliza
    Isn't it weird that we
    Eliza
    Isn't it weird that we have these fears or hesitation about these tests? In the back of our minds or maybe in the front for some, is that fear that the cancer is back. But it is more likely that it is gone and you are NED. For me, the sooner I can schedule my tests and get on with it the better. I know you will call, you are just having this moment of facing it all. Also, when I am between tests and follow ups, I don't have to really think about the cancer or recurrences or new ones etc. But when I have to go for tests etc. it brings it all back into my face. I think that is what bothers me about the Lynch syndrome and all these new yearly tests and checks I will have to do. Just a nasty reminder that cancer dwells somewhere out there and is waiting for me. Not necessarily true but hard to stop those thoughts.
    My suggestion is make the appointment right away, get it over and done with and then when you have the good news, tell us and we will start the music, NED will dust off his tux and you can put on your dancing shoes.
    My kindest thoughts are with you and I know you will stop staring soon and make the call.
    Stef

    My oncologist told me 3
    My oncologist told me 3 weeks ago that I was considered to be in remission. I never really feel like I can say that and believe it is true. And now I am going to have a test that could possibly tell me I'm not in remission. In conversations I'm not sure if I am supposed to say I had cancer, or I have cancer, I battled cancer, I'm battling cancer... I know I just have to figure this out but it helps to at least verbalize it.

    Beth
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    #5
    I was just talking about that
    with a coworker on Friday.

    I've apparently inspired a few coworkers to get their mammograms and other checkups, and this person was found to have high blood pressure on her physical. We were talking about the feeling of wanting to know (if it's good news), but not wanted to know (if it's bad news). And of course the only way to know if it's good or bad news is to get the test done. The alternative is to live in blissful ignorance until whatever might be lurking is so far advanced it either kills us or causes pain. We all know in reality it is better to know early so that we have a chance to fight the good fight.

    I haven't crossed that bridge yet as I'm just starting my treatments, but I definitely understand your reluctance. I also know that you're strong enough to face the facts, and am confident that your results will have you dancing with NED!

    Take care,
  • Fran1947
    Fran1947 Member Posts: 72
    #6
    MRI
    Hi Beth,

    I so understand what you are saying. I know your fear isn't about the actual MRi, but the anxiety about what it might show. I have a "holding cross" that I use to center myself and remind me of God's care for me. It is wood and fits nicely into my hand. I take it to all my tests - and since it is wood they let me keep it with me. I have even had nurses ask me where to get one for themselves. I end up giving mine away frequently & having to replace it.

    I hope & pray that your test shows that everything is good!

    Shalom,

    Fran
  • tjhay
    tjhay Member Posts: 655
    #7
    elizarose said:

    My oncologist told me 3
    My oncologist told me 3 weeks ago that I was considered to be in remission. I never really feel like I can say that and believe it is true. And now I am going to have a test that could possibly tell me I'm not in remission. In conversations I'm not sure if I am supposed to say I had cancer, or I have cancer, I battled cancer, I'm battling cancer... I know I just have to figure this out but it helps to at least verbalize it.

    Beth

    This is a easy one, no
    This is a easy one, no matter your status, YOU ARE A CANCER SURVIROR!
    I know it is hard, make the call, get the test, deep breath, you are never alone in this
    tj
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #8
    Your fears are absolutely
    Your fears are absolutely normal; after doing battle with the beast we can have a tendency to think that a hangnail is a precursor to BC!

    My warrior-sisters here know I have a few favorite quotes, and I use them ad nauseum! So, here it is for you, from the movie The Great Debaters.... "We do what we have to do, so we can do what we want to do."

    Try and think of how fortunate we are to live in a time/place where tests and treatment options are available to us. And even better than that~ the test you are about to pass with flying colors will show you that you will NOT need treatment!!!! Why? You are an in remission, dancing with NED, Survivor!!!!!!

    Take a deep breath; and get back to us with your good news!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • Whoknowz
    Whoknowz Member Posts: 82
    #9
    Thanks for sharing your fear
    Just putting our dreads out in the open often helps,and I hope this did. On another post you told us a bit about your year, and you've had a tough time but look at you now! I've already learned that when the courage flags, this is a great place to get a booster shot. This is the next milestone -- your first "routine" check up!

    everything else has already been said. We do what we gotta do because we are strong and have a heck of a support group cheering us on, comforting us, informing us, and I suspect willing to kick butt if necessary to help us.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #10
    My first piece of normal was a colonoscopy...lol!
    For my 50th birthday!!!!

