Tired

sassy1
sassy1 Member Posts: 54
edited March 2014 in Emotional Support #1
My husband sleeps a lot now and this afternoon when I woke him for dinner, which I try to get him to eat something, he sat on the bed and came out and told me he is going to die. He told me that every day he feels worse and he doesn't like how he feels. He doesn't understand why he sleeps so much. I don't know what to do. I just hold him and tell him that I am here for him. I just wish that there were something more that I could do other than just hold his hand. I guess I am just very tired right now because he does not sleep at night. He has now taken to sleep walking which he has never done before. Last night he fell and injured his arm. I somehow picked him up and got him back into bed and called hospice for help. They came and checked him out and took care of him. Now I sit by his bed at night to make sure he doesn't wander. I guess this means that the doctor is going to have to make more adjustments on his medications. I wish there was something more that I could do!!

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    I wish I had words of
    I wish I had words of wisdom that would make this time easier for you, but I don't. Yes, it sounds like they need to make some changes in the meds. I can understand the feeling of helplessness. My husband also fell in his final weeks. I couldn't get him up and had to call the fire department. I explained the situation and that I didn't need an ambulance or medical aid. They were very nice. My husband was a volunteer here at one time, and he actually enjoyed talking with the two young men who came. The fall really brought home to both of us how weak he was getting, though. He took that hard.
    Try to get some rest when you can. You might want to talk to Hospice about getting help for a few hours. I, too, worried about feeding my husband. He had very little appetite. He did like shakes made with Ensure. You can put different things in them, but he just wanted vanilla with vanilla ice cream.

    Prayers and long distance hugs, Fay
  • sassy1
    sassy1 Member Posts: 54
    #3
    grandmafay said:

    I wish I had words of
    I wish I had words of wisdom that would make this time easier for you, but I don't. Yes, it sounds like they need to make some changes in the meds. I can understand the feeling of helplessness. My husband also fell in his final weeks. I couldn't get him up and had to call the fire department. I explained the situation and that I didn't need an ambulance or medical aid. They were very nice. My husband was a volunteer here at one time, and he actually enjoyed talking with the two young men who came. The fall really brought home to both of us how weak he was getting, though. He took that hard.
    Try to get some rest when you can. You might want to talk to Hospice about getting help for a few hours. I, too, worried about feeding my husband. He had very little appetite. He did like shakes made with Ensure. You can put different things in them, but he just wanted vanilla with vanilla ice cream.

    Prayers and long distance hugs, Fay

    Thank you
    Fay,
    Thank you for the words of encouragement. The nurse from hospice was here yesterday and checked my husband out. Unfortunately, he injured his arm when he fell and scraped the skin off from the wrist to the elbow. She cleaned and bandaged it but that's about all they can do. He is back to himself today. He isn't eating much but I'll feed him whatever I can get him to eat. Today, so far, it's only been chocolate chip cookies and apple sauce. He is sitting in his room reading the newspaper and watching his westerns. He loves to watch the old Gunsmoke programs. We sit and talk and he will remember things that happened way back before we were married. I will just sit there and agree with him because I don't want him to know that I don't understand what he is talking about. He seems happy. I bought a baby monitor for his room yesterday and used it last night for the first time. It is a Godsend. I can now sleep in my bed and know that I can hear him sleeping and snoring and know that all is well. If the snoring stops, I automatically wake up and check on him. I am so used to hearing it that I can't sleep too well without the snoring. As far as the medication, I explained to the nurse that I did not want to use the morphine for him because of what the side affects were. She agreed that the pain is not that bad yet and that they would try something else. I guess I'm being overly cautious with him because I don't want to lose him any sooner than I have to. Although I am being realistic about the situation because I did purchase a black pant suit on line today.

    I am sorry to hear that you lost your husband so quickly after being diagnosed. I know that that must have been extremely hard. Unfortunately, in my situation, it seems that family and friends have distanced themselves because they are unable to handle the situation with my husband. They evidently don't feel that he made the right decision for himself to go for quality rather than quantity. He felt that if he was going to be so sick all the time and in the hospital or rehab and the treatment was for naught, then why go through it. I told him it was completely his decision. I can only be here to support him in any way that I can.

    Again, thank you for being there and for the kind words. It is nice to have someone to speak to that has gone through the same experience.

