Ready to go

mrsgeb
mrsgeb Member Posts: 32
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Last night my husband told me he was "ready to go". He has been fighting since December 2008 and can no longer even go to the bathroom on his own, he can't walk, can barely eat or drink and is confused and forgets things a lot of the time. Yesterday he was prescribed Haldol and Valium to calm him down...he gets very agitated and anxious, especially when it is dark...he is also on a PCA pump that gives him 150 mls of morphine continously through a PICC line. I don't know how to feel! We both know that he is going to a better place where he won't be in pain and will be the vibrant man he once was and I don't want him to suffer anymore, physically or emotionally.

He spent the last few days saying goodbye to people (I didn't know he was doing this! He asked to speak with people privately and of course I respected his wish) and basically said goodbye to me last night by telling me that I will be okay and that he will always love me and will be waiting for me. I have tried to be strong and realistic through all of this, but I can barely even type this because I keep welling up. I am supposed to be working from home, but I just don't care about it.

I hope that I can be as strong and unselfish as so many of you are!

Sherry

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    Prayers and Hugs
    My heart goes out to you. This is a very hard time. I know you are already being strong. You have been with your husband through this fight. Just tell him you love him. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Fay
  • MichelleP
    MichelleP Member Posts: 254
    #3
    grandmafay said:

    Prayers and Hugs
    My heart goes out to you. This is a very hard time. I know you are already being strong. You have been with your husband through this fight. Just tell him you love him. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Fay

    Sherry
    I know exactly what you're feeling dear. I just lost the love of my life 20 days ago and reading your story sounds like I wrote it myself. I did the same thing in telling myself that he'll be in a better place until I can join him, but it doesn't lessen the pain you're feeling. It's the hardest thing we've ever done in our lives....watching someone we love so dearly just slip away. My heart goes out to you....I wish I could just hug you...I wish we could just hug each other.

    (((prayers)))
  • mrsgeb
    mrsgeb Member Posts: 32
    #4
    MichelleP said:

    Sherry
    I know exactly what you're feeling dear. I just lost the love of my life 20 days ago and reading your story sounds like I wrote it myself. I did the same thing in telling myself that he'll be in a better place until I can join him, but it doesn't lessen the pain you're feeling. It's the hardest thing we've ever done in our lives....watching someone we love so dearly just slip away. My heart goes out to you....I wish I could just hug you...I wish we could just hug each other.

    (((prayers)))

    Michelle,
    I too wish we
    Michelle,

    I too wish we could hug each other! We do have many paralells in our lives. I am so sorry for your loss and I can only hope to be as supportive of others as you are when the love of my life goes home. No, the pain is no less knowing that he will be in a better place, but he trusts me to keep on with my life and live.

    I am taking comfort in the fact that when he was awake today he was so serene, none of the anxiety or agitation, it may be the new medications or that he is at peace. He did ask me for his favorite breakfast this morning, now don't laugh, a McDonalds Deluxe Breakfast meal. He is a construction superintendent and started work very early so McDonalds was often his breakfast. This was the first meal he has asked for in more than a month, so you know I was at McDonalds before he could even finish asking! He actually ate some of it too! I was so happy that I was able to do that for him.

    I am holding your hugs and prayers close as I hope you will mine for you.

    Sherry
  • mrsgeb
    mrsgeb Member Posts: 32
    #5
    grandmafay said:

    Prayers and Hugs
    My heart goes out to you. This is a very hard time. I know you are already being strong. You have been with your husband through this fight. Just tell him you love him. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Fay

    Fay,
    I have been following
    Fay,

    I have been following your posts for a few weeks now and I am in awe of the depth of your compassion for others during this time. You always know the right thing to say no matter what the situation is. Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us. God Bless You!

    Sherry

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