Farewell

poopsiegal said:

AT PEACE
WE DIDNT LOSE OUR MOM WE LOST OUR SON ON THE 17 OF SEPT AND U KNOW I KNOW THE GUILT FEELING YOU ALL ARE HAVING AND SOMETIMES ANGER WHEN YOU C HOW SO MANY HAVE MADE IT AND OUR LOVE ONE HAS GONE ON BUT I LOOK AT IT NOW AS A BLESSING BECAUSE NOW HE HAS NO MORE PAIN NO MORE PILLS NO MORE TEST AND NO MORE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS NOW WE HAVE THE PAIN BUT BEING HIS MOM I HAVE RELEIF IN KNOWING HE IS WITH GOD AND WHAT BETTER PLACE TO BE.
I AM LOST RIGHT NOW IN MY LIFE BECAUSE NOW I HAVE TIME AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE FREE TIME THAT USETO BE SPENT WITH HIM I HAVE RETURNED BACK TO WORK BUT STHE DAYS I AM OFF IS WHATS HARD BUT I JUST KEEP PRAYING AND ASKING GOD FOR THE STRENGTH TO ENDURE WE TO HAVE CLEANED OUT THE HOUSE AND ETC BUT IT FEELS LIKE A VOID IS THERE AND WE JUST PRESSS ON BECAUSE OUR SON WOULD WANT US TO AND HE WOULD WANT ME TO STAY ON THIS SITE TO ENCOURAGE THOSE THAT ARE STILL HERE AND FIGHTING TO CONTINUE ON TO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP AND GIVE THIS CANCER THE FIGHT IT DESERVES AND TO KNOW YOU MUST PRAY YOUR WAY THROUGH AND KEEP GOD IN FRONT OF YOU AND NO MATTER HOW TIRED YOU GET YOU MUST PRESS ON OUR SON FOUGHT A GOOD FIGHT AND HELD ON TILL THE END BUT GOD KNEW WHAT WAS BEST AND THAT WAS TO GIVE HIM REST OUR SON WAS ONLY 28 BUT WE ALL HAVE OUR APPOINTED TIME AND WHILE WE HERE WE MUST USE OUR TIME TO ALWAYS HELP OTHERS MAY GOD KEEP YOU AND YOUR HUBBY AND I KNOW WE ALL WILL HAVE BETTER DAYS WE WILL MISS OUR LOVE ONES BUT WE CARRY THEM IN OUR HEART.STAY STRONG AND YOU ALL STAY IN GOD.

akbetty said:

Fatima
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother-in-law. I know that you put your whole heart into taking care of her. As for the guilt, my husband died on Monday and was buried yesterday, and it seems so wrong for me to go out and do normal things. But I know that our loved ones want us to go on with our lives, so I am trying to keep the memories, and of course the sadness, and let go of the guilt. My thoughts are with you and your husband.
Betty

SonSon said:

Warming thoughts...
Thank you for your comments - very heartwarming. I am sorry about the losses you all have shared, too.
We have visited her grave every day this week. I hope my husband stops that soon. It is hard on him. I don't want him to stop altogether - just not every day. But he is an only son and it is very hard on him.
She did a lot of knitting. She has a whole bag of yarn remnants. I have set it aside thinking that maybe something can be done with it but not sure what yet.
Someone mentioned anger about having lost someone (the 28 year old son, I think) while so many have survived. I can really really relate to that. I remember in July going to someone's house to pick up a filing/storage cabinet that I found for sale through Craig's list. When I got there the guy was talkative and mentioned that he could not help me lift the cabinet since he got his port removed recently. I looked at him puzzled because I was not sure what he was talking about. He said that he had non-hodgkins lymphoma but was in remission. I had a mixed response but the overwhelming color of my emotions was anger. I literally thought to myself "why does this guy survive and my mother in law is suffering so much?". Truly I was happy that the guy survived - I congratulated him on that - but I felt anger, too. At that point I was nearly hopeless about her case. I did not tell the guy about all my feelings but did share that my mother-in-law had breast cancer. I also told him that I did not want to talk much about it because I would just cry and I needed the strength to move that cabinet. He did share an interesting story with me about going to see Spamalot in New York City a couple years ago. He had a T-shirt that says "I'm not dead yet" (it is a funny line from Monty Python's Holy Grail movie). His story motivated me to try to squeeze as much life into my mother-in-law's days and to avoid living as though she were dead already (not be so hopeless).
She was a really lovely woman and treated my like her own daughter (she only has a son).
I have her clothes packed in a box ready to send to a thrift store. Not taking them out just yet in case my husband says he wants to keep something. I did leave out the bonnet she wore because he said something about smelling it the other day. He and I are both anxious to get rid of the "sick" equipment. Trying to remember her better days.
When we visit her grave he gives her a "news report" - almost like a regular conversation. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to see if it really is all true. At least she is at peace now and not suffering.
Fatima