    (((HUGS)))
    Shirley
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #4
    sassy1 said:

    Thank you
    Fay,
    Thank you for the words of encouragement. The nurse from hospice was here yesterday and checked my husband out. Unfortunately, he injured his arm when he fell and scraped the skin off from the wrist to the elbow. She cleaned and bandaged it but that's about all they can do. He is back to himself today. He isn't eating much but I'll feed him whatever I can get him to eat. Today, so far, it's only been chocolate chip cookies and apple sauce. He is sitting in his room reading the newspaper and watching his westerns. He loves to watch the old Gunsmoke programs. We sit and talk and he will remember things that happened way back before we were married. I will just sit there and agree with him because I don't want him to know that I don't understand what he is talking about. He seems happy. I bought a baby monitor for his room yesterday and used it last night for the first time. It is a Godsend. I can now sleep in my bed and know that I can hear him sleeping and snoring and know that all is well. If the snoring stops, I automatically wake up and check on him. I am so used to hearing it that I can't sleep too well without the snoring. As far as the medication, I explained to the nurse that I did not want to use the morphine for him because of what the side affects were. She agreed that the pain is not that bad yet and that they would try something else. I guess I'm being overly cautious with him because I don't want to lose him any sooner than I have to. Although I am being realistic about the situation because I did purchase a black pant suit on line today.

    I am sorry to hear that you lost your husband so quickly after being diagnosed. I know that that must have been extremely hard. Unfortunately, in my situation, it seems that family and friends have distanced themselves because they are unable to handle the situation with my husband. They evidently don't feel that he made the right decision for himself to go for quality rather than quantity. He felt that if he was going to be so sick all the time and in the hospital or rehab and the treatment was for naught, then why go through it. I told him it was completely his decision. I can only be here to support him in any way that I can.

    Again, thank you for being there and for the kind words. It is nice to have someone to speak to that has gone through the same experience.

    (((HUGS)))
    Shirley

    Hi Again
    Shirley,
    My husband actually made it for 6 years after his diagnosis. We were really gifted with the time and made a lot of memories. Once he went on Hospice, though, it was about a month. That, too, was a blessing because he was only totally down for a couple of days. I was also blessed with a wonderful family and church family. Thank goodness our family hung in there with us. I think it's a good sign that your husband is reading the paper. Mine was an avid newspaper reader. Most days he read at least two papers. About a week before he died, he stopped reading them. I got the impression that he no longer cared about the news. It was a sign to me that he was beginning to check out. I may be wrong but that's how it felt.
    It sounds like you are getting some help from Hospice. We also got a baby monitor but didn't use it because he went so fast in the end. I understand about the snoring. Sometimes it's a welcome sound. Hey, chocolate chip cookies and applesauce sound good to me. I hope you are eating. It's sometimes hard to eat alone. I made a promise to myself, which I have continued to honor, to eat at least one good meal a day. Take care, Fay
  • sassy1
    sassy1 Member Posts: 54
    #5
    grandmafay said:

    Hi Again
    Shirley,
    My husband actually made it for 6 years after his diagnosis. We were really gifted with the time and made a lot of memories. Once he went on Hospice, though, it was about a month. That, too, was a blessing because he was only totally down for a couple of days. I was also blessed with a wonderful family and church family. Thank goodness our family hung in there with us. I think it's a good sign that your husband is reading the paper. Mine was an avid newspaper reader. Most days he read at least two papers. About a week before he died, he stopped reading them. I got the impression that he no longer cared about the news. It was a sign to me that he was beginning to check out. I may be wrong but that's how it felt.
    It sounds like you are getting some help from Hospice. We also got a baby monitor but didn't use it because he went so fast in the end. I understand about the snoring. Sometimes it's a welcome sound. Hey, chocolate chip cookies and applesauce sound good to me. I hope you are eating. It's sometimes hard to eat alone. I made a promise to myself, which I have continued to honor, to eat at least one good meal a day. Take care, Fay

    Long night
    The days and nights are running into each other now. My husband has changed quite a bit in the last few days. He is eating very little and he is hallucinating. He talks a lot about things from when he was very young. At least he knows who I am though. He is up most of the night now and I don't want to sleep because I'm afraid he will fall. When he sleeps during the day, I try to nap but it's hard. I don't want it to sound like I'm complaining because I'm really not. I lay with him tonight so that he would go to sleep but as soon as I got up, he woke up. I stood there with him until he fell back to sleep. I'm listening to him on the monitor now so I know that he is sleeping because of the breathing sounds. I guess maybe I'm anxious, too, because his niece is coming today and she hasn't seen him since August. She is in for quite a shock. I don't know how she is going to handle it.

