Just Diagnosed - strap me in

On the day of my 51st birthday(12/29), I received the diagnosis of Stage IV regional esophageal cancer. It has been a hellish end to the year. In early November I started to experience a lower leg cramp, been on the treadmill too long to prepare for a 2nd honneymoon with my husband. Treated it as tendonitis - went to the Islands - waited 30 years for that trip. Ate, drank and loved each other for 6 days. My ankle swelled a few times and my leg was still sore but heck I am 50 years old. Came home to Thanksgiving and cooking all day - notice my foot started swelling and went to the ER the next day to see what was up. No broken bones and sent home with a boot. After a week all seemed fine until I was hit with a crampy, painful stomach flu. Two weeks of stomach cramps and eating problems but went to work every day and muddled through. On the 18th of December I finally started feeling a little better in my belly but had a strange muscle cramping on my sternum, went to work - had the afternoon off for lots of appointments but during all that running around, I felt a sever crushing pain in my side up to my neck. Drove myself to the ER and was told I had multiple pulmonary embolisms and it was lucky I came. Admitted for 5 days, lots of tests - during a CT scan they saw some enlarged lymph nodes. Got scoped and was told there was a legion on my esophagus with regional lymph nodes involvement. Biopsies done on legion and 2 nodes confirmed Adenocarcinoma. Been to two oncologist, saw my primary care cry, been told the stats, getting the port put in tomorrow, starting chemo as soon as possible (maybe the week after next) I am entering a phase II clinical trial - and here I am. Thank god for lorazepan. My husband and all my children and friends have been awesome. This is so strange, I was never the one who ever got sick. Ive only been to the hospital 3 times to give birth to 3 kids.

My bloodwork, my physical presentations are all excellent. I have always been the picture of health. I am still recovering from the PE's, back hurts a bit from time to time. My stomach still aches a good bit and I need to constantly treat those symptoms. I am tired and it is hard to not drift off to depression. I give myself 2 lovenox shots a day and The Vycaton is reaping havac with my digestion, no appetite to speak off and that frustrates my husband who makes me milkshakes 3 times a day. He is bound and determine to put 10 pounds on me so I can get through this. I dont know if these symptoms are the cancer, (seems wierd since I never had one before they told me) or just all the stress and worry. I am stapped in for the ride. My daughter is due to have my first Grandchild in 3 weeks, I have so much to live for. I have been blessed with good health my whole life and have always been very active physically and mentally. I am scared that all that is over.

Thank you to anyone who reads this, I needed to document these past 3 weeks of hell. I am just starting on the journey but will be grateful for any advise anyone wants to give.