gone over the edge

Sonia32
Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
my dear semi colon family you are probably getting tired of the crazy chick from england csn should devote a board to mental health issues caused by cancer. need your prayers & good thoughts not doing so well today l basically flipped out this morning my husband not talking to me triggered it.l just started throwing things called my cpn crisis team & told theml wanted to kill myself l was like this for an hour or so lts like lam fighting with inner demons l have come so far & lam thinking as lam today its not on.a social worker came out to see me & wanted to hospitalize me but we came to the point that my anti .depressant drugs are not working plus l need regular counselling via the shrink also l was grieving as it would have been my mums 56th birthday today she passed away two years ago.my husband is scared for me as l am for myself as ln star wars the dark side of the force is winning today but lam trying to fight back l have come so far l was even actually hating god today thinking alsorts thinking what the heck kill yourself or the cancer eventually will thats how bad its been so l know you are going through so much and you have never once said the above or if you have you have been strong and kept it to yourself.so lm posting to regain strength from my online semi colon family and to possibly be told buck up cancer and depression those of who have it & keep fighting you and everyone on this board are my heroes so will pay 50cent for prayers or good thoughts hugs to you all and thank you for putting up with me sonia

Comments

  • AceSFO
    AceSFO Member Posts: 229
    #2
    Keep going Sonia!
    We all know you can beat this thing and all the demons as well! It's great that you had the presence of mind to call for help and that they were able to come and be with you. You're way too full of love and light and compassion to let the dark side even creep up on you. So many people are praying for you on this board, and I will be too, or as Quakers like to say, "holding you in the light."
    Hang in there kid! We all know you can do it and are here to help you through the dark parts.

    Adrian
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    #3
    Sonia
    Dear Sonia, you are not alone, we are here for you. I wish I could be there to just give you a big hug. I too have struggled with thoughts of killing myself, thinking it would be so much easier then having to go through all the crap we have to go through with this horrible beast in us. I think of two things that keep me from it, 1 being my family and how horrible they would feel if I were to do something like that, 2 I want to go to heaven and I believe God does not look favorable on those that kill themselves (just my opinion) SO I try to find ways to not think like that. Its not easy, especially when you feel so hopeless. I think of little children that are going through what I am or worse, and they keep on. How strong they are and that I need to be strong too. I guess what I am trying to say, not that it will help, but that there is always someone that has it worse then I do.

    I pray that they can get you on a better anti depressent soon and hope that it will work for you. Please know that you are NEVER a bother here, and that you can always come here and tell us everything and anything, we are here for you. You are not alone, I am sure there are lots of us that have had your thoughts as well. By you being open and honest in your post you are probably helping others that have had these thoughts and no one to share them with.

    I was once told by a great friend that killing yourself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I believe that we can get through just about anything with some support and time. Again probably not what you want to hear but I believe its true.

    This beast is beatable and I know you can beat it. Try to take some time and find just one little thing that makes you smile, then think of another and another until you find yourself smiling and having better thoughts. There are so many people on this board that would be greatly sadden if we knew anything had happen to you. I know it sounds a bit crazy because we have never met you but here we truly are like family, we support, we give advise, and most importantly we CARE about each other. We all have a connection through this beast and I have to say I am a better person today for having met so many wonderful people on this board.

    Please take care of yourself and always feel free to come here with what ever is bothering you, we will be here for you.

    God Bless you Sonia
    Beth
  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020 Member
    #4
    Hang in there
    You are not crazy,at least not any crazier then normal people.You need to get some medication that will work.I went thru that also ,and I suspect others have.Don't give up,and don't let the cancer win.She was right,killing your self is not the answer.Just don't quit,and if you need support we are here.I will pray for you,and send lots of good vibes.
  • shrevebud
    shrevebud Member Posts: 105
    #5
    Hi Sonia:

    Awhile back someone gave me a special "prayer for healing" card and I take it out and say it for those down days that I get. Tonight I will take the card and say the prayer for you. Blessings. Roy
  • snommintj
    snommintj Member Posts: 601
    #6
    shrevebud said:

    Hi Sonia:

    Awhile back someone gave me a special "prayer for healing" card and I take it out and say it for those down days that I get. Tonight I will take the card and say the prayer for you. Blessings. Roy

    Sonia
    Everyone deals with this differently, add depression to the mix and you've got a powder keg of emotions. All I can say is try to be mindful of others. I'm sure the people close to you have your best interest in mind. Try not to make it hard on them. Other than that, if you need to scream, shout, break something, lay in bed crying, or run through the park naked; I say go for it.
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #7
    snommintj said:

    Sonia
    Everyone deals with this differently, add depression to the mix and you've got a powder keg of emotions. All I can say is try to be mindful of others. I'm sure the people close to you have your best interest in mind. Try not to make it hard on them. Other than that, if you need to scream, shout, break something, lay in bed crying, or run through the park naked; I say go for it.

    Sonia
    I sometimes think that I don't want to be here without angel but angel fought so hard to be here for his family and he couldn't stay . so that shocks me into thinking i can do this, angel would want me to go on. I will have my ups and downs but i try everyday, I hope you feel better soon Remember we all care about everyone here you to.

    michelle
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #8
    Sorry
    So sorry that you are not feeling well. I hope they can get you on the right medication that will help you. Try and keep your chin up. I'm thinking of you and hope you feel better soon.

    Kim
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    #9
    Annabelle41415 said:

    Sorry
    So sorry that you are not feeling well. I hope they can get you on the right medication that will help you. Try and keep your chin up. I'm thinking of you and hope you feel better soon.

    Kim

    Girl...
    ...I'm going to put you over my knee and give you such a a$$ whoop! You stop talking like that, you hear??? I just want to grab you and give you such big hugsss, I'm sooo glad you called to get help, you must get your meds adjusted, and hopefully they will make you better, but you don't want this to kill you, don't let it!!! I hope you are doing better today, and hopefully your will comes back, I know we all lose it, or want to lose it, but we can't let it, I know harder said than done, but I KNOW you're stronger then this, now you want to cry, go ahead, I'll cry with you, but don't you dare threaten your life for me to see, we love you to much, and want you to get better! Please just get all the help you need, and make sure you come back to let us know you are ok!


    Hugsss!!
    ~Donna
  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030 Member
    #10
    Shayenne said:

    Girl...
    ...I'm going to put you over my knee and give you such a a$$ whoop! You stop talking like that, you hear??? I just want to grab you and give you such big hugsss, I'm sooo glad you called to get help, you must get your meds adjusted, and hopefully they will make you better, but you don't want this to kill you, don't let it!!! I hope you are doing better today, and hopefully your will comes back, I know we all lose it, or want to lose it, but we can't let it, I know harder said than done, but I KNOW you're stronger then this, now you want to cry, go ahead, I'll cry with you, but don't you dare threaten your life for me to see, we love you to much, and want you to get better! Please just get all the help you need, and make sure you come back to let us know you are ok!


    Hugsss!!
    ~Donna

    Ditto!!! Put that chin up,
    Ditto!!! Put that chin up, and fight the battle with us!

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