66 yr old just found out and trying to make the best choice of treatments

gadan1 said:

Thanks for replying
Thanks guys. It means a lot to hear first hand accounts. I know each case is unique but some knowledge and experience is much better than none. I'm really OK with it for now, but I am so torn about my choices. I want it over with quickly, but then again, my Urologist kind of suggested the seeds. But the implants would be where he works so I am not totally sure he is not somewhat biased. Then again, he is the one that suggested I give it much thought before deciding. What i have learned is what was said about experience. That appears to be a constant theme. I guess my biggest fear is the in continence. I just wish there was a consensus about what procedure is most reliable. I find it hard to believe that there is not "preferred" procedure widely held by all. I'm not expecting unanimous agreement, but the idea that each specialist thinks his choice is superior is problematic to say the least. I live near a supposed highly respected seed implant center. Most people i understand must spend 6 weeks here in Atlanta living in a hotel/motel. It is only a 25 min drive for me each day if i go that route. Please feel free to offer any other thoughts. I truly am undecided and apprehensive.
Thanks again for any advice.

gadan1 said:

makes total senxe
Thaks Kent. What you said about posts on here. I do want to say that the first few minutes after finding this board and reading all of the recent comments, I felt ORDINARY. It really is sad that more guys do not share their experiences, but i guess it's natural.
My wife is so supportive and I love her more now than ever before, and i did not know that was possible. But, she cannot understand the many emotions I am experiencing. Who do I tell, who don't i tell. When do I tell our grown children. Do i share details and emotions, or just give them the basics. How do I keep from wondering if i will be dead in a few months or years. All of these thoughts seem to consume my thought processes this past week. It's not fear. It is not knowing what procedure to choose that drives me to wonder so much.
I haved rambled on and I am sorry. What I need now is to decide what type of treatment to have. Until that decision is made, I can't move ahead. Most people and sites say it is up to me. That I knew the minute my Urologist told me I have cancer.
I"m looking for individual opinions from guys that have been through this. You will not decide for me, but who better to ask than those who have gone down this path ahead of me.

WHW said:

Thought I Might Weigh in on The Discussion
Gadan,

I have been out of town for a couple of weeks and there was no net connection up in the TN hills that I could rely on.

I have just finished reading through the threads to your post and thought I would weigh in.

Some of the folks here have seen my posts in the past and know my story, but maybe you haven't.

I was 60 in June when I was diagnosed with PCa. My dr called me about 2 minutes after I had hung up from talking with my wife, who was in the hospital. She was running a 105 temperature and I was on my way to see her.

My wife was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma Cancer in November 2005. Her cancer is not curable. You do the things that are available and have success and you beat it down til it rears it's head and you start again. She has been through induction chemo-therapy (which led to a stroke after 7 days on the meds), an operation to clear the 90% blockage of her carotid artery caused by the blood clot from the drug. She has been through additional chemo, stem cell transplant (which weakened her immune system) and four hospitalizations with pneumonia in the last 4 years. The last bout put her into ARDS (respiratory distress) and a trip to the ICU on the ventilator which lasted 4 weeks with a stay in the hospital of 7 weeks.

It was at the beginning of this last hospitalization that my doc called to tell me I had PCa. I could not help but chuckle and laugh when he told me. It took him by surprise. I told him that he might as well be telling me he x-rayed my foot because I bumped it in the night and he was calling to tell me the bone was broke. I did not have time for cancer. I am my wife's caregiver and she needs my energy.

So while I was staying with her by day, I was doing my research by night. I've become quite adept at medical research because of my wife. That is when I came to find this site and one other that I frequented daily. I posed my questions, read the experiences, did further research and traveled my path.

Unlike my wife's cancer, mine had a fairly good chance of being cured. There are no guarantees with PCa and everyone reacts differently to the cancer and the treatments, including the side effects.

My goal was to get the cancer out. To minimize my down time and return to my wife.

I chose da Vinci surgery. It was the least downtime. It offered the immediacy of feedback on the cancer via the post surgery pathology. I would know to what degree the side effects would hit me and could have hope that they would improve over time.

I felt that getting the cancer out was the goal. My biggest concern was the incontinence side effect. I am a college baseball/softball sports official. And peeing my pants or changing my pads every 2 innings was not an option. Kinda would have put an end to my activity there.

Ed was another issue. Maybe in a way my wife's cancer was a blessing. It prepared me and us for that. The damage to her bones from the cancer and the effects from the drugs and transplant make it uncomfortable for her most of the time. So we have spent the last couple of years being more intimate than we had ever been in our 27 years of marriage. We learned new and exciting ways to please each other that did not involve intercourse. So when the topic of ED was talked about between us, it was almost a moot point. And by the way, just 4 weeks out from treatment and no erections yet, I can tell you that the "DRY" orgasms, without erection, following surgery are some of the most intense that I have ever experienced in my life. And since they are dry, multiple orgasm is now a part of my vocabulary as well.

For the incontinence, I have been dry since the day they took the catheter out.

I am blessed with really good health insurance so once I made the decision to have the surgery, I wanted the best I could find. I wanted the guy who cared as much about the side effects as he did about getting the cancer out.

Once I found the guy that was right for me, a serene sense of peace and calm came over me. I spent the next 4 weeks bringing my wife home from the hospital and seeing that she was improving to the point that I could leave to go have the surgery. I went alone and was gone 8 days from beginning to end.

I had no problem telling my kids and my family about the cancer. I just told them "it is what it is". There are no guarantees in life and "Every Day is A Bonus".

So take your time. Think about your family and your wife. Talk to your wife and include her in all of your thoughts and discussions about the journey you are on. There is not one of us that can make this trip alone. PCa not only effects us but our wives and loved ones almost to a greater extent. They can not make the trip for us as they might want. They can only offer support, love and comfort. They have to know that we are not fragile and they can talk to us about it and everything that comes along. We must be cognizant of the fact that they are with us and we can't shut them out.

In the long run the decision we make on the course of treatment is almost secondary. How we chose to live our lives is far more important. PCa is not an automatic death sentence. Yours has been detected early, you have time to wade through this decision jungle and prepare for the future.

None of us walk alone. Our loved ones, our fellow PCa brothers and God walk with us. While many may not have said it, they have all been saying prayers of blessing for you and your family from the day you first posted. Be at peace, slow down and it will become clear what is right for you.

The prayers of myself and my wife are with you and your family,

Sonny

gadan1 said:

Tears
Why do I keep tearing up when i read these messages? It is so not me. Please accept my most heartfelt appreciation for your words and guidance. I know now the power of the internet and words of others. I am amazed that total strangers are caring about other total strangers. I realize we all share(d) the same issue, but I am just not accustomed to this degree of openness about myself.
Every word I have read means something to me. I am truly undecided as to treatment.
If I may ask and if anyone knows. What are my odds of being cured. I believe I read it was about 87-90%, but I may have read what I wanted to into the stats, not the facts.
I check and read this board several times a day. It is invaluable as a resource because it is advice offered from men who forged the path I am following.