    It got quite cool here last night so I turned my heat on this morning. Low and behold, it didn't work. I had to have my heater repaired. It just seems that there is always something that is going wrong. I just wonder how much a person is supposed to be able to handle. Right now I'm feeling very alone.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #6
    sassy1 said:

    Long night
    The days and nights are running into each other now. My husband has changed quite a bit in the last few days. He is eating very little and he is hallucinating. He talks a lot about things from when he was very young. At least he knows who I am though. He is up most of the night now and I don't want to sleep because I'm afraid he will fall. When he sleeps during the day, I try to nap but it's hard. I don't want it to sound like I'm complaining because I'm really not. I lay with him tonight so that he would go to sleep but as soon as I got up, he woke up. I stood there with him until he fell back to sleep. I'm listening to him on the monitor now so I know that he is sleeping because of the breathing sounds. I guess maybe I'm anxious, too, because his niece is coming today and she hasn't seen him since August. She is in for quite a shock. I don't know how she is going to handle it.

    It got quite cool here last night so I turned my heat on this morning. Low and behold, it didn't work. I had to have my heater repaired. It just seems that there is always something that is going wrong. I just wonder how much a person is supposed to be able to handle. Right now I'm feeling very alone.

    Coping
    It sounds like you are coping fairly well with your upside down world. Life does seem to go on while we are dealing with death. Everyday things like heaters need to be fixed or dealt with. I often worried about how people might react to my husband's deteriorating condition. We actually had one person tell him he was brave for going out. Most people handled it well, though. My husband always welcomed and enjoyed company. He liked to talk. I hope your husband's visit with his niece is a good one. Take care. Hugs and prayers, Fay
  • sassy1
    sassy1 Member Posts: 54
    #7
    grandmafay said:

    Coping
    It sounds like you are coping fairly well with your upside down world. Life does seem to go on while we are dealing with death. Everyday things like heaters need to be fixed or dealt with. I often worried about how people might react to my husband's deteriorating condition. We actually had one person tell him he was brave for going out. Most people handled it well, though. My husband always welcomed and enjoyed company. He liked to talk. I hope your husband's visit with his niece is a good one. Take care. Hugs and prayers, Fay

    Trying to Cope
    Fay,
    I am definitely trying to deal with things as they come up. As you know, you have to take care of whatever may come your way.

    My husband had a nice visit with his niece today and he tried to explain to her the decision he made. She understood and handled the situation very well. She talked with my husband for a while until he said that he had to take a nap. She and I sat and discussed everything and she was very supportive. She did tell me that if we need anything to please let her know. She said she would do anything she can to help us and I believe that she would. Her husband will be in New York tomorrow morning and it's about a 45 minute drive from here in New Jersey, so she told us that he will be coming here for a visit afterward. I told her that would be fantastic because then I can go to the store to pick up some groceries.

    Thank you for being there. It really helps, as you know, to have someone in the same situation to talk to.

    ((Hugs))
    Shirley
  • sassy1
    sassy1 Member Posts: 54
    #8
    sassy1 said:

    Trying to Cope
    Fay,
    I am definitely trying to deal with things as they come up. As you know, you have to take care of whatever may come your way.

    My husband had a nice visit with his niece today and he tried to explain to her the decision he made. She understood and handled the situation very well. She talked with my husband for a while until he said that he had to take a nap. She and I sat and discussed everything and she was very supportive. She did tell me that if we need anything to please let her know. She said she would do anything she can to help us and I believe that she would. Her husband will be in New York tomorrow morning and it's about a 45 minute drive from here in New Jersey, so she told us that he will be coming here for a visit afterward. I told her that would be fantastic because then I can go to the store to pick up some groceries.

    Thank you for being there. It really helps, as you know, to have someone in the same situation to talk to.

    ((Hugs))
    Shirley

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