transition phase

grandmafay
grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
I THOUGHT I HAD POSTED SOME OF THIS YESTERDAY, BUT CAN'T FIND IT. SORRY IF IT'S A REPEAT. I AM TYPING THIS WITH ONE HAND BECAUSE I'M HOLDING MY HUSBAND'S HAND WITH THE OTHER. MY HUSBAND ENTERED WHAT THE ON-CALL HOSPICE NURSE CALLED THE TRANSITION PHASE. HE SLEEPS MOST OF THE TIME, CAN NO LONGER GET OUT OF BED, AND CAN ONLY SPEAK A WORD OR TWO AT A TIME. THIS CAMe ON FAIRLY FAST. OUR SONS, WIVES, AND GRANDCHILDREN ALL CAME YESTERDAY, AND THE SONS HAVE WORKED OUT A SCHEDULE TO TAKE TURNS STAYING WITH US. THE HOSPICE NURSE IS COMING TODAY. WE ARE ALSO GOING TO GET SOMEONE TO HELP BATHE HIM. EVEN THOUGH i KNEW THIS WAS COMING, IT'S REALLY HARD. WE HAVE KNOWN EACH FOR 45 YEARS AND BEEN MARRIED FOR 42. I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT HIM. I KNOW I WILL BE OK BECAUSE WE HAVE AN AMAZING FAMILY AND FRIENDS. THREE MEMBERS OF OUR CHURCH YOUTH GROUP CAME YESTERDAY WITH A LEADER AND BROUGHT OUR SON AND ME DINNER. MY HUSBAND IS NOT EATING, AND I'M NOT ABLE TO EAT MUCH. SINCE I'VE GAINED WEIGHT STRESS EATING OVER THE LAST 6 YEARS. IT'S OK IF I LOSE A LITTLE WEIGHT. PEACE AND HUGS TO ALL OF YOU. MY HUSBAND DOES SEEM AT PEACE. HE KNOWS THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE TO FIGHT ANY MORE. FAY

Comments

  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #2
    Fay
    I am truely sorry Thats good that he seems in peace. All i know is that my husband has been gone 6 months and it seems like yesterday.My husband died suffering and no one should have to go threw that and die too. My prayers go out to you and your husband and family.I won't fib it is going to be hard to be with out our husbands .

    michelle
  • mr steve
    mr steve Member Posts: 285
    #3
    Fay
    Hugs and prayers!

    Steve
  • onlyhuman
    onlyhuman Member Posts: 99
    #4
    Fay
    I am so sorry this has happened so fast. I know from previous posts however that you are a strong, positive person. But we all need a hug sometime so I am sending you hugs and hoping its a peaceful transition. Its wonderful that you have such a strong support network. You and your family are in our thoughts.

    Regards
    Sangeeta
  • pattynonews
    pattynonews Member Posts: 176
    #5
    hospice stages
    My prayers are with you, I dont understand all these hospice stages, Jack went on hospice last week, Can you tell me what the transition stage is, his nurse comes out twice a week, I guess we are what we call the beginning hospice stage, she is the type of nurse who is pretty honest with us, and I flat out asked her how Jack was doing, my understanding is these nurse can pin point the time pretty good, She said he is doing good considering his condition,his vital are good his lungs are clear, SHe adviced us to let him tell us when he is hungry, ( he is tube feed and we were feeding him alot hs would keep his weigh stable, but she explain to me that now, he has to be in control, because the cancer will just absorb all the extra food, I know it is hard, to have to start bathing him, I bathe Jack, myself and do all of his care myself, since we are not legal married they allow me to be his caretaker and actually they increase my hours to 40 hours a week which will help out alot, THey are coming our tomorrow to swap out all of his equipment, my understand is you have to use all hospice equipement so this should be interesting,
  • MichelleP
    MichelleP Member Posts: 254
    #6
    pattynonews said:

