Mom just passed away from cancer

Hi Sara,
This board is not as active as some others, and I feel badly that there has been limited response to your very sad post. I lost my dad to colon cancer; his recurred after 2 pretty good years from original diagnosis, but the recurrance was diagnosed in September and he died that December. I felt so sad and helpless at the time; even though I'm a nurse with hospice experience, being with a family member to the end takes away a little part of you.
It's been 3 years since I lost my dad, and now my memories tend to fly to the good times. Don't worry about ever forgetting your mom, not possible. I have kept some silly reminders of my dad after we closed out the house. Every time I use his change purse, or need his little pocket knife, or look at his train collection, it reminds me of him.
You will get a handle on this, just relax your expectations and allow yourself to grieve for as long as it takes. It does feel less painful over time.
Hang in there; feel free to e-mail me if I can help. Judy

I'm very sorry for your loss. I just lost my husband of 34 years. He was diagnosed in Oct. 03. We tried two surgeries, radiation and chemotherapy, but he still lost his fight. I haven't had a chance to go thru all the emotions yet, but numbness I can relate to. He was only 52, far too young to be taken. We just had his celebration of life today. Seeing so many people there(more than I had imagined) really helped myself and our daughters. He may be gone just like your Mom, but the memories we have can never be taken from us. We'll think of them often, cry when least expected, smile when we hear their favorite song or see their favorite movie. I do understand, and yes it does help to speak with others in the same situation. Take care Sara, Geri

Hi shallisey,

I feel your pain. I've just lost a love one myself. My father was diagnosed with cancer on June 21, 2004, he passed away August 3, 2004. I was with him when they told him it was terminal. The cancer moved so fast he never had a chance. They scheduled several chemo treatments, not to extend how long he would live, but to improve his quality of life. He received one round of chemo and when he arrived for the second round they just sent him home. Hospice started coming daily to give him baths, dispense medicine, and make him comfortable as possible. Six weeks to the day later he went home with the lord.

I should also tell you I had to go through this with my father-in-law so I knew what I was facing. He lived for 9 months after he was diagnosed. To top it off my mother-in-law died 17 days after him of a brain aneurysm. It tore my wife apart, but she made it through.

For myself, I have so busy with tending his affairs, my wife and children, and catching up at work I have not even had time to grieve. I don't know if I will. I don't know if I was so prepared for the inevitable or what, but I don't find myself anguishing that he's gone. I think most of sadness is that I can't talk to him anymore.

Don't despair, look around you, she's in everything you are and everything you do. Be comforted in knowing she is but a prayer away.

Best wishes, Robert W.