    I comfort myself with thinking that I would rather know everything, that way I can truly plan my life/or attack/ or whatever...

    You will do fine!!!!!!!!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #11
    Food for thought...
    I actually made my appointment before I left my surgeons office to force myself to have one. We made it too soon (Rad Onc said "no") and it is rescheduled for Feb. Then I realized how dissapointed I was that I have to wait longer. You see, I want the test as soon as possible, because if it doesn't come out clean, I can get in there and start battling ASAP. Get back to the fight, so to speak, so that I can be a winner eventually! It's already been dragging out for me and I want to be done and get on with life. Right now I feel as if I am trapped between the living and the dead. So I say "bring it on" and lets get down to it!! Besides.....this has been such a crappy year that I am anxious to have such good news come Feb, that I can go crazy celebrating! Who could blame me, huh? Now go make that call! Hugs and smiles....♥Pammy
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #12
    Akiss4me said:

    Food for thought...
    I actually made my appointment before I left my surgeons office to force myself to have one. We made it too soon (Rad Onc said "no") and it is rescheduled for Feb. Then I realized how dissapointed I was that I have to wait longer. You see, I want the test as soon as possible, because if it doesn't come out clean, I can get in there and start battling ASAP. Get back to the fight, so to speak, so that I can be a winner eventually! It's already been dragging out for me and I want to be done and get on with life. Right now I feel as if I am trapped between the living and the dead. So I say "bring it on" and lets get down to it!! Besides.....this has been such a crappy year that I am anxious to have such good news come Feb, that I can go crazy celebrating! Who could blame me, huh? Now go make that call! Hugs and smiles....♥Pammy

    Just do it!
    Don't dread it. Get it done and over with and then you can get on with your life and not worry about it. MRI's aren't that bad, or, the ones I have had haven't been. And, I feel better knowing I have them as part of my treatment with my mammo and ultrasound. So, if there is something there, we can catch it early, treat it and move on. Just do it, you will feel so much better once it is done and you are dancing with NED!

    ♠♣ Susie ♠♣
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    #13
    chenheart said:

    Your fears are absolutely
    Your fears are absolutely normal; after doing battle with the beast we can have a tendency to think that a hangnail is a precursor to BC!

    My warrior-sisters here know I have a few favorite quotes, and I use them ad nauseum! So, here it is for you, from the movie The Great Debaters.... "We do what we have to do, so we can do what we want to do."

    Try and think of how fortunate we are to live in a time/place where tests and treatment options are available to us. And even better than that~ the test you are about to pass with flying colors will show you that you will NOT need treatment!!!! Why? You are an in remission, dancing with NED, Survivor!!!!!!

    Take a deep breath; and get back to us with your good news!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    normal
    Of course your fears are perfectly normal. I'm sure we all feel anxious when we have to go in for any kind of test. But ... my feeling is ... it's always better to know the truth than to let your imagination go wild. I know in the beginning when they were doing the biopsies etc. my imagination just went crazy. The waiting was awful and the longer I had to wait the crazier my imagination got. It was soooo much easier when I knew the facts ... because then I knew what I was up against. It makes it much easier to fight when the enemy can be identified.

    hugs.
    teena
  • elizarose
    elizarose Member Posts: 124
    #14
    susie09 said:

    Just do it!
    Don't dread it. Get it done and over with and then you can get on with your life and not worry about it. MRI's aren't that bad, or, the ones I have had haven't been. And, I feel better knowing I have them as part of my treatment with my mammo and ultrasound. So, if there is something there, we can catch it early, treat it and move on. Just do it, you will feel so much better once it is done and you are dancing with NED!

    ♠♣ Susie ♠♣

    So I called to make the
    So I called to make the appointment and I'm not having it done till December...I am however having a bone density scan next week (I'm a little irritated that I had to tell them I needed that) and I am not supposed to take the arimidex until i get the results.
  • always
    always Member Posts: 256
    #15
    elizarose said:

    So I called to make the
    So I called to make the appointment and I'm not having it done till December...I am however having a bone density scan next week (I'm a little irritated that I had to tell them I needed that) and I am not supposed to take the arimidex until i get the results.

    congrats on calling
    Good job getting the call over with. You have come a long way. You will get the news you need and Hopefully will be dancing before the New Year!

    becky

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