    hospice stages
    My prayers are with you, I dont understand all these hospice stages, Jack went on hospice last week, Can you tell me what the transition stage is, his nurse comes out twice a week, I guess we are what we call the beginning hospice stage, she is the type of nurse who is pretty honest with us, and I flat out asked her how Jack was doing, my understanding is these nurse can pin point the time pretty good, She said he is doing good considering his condition,his vital are good his lungs are clear, SHe adviced us to let him tell us when he is hungry, ( he is tube feed and we were feeding him alot hs would keep his weigh stable, but she explain to me that now, he has to be in control, because the cancer will just absorb all the extra food, I know it is hard, to have to start bathing him, I bathe Jack, myself and do all of his care myself, since we are not legal married they allow me to be his caretaker and actually they increase my hours to 40 hours a week which will help out alot, THey are coming our tomorrow to swap out all of his equipment, my understand is you have to use all hospice equipement so this should be interesting,

    Hard to say this about transition stage...sorry
    My husband was on hospice for 10 days. When they told me he was in the beginning of the transition stage that means their body is beginning to shut down. Within days he will no longer want food or water and his vitals will slowly drop.

    The one thing I can't stress enough is that when this stage comes, it will likely be your last time to say all the things you need to say to him. Even though they will go into what they call a semi-comatose stage, they can still hear you. Maybe not respond in words, but with eye movement and the slight squeeze of a hand. If this is truly the transition stage, then please say what you need to now.

    It's only been 6 days since my husband passed and I'm so lost with myself. I've been a full time caretaker to him for about 9 months and I just don't know what to do with myself. I can only suggest returning here often and getting it out...holding it inside such as I have done for so many months is not good.

    ((((HUGS)))))
  • pattynonews
    pattynonews Member Posts: 176
    #7
    MichelleP said:

    Hard to say this about transition stage...sorry
    My husband was on hospice for 10 days. When they told me he was in the beginning of the transition stage that means their body is beginning to shut down. Within days he will no longer want food or water and his vitals will slowly drop.

    The one thing I can't stress enough is that when this stage comes, it will likely be your last time to say all the things you need to say to him. Even though they will go into what they call a semi-comatose stage, they can still hear you. Maybe not respond in words, but with eye movement and the slight squeeze of a hand. If this is truly the transition stage, then please say what you need to now.

    It's only been 6 days since my husband passed and I'm so lost with myself. I've been a full time caretaker to him for about 9 months and I just don't know what to do with myself. I can only suggest returning here often and getting it out...holding it inside such as I have done for so many months is not good.

    ((((HUGS)))))

    I need some guidance
    Wow Michelle my heart goes out to you, I am always Jack ful time care taker, I dont leave his side only to straighten the house or to cook his dad's meals, I sit in the bed right next to him, I have not left his side for about a month now, I live in our room, I use to go out and sit on the porch and feeding the birds, now I dont even to that, I dont take care of the plants, Jack coughs up blood from his trachea, and his nose is constantly draining, so I sit right by him to change his nose plugs when they get to wet, and clean the blood up as soon as it happens, He wakes up through the day, looks over ad tells me he loves me and thanks me, He will get up and walk around a little, he still like to go to the kitchen to eat when he feels up to and he will just hold me, I wish I could get up and get moviated, I just cant leave Jack side, and I have bough books to read, and I bought crafts to do im suppose to be working on Jacks quilt, but I just cant seem to doing anythng, and it does not help that I still have these shingles, He has a hosptal bed but he does not want to our leave our bed, I find myself putting my hand on his chest to make sure he is breathing and when I go to sleep I just hold his hand,I am aleady so screw up and depressed how will I deal when he is gone, and I feel like I have not had the chance to talk to Jack about the future all he knows I will continue to live with his dad and take care of him, I need some guidance
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #8
    MichelleP said:

    Hard to say this about transition stage...sorry
    My husband was on hospice for 10 days. When they told me he was in the beginning of the transition stage that means their body is beginning to shut down. Within days he will no longer want food or water and his vitals will slowly drop.

