Husbands 1st Radiation Treatment

Christl
Christl Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Emotional Support #1
My husband went to his first radiation treatment for prostate cancer (he is only 44 yrs old).
He was diagnosed in Nov 2007, had his prostate removed on Feb 13th 2008 and now his PSA lvl moved back up to where he has to do radiation for the next 7 weeks.
I was so hopefull and strong when he was first diagnosed, but it seems that I'm loosing my faith/hope.
He doesn't really want to talk about his cancer - he has always been very untouchable when it comes to personal issues - getting info out of him has always been like pulling teeth.
I'm on the other hand, like to talk about what goes on in my head and heart. Where will I find the strenght to support him? He has not even told his kids that he has to go for treatment - they did know that he had cancer, but they believe he is all better now. Besides me, his one sister, she lives in another state, knows that he is going for treatment. His other siblings have not been told yet. I know I'm not going to say anything to his familie, but i did tell my Dad (he was just diagnosed with the same cancer in May this year and had his surgery in Aug) and I also talked to my girlfriends.
I'm not even sure, if and what kind of help I will need. But just typing this, makes me wanna cry.
How are other wife's dealing with this? What can I do, to make him open up more and help him thru this difficult time that we have coming up?

Comments

  • sue Siwek
    sue Siwek Member Posts: 279
    #2
    i have been dealing with a
    i have been dealing with a man much like yours for 10 yrs now(brain cancer & parkinson's). been married to him for 42 yrs. i have learned the old saying "you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink". be available if he wishes to talk. in the mean time take comfort in family and friends. let him know that you are not going anywhere and will be there for him. i am concerned that your children are not aware of what is happening. at a certain point they should know so that they can support you and their father. it is important for them, i am assuming they are adults, so they can participate in this life altering situation that will be affecting them.
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #3
    sue Siwek said:

    i have been dealing with a
    i have been dealing with a man much like yours for 10 yrs now(brain cancer & parkinson's). been married to him for 42 yrs. i have learned the old saying "you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink". be available if he wishes to talk. in the mean time take comfort in family and friends. let him know that you are not going anywhere and will be there for him. i am concerned that your children are not aware of what is happening. at a certain point they should know so that they can support you and their father. it is important for them, i am assuming they are adults, so they can participate in this life altering situation that will be affecting them.

    Children and cancer.....
    I found that by being open from the start with my kids they are very resilient about wanting to know without seeming afraid. Kids are very curious as to why, what, when, and such. They know I had cancer, they know that I poop from another place on my body now. They watch me as I put my prosthesis on. BUT, I only tell them what I think they can digest and only in basics what they ask of me. That way if something ever does re arise then at least they are aware of what is kind of going on. They are 5-7-15 and 24 years of age and they for the most part know just about everything to do with my cancer as it was.

    As for your husband, I was the same. Give him time to figure out in his own mind what he needs to do. In time he will know, just simply be there for him but make sure that you take care of yourself also in the process. I tend to keep a lot of what bothers me pent up until the day to let it all go gets here, then its out and I start dealing with it then. Wait for that time and just let him know that you will be there if only to listen whenever he gets ready to talk about it, then leave it be. Sorry, but he will come around in his own time, he simply (as unfair as it seems) needs time to think things out and get his head straight. Only then will he be ok. Good Luck to you both, Clift
  • Christl
    Christl Member Posts: 3
    #4
    sue Siwek said:

    i have been dealing with a
    i have been dealing with a man much like yours for 10 yrs now(brain cancer & parkinson's). been married to him for 42 yrs. i have learned the old saying "you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink". be available if he wishes to talk. in the mean time take comfort in family and friends. let him know that you are not going anywhere and will be there for him. i am concerned that your children are not aware of what is happening. at a certain point they should know so that they can support you and their father. it is important for them, i am assuming they are adults, so they can participate in this life altering situation that will be affecting them.

    update
    My husbands kids are 16, 17 and 22 - they are with their mother who we don't have a good relationship with (the mother that is).
    My husbands doctor has signed him up with the American Cancer Society. I'm hoping that he will take all the help they can offer. I heard good things with the ACS. A friend at work had breast cancer and used their help. She has nothing but good things to say.
    As my Dad said to me " take it one day at a time" - good advice, harder to follow, but we will get thru this!!!
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #5
    Christl said:

    update
    My husbands kids are 16, 17 and 22 - they are with their mother who we don't have a good relationship with (the mother that is).
    My husbands doctor has signed him up with the American Cancer Society. I'm hoping that he will take all the help they can offer. I heard good things with the ACS. A friend at work had breast cancer and used their help. She has nothing but good things to say.
    As my Dad said to me " take it one day at a time" - good advice, harder to follow, but we will get thru this!!!

    Your Dad is a very smart man..........
    You will get through this......{{{hugs}}}}..........Clift

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