Caring for a parent with PC

teacher91
teacher91 Member Posts: 3
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hi. I'm new to this site but have been reading through many entries. I'm writing because I have been caring for my mother who has stage iv pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed in August after a summer of ER visits to find out the source of the pain and nausea that seemed to come on suddenly. Once we found out the diagnosis,I've been dividing my time between home with husband and my two children, 8 & 11 and being with my mother who lives alone. I also have been working when I can as to not use my FMLA time, although I don't know if it's better to take it all at once, or "save" it. At first time was spent at appointments, ER visits, and being at home trying to feel better. We now have hospice care. Nurses come twice a week or more if we call. My mom's pain and nausea have been getting increasingly worse so the medications have been increasing. She's starting to not be able to remember what she takes. My mom has been so independent for so long, so having to come to the point of her not being able to stay alone is very difficult. She's reluctant to have anyone but me stay with her, but I know this won't be possible 24/7. I was wondering about others' experience in dividing time between households or having a parent move in and how this went. Also, anyone's experience with PC. Thanks.

Comments

  • sue Siwek
    sue Siwek Member Posts: 279
    #2
    are you an only child? if
    are you an only child? if not then each family member could give their time. there are nursing services that my family used when my mother was ill and it worked very well for us. each day one of us brought dinner and spent time with her. if she is having trouble remembering her meds then someone has to see that she takes them on time. have you consider moving her to a facility that allows her to take her own furniture but provides meals and nursing care? some of them are very nice and would allow her inner action with others her age(i am assuming that she is a senior). i will tell you that this is what my children have promised me if and when my husband who has parkinson's and is a brain cancer survivor should need it. as long as i am able i will care for him of course. parents have their dignity and you should be mindful of this, hope that this gives you some ideas
  • SonSon
    SonSon Member Posts: 174
    #3
    Is it possible to move mom
    Is it possible to move mom in with you? Make your den her home away from home...
    Fatima
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #4
    Have you looked into....
    Elder Care under Medicaid? This is NOT hospice. It is an in-home care program that allows older people to continue to live at home when they can no longer manage their daily routines on their own, or even with the help of someone who lives with them. It can be tailored to fit almost anyone's circumstances who meet the criteria. I recently got this program for my dad and I live with him 24/7, but needed help with some of his daily care needs. Just contact your local Department of Human Services or Medicaid Office.
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #5
    PC can go fast
    My father went down VERY rapidly from PC several years ago. Ask the Hospice nurses what they think is happening in terms of time. The doctor had said 3-6 months, but Hospice said less than 6 weeks; Dad passed in only 3 from the time he started "losing it". Ask for all the Hospice services you can get, and keep your suitcase packed.

    Now I'm helping care for my mother, who has a much slower-moving cancer (ovarian), but I'm making the same guesses as you are in terms of "should she be left alone?" I have brothers, but as the only daughter I seem to be my mother's confidante. On bad days, I can hear her softening to the idea of accepting more care.

    You sound so together. I bet you're so used to coming through for your husband and kids that you find it difficult to let them come through for you. They can handle this, too. You'll see.
  • Pitapocket
    Pitapocket Member Posts: 16
    #6
    I'm so sorry you are going
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. My dad lived alone as well. It does get to a point where they cannot be left alone. It sounds like you are at that point. I was in your shoes. I ended up packing my bags and going to stay with him. He lived about an hour away. As much as I didn't want to do it, I HAD TO. There were no other options. And he only wanted me. I have 2 kids and a husband, and they had to keep the ball rolling at home while I was gone. They do step up to the plate when they need to. It also sounds like you may want to go ahead and start taking your FMLA. Maybe twice a week, a volunteer can come stay with her while you go spend time with your husband and kids. Don't be afraid to ask. The demands will continue to increase as her health decreases. So, stay strong. Talk with your husband about working out some kind of a plan for you to go stay with her, if it is at all possible. Good luck to you. You all will be in my thoughts, as this is a very difficult road.
  • teacher91
    teacher91 Member Posts: 3
    #7
    Thank you for your responses
    It's helpful to hear from people who have been through similar situations. I do have a brother who lives in another state, and I did ask him this week if he could come and help. I've been reading about PC and how quickly it can progress. My mom started new medications to alleviate some of the symptoms (nausea and pain) which are so severe. It's hard to tell now what is caused by the medications and what might be her body just slowing down. She's forgetful and weak from sleeping so much and eating/drinking so little. I sometimes think it could be close to the end, and then she seems to perk up. I know it's not a big improvement though, from the day before. I know someone posted about their father declining rapidly...was it more pain, nausea and sleeping or other symptoms, too? Hospice has been helpful. One of the nurses' mother had passed away from the same disease, so she's helped me see what might be ahead. My thoughts are with those of you out there caring for loved ones with pc and other cancers. I didn't realize what my mother had gone through caring for my grandmother and friends who died from cancer in the past. You can only take one day at a time, and be prepared for anything.

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