    The one thing I can't stress enough is that when this stage comes, it will likely be your last time to say all the things you need to say to him. Even though they will go into what they call a semi-comatose stage, they can still hear you. Maybe not respond in words, but with eye movement and the slight squeeze of a hand. If this is truly the transition stage, then please say what you need to now.

    It's only been 6 days since my husband passed and I'm so lost with myself. I've been a full time caretaker to him for about 9 months and I just don't know what to do with myself. I can only suggest returning here often and getting it out...holding it inside such as I have done for so many months is not good.

    ((((HUGS)))))

    Thanks
    I really appreciate hearing from all of you. Yes, Michelle, I agree with your understanding of the transition phase. The Hospice nurse told us today that it could be hours or days. She didn't think it would be hours because his vitals were good. We have talked a lot and I don't feel anything has been left unsaid. I just keep telling him I love him. We have had a lot of visitors today. I think for him that has been a good thing. He has always enjoyed visiting. He is out most of the time but responds to some things. Our pastor played his guitar and sang some of his favorite gospel songs. He didn't say anything, but his head moved with the music. I read some of his favorite Bible verses to him, too. We are getting some additional help today since our insurance has approved it. I don't know that we need it since both sons will be here, but I promised my husband that I would get it when the time came. I can only imagine how lonely I will be when he is gone. I really appreciate those of you who have been here giving me your support. Fay
  • SonSon
    SonSon Member Posts: 174
    #9
    stress eating...
    I lost weight since April when my mother-in-law came under our care. Now that she is gone I find myself eating a lot - when I am really not even hungry.
    I have to consciously tell myself that the food is no replacement for her or the joy she gave me.
    Fatima
  • MichelleP
    MichelleP Member Posts: 254
    #10
    SonSon said:

    stress eating...
    I lost weight since April when my mother-in-law came under our care. Now that she is gone I find myself eating a lot - when I am really not even hungry.
    I have to consciously tell myself that the food is no replacement for her or the joy she gave me.
    Fatima

    Fay
    I'm thinking of you dear one....please let us how how you're doing. Ohhhhhhhhhh I wish we could find a cure for this monster disease!
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #11
    MichelleP said:

    Fay
    I'm thinking of you dear one....please let us how how you're doing. Ohhhhhhhhhh I wish we could find a cure for this monster disease!

    Cancer sucks
    Cancer sucks and is just plain evil. I had already planned to help with our local Relay for Life. Let's work to find a cure. I have lost too many friends to this disease. I'm hanging in there. I still feel my husband's presence. The day before he died he apologized for putting me through this. I told him even if I knew how our 42 years together would end, I'd do it all over again. Besides, it has not ended. It has just moved on to another phase. He will always be in my heart. Fay
  • pattynonews
    pattynonews Member Posts: 176
    #12
    grandmafay said:

    Cancer sucks
    Cancer sucks and is just plain evil. I had already planned to help with our local Relay for Life. Let's work to find a cure. I have lost too many friends to this disease. I'm hanging in there. I still feel my husband's presence. The day before he died he apologized for putting me through this. I told him even if I knew how our 42 years together would end, I'd do it all over again. Besides, it has not ended. It has just moved on to another phase. He will always be in my heart. Fay

    Tells me he's sorry
    Jack is always writing on his board that he is sorry for putting me through this, and I tell him Im your Rock N Roll Angel and that is why I was brough in to your life, The only problem I am having is the smell of the tumor draining from his nose and mouth, I change his nose plugs ever half hour, but when I go to sleep it is a mess in the morning, and I cant seem to get the smell off of me, and it is through the house, It is so sad to see Jack like this, and then I had his ex wife email asking to say goodbye to Jack, now this lady has but me through hell over the year, but I know in my heart she should be able to , but I told her it was Jack decision, so I asked him today and he said under no circumstance does he want to see her, so I have to follow his wishes, So now Im going to have to deal with her harrassing me again, I just want peace and I hope she respects that, because it is so hard , All I keep hearing things are going to be getting worst, I keeping thinking this is a bad dream and I will wake up and Jack will be sitting at the drums playing, I sometimes get angry and ask why would God give me the most amazing man and then take him away from me, I go from being angry to crying that is why it is important to me to read all I can about heaven I want Jack to be at peace and be with his home and I want him to be waiting for me, I am just so scared, to live without Jack,
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #13
    pattynonews said:

    Tells me he's sorry
    Jack is always writing on his board that he is sorry for putting me through this, and I tell him Im your Rock N Roll Angel and that is why I was brough in to your life, The only problem I am having is the smell of the tumor draining from his nose and mouth, I change his nose plugs ever half hour, but when I go to sleep it is a mess in the morning, and I cant seem to get the smell off of me, and it is through the house, It is so sad to see Jack like this, and then I had his ex wife email asking to say goodbye to Jack, now this lady has but me through hell over the year, but I know in my heart she should be able to , but I told her it was Jack decision, so I asked him today and he said under no circumstance does he want to see her, so I have to follow his wishes, So now Im going to have to deal with her harrassing me again, I just want peace and I hope she respects that, because it is so hard , All I keep hearing things are going to be getting worst, I keeping thinking this is a bad dream and I will wake up and Jack will be sitting at the drums playing, I sometimes get angry and ask why would God give me the most amazing man and then take him away from me, I go from being angry to crying that is why it is important to me to read all I can about heaven I want Jack to be at peace and be with his home and I want him to be waiting for me, I am just so scared, to live without Jack,

    Scary
    It is scary and you are having to deal with so much more than I am. I told a friend that lost a son to cancer and then have her husband die from a heart attack with out any warning, that I always taught my sons that life wasn't fair. But I think we always keep hoping that it will be. I do believe that we find eternal life through Christ. I don't believe that mine is the only right religion. Others also find their way to the light by other paths. Keep strong and hold on to your faith. Embrace the time you have and embrace Jack. Hugs and prayers, Fay
  • mr steve
    mr steve Member Posts: 285
    #14
    grandmafay said:

    Scary
    It is scary and you are having to deal with so much more than I am. I told a friend that lost a son to cancer and then have her husband die from a heart attack with out any warning, that I always taught my sons that life wasn't fair. But I think we always keep hoping that it will be. I do believe that we find eternal life through Christ. I don't believe that mine is the only right religion. Others also find their way to the light by other paths. Keep strong and hold on to your faith. Embrace the time you have and embrace Jack. Hugs and prayers, Fay

    Patty and Fay
    Thank you for being here. I'm just starting on this journey and it is nice to know that some of the feelings that I have are natural.

    Steve
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #15
    pattynonews said:

    Tells me he's sorry
    Jack is always writing on his board that he is sorry for putting me through this, and I tell him Im your Rock N Roll Angel and that is why I was brough in to your life, The only problem I am having is the smell of the tumor draining from his nose and mouth, I change his nose plugs ever half hour, but when I go to sleep it is a mess in the morning, and I cant seem to get the smell off of me, and it is through the house, It is so sad to see Jack like this, and then I had his ex wife email asking to say goodbye to Jack, now this lady has but me through hell over the year, but I know in my heart she should be able to , but I told her it was Jack decision, so I asked him today and he said under no circumstance does he want to see her, so I have to follow his wishes, So now Im going to have to deal with her harrassing me again, I just want peace and I hope she respects that, because it is so hard , All I keep hearing things are going to be getting worst, I keeping thinking this is a bad dream and I will wake up and Jack will be sitting at the drums playing, I sometimes get angry and ask why would God give me the most amazing man and then take him away from me, I go from being angry to crying that is why it is important to me to read all I can about heaven I want Jack to be at peace and be with his home and I want him to be waiting for me, I am just so scared, to live without Jack,

    I'm so sorry for what you
    I'm so sorry for what you are ging through. How fortunate that Jack has someone who is there for him the way you are. Saw my counselor yesterday who asked me if I thought at all about what will happen when my husband is gone. It broke my heart because I know after 35 yrs. I will miss him everyday. But we will go on. What are our options? What would you want him to do if this was reversed? You are a strong woman. God bless.

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