Put Your Boobs in a Waffle Iron and Hold Your Breath, Please!

chenheart
chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Paraphrasing here b4 it jumps completely out ouf my Vegas-exhausted Brain, but I just heard a funny funny description of Mammograms on GMA!

The comedienne was saying that we are so ill-prepared for Mammograms~ all we are told is not to wear deoderant that day, and if there is any day we will NEED deoderant, it's mammo day! So, to help us with the humiliation, the smart thing to do is schedule your mammogram with your best friend; at least there is consolation in knowing both of you are having this bizarre, although necessary procedure done at the same time.

She also said that a mammogram does un-natural things to your breasts~ the machine takes what is supposed to be Round and compresses them into weird, twisted flat shapes. The best thing to then do is: After your mammogram, you and your best friend should go out to a restaurant, laugh and complain about what just happened, and then order BOTH coffee and chocolate; your boobs will puff up and be round again in no time!!!!

Just thought all my sisters here should know! Love you, Kindred Spirits! :-)

Hugs,
Chen♥

Comments

  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #2
    On the news one night I
    On the news one night I heard a reporter say that everyone should go get their mammogram and it dosn't hurt. Right then I knew she had never been to have one and she is telling everyone else to go get one. Everyone here knows what it feels like.

    Glad you are back from Vegas.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #3
    Marcia527 said:

    On the news one night I
    On the news one night I heard a reporter say that everyone should go get their mammogram and it dosn't hurt. Right then I knew she had never been to have one and she is telling everyone else to go get one. Everyone here knows what it feels like.

    Glad you are back from Vegas.

    Doesn't Hurt.....sure!
    I have to agree with you on that one, Marcia. Necessary Evil, the boob-smooosh is!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    #4
    Doesn't hurt?
    I heard the one where the husband asked his wife what a mammogram was like and it shouldn't hurt much. She she told him to go out into the garage in the middle of January and lay down top naked on the cold cement floor. Press your boob out as far as it will go then roll the front tire of your car over it. And then, because you enjoyed that experience so much, roll over and repeat.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #5
    padee6339 said:

    Doesn't hurt?
    I heard the one where the husband asked his wife what a mammogram was like and it shouldn't hurt much. She she told him to go out into the garage in the middle of January and lay down top naked on the cold cement floor. Press your boob out as far as it will go then roll the front tire of your car over it. And then, because you enjoyed that experience so much, roll over and repeat.

    Just Wondering.....
    Good one, padee! And if that is done on a man's private parts...would that be considered a Man-O-Gram????
  • taleena
    taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member
    #6
    chenheart said:

    Just Wondering.....
    Good one, padee! And if that is done on a man's private parts...would that be considered a Man-O-Gram????

    That's funny... recently I
    That's funny... recently I told my husband to lay in the garage on this side, and pull out his chest, then close the garage door on it repeatedly... he opted to continue in ignorant bliss of what we endure...

    ♥ & hugs,
    ~T
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #7
    taleena said:

    That's funny... recently I
    That's funny... recently I told my husband to lay in the garage on this side, and pull out his chest, then close the garage door on it repeatedly... he opted to continue in ignorant bliss of what we endure...

    ♥ & hugs,
    ~T

    Men.......
    To fully appreciate the exotic pleasures of a mammogram, Take a George Forman Toasted sandwich maker, trap your 'Delicate Bits" inside and slam down repeatedly and with as much force as you can manage. Alternatively, place your 'Crown Jewels" under the toilet seat BEFORE sitting down HARD!.

    I do hope this helps :)

    Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #8
    tasha_111 said:

    Men.......
    To fully appreciate the exotic pleasures of a mammogram, Take a George Forman Toasted sandwich maker, trap your 'Delicate Bits" inside and slam down repeatedly and with as much force as you can manage. Alternatively, place your 'Crown Jewels" under the toilet seat BEFORE sitting down HARD!.

    I do hope this helps :)

    Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    LOL Tasha~ the visual is
    LOL Tasha~ the visual is sooo funny! Thanks for sharing that....hilarious!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    #9
    chenheart said:

    LOL Tasha~ the visual is
    LOL Tasha~ the visual is sooo funny! Thanks for sharing that....hilarious!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    All I can say is...........
    O U C H


    Love, Jeanne ♥
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #10
    Jeanne D said:

    All I can say is...........
    O U C H


    Love, Jeanne ♥

    Yikes
    These visuals are so funny! Thanks for the chuckle!

    Now, I will postpone my mammo even further! haha

    Kylez ♥
  • lolad
    lolad Member Posts: 670
    #11
    Kylez said:

    Yikes
    These visuals are so funny! Thanks for the chuckle!

    Now, I will postpone my mammo even further! haha

    Kylez ♥

    HAHA
    These are so funny, i needed the laugh, thanks. And Kylez, you better be kidding about putting off that mammo girl!! Us sisters will hunt you down!

    laura
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #12
    Haha!
    Thanks, Kindred Spirit, for sharing the mammo jokes - Vegas style! To all the other humorous posters here, too - thanks for the smiles!

    Kind regards, 12/25

    P.S. to J; Good to see your old photo I.D. back up! It's bringing back good memories from on the board a while back. And, I bet the newer members are getting a big kick out of it! :-)
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #13
    Christmas Girl said:

    Haha!
    Thanks, Kindred Spirit, for sharing the mammo jokes - Vegas style! To all the other humorous posters here, too - thanks for the smiles!

    Kind regards, 12/25

    P.S. to J; Good to see your old photo I.D. back up! It's bringing back good memories from on the board a while back. And, I bet the newer members are getting a big kick out of it! :-)

    These are all so
    These are all so funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

    Sue :)
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    #14
    tasha_111 said:

    Men.......
    To fully appreciate the exotic pleasures of a mammogram, Take a George Forman Toasted sandwich maker, trap your 'Delicate Bits" inside and slam down repeatedly and with as much force as you can manage. Alternatively, place your 'Crown Jewels" under the toilet seat BEFORE sitting down HARD!.

    I do hope this helps :)

    Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Haaa! good one Tasha!

    Haaa! good one Tasha!
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    #15
    HaHa
    Gee, thanks, ladies! A mammo on my remaining boob is scheduled for next week. I'll try not to think about waffle irons, garage doors, and George Foreman grills.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #16
    Moopy23 said:

    HaHa
    Gee, thanks, ladies! A mammo on my remaining boob is scheduled for next week. I'll try not to think about waffle irons, garage doors, and George Foreman grills.

    Good Luck on the NOT
    Good Luck on the NOT thinking about any of the aforementioned, Mz Moop! I think that is about how jurors feels when the Judege tells them to "disregard that remark"....sure! LOL

    Hugs to you and Aortus!

    Chen♥
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    #17
    chenheart said:

    Good Luck on the NOT
    Good Luck on the NOT thinking about any of the aforementioned, Mz Moop! I think that is about how jurors feels when the Judege tells them to "disregard that remark"....sure! LOL

    Hugs to you and Aortus!

    Chen♥

    Ok, I'll Need Distraction
    I am sure you are right, as you are so often, 50-Foot Woman. Actually, I have been meaning to ask you for suggestions on Native American music. I can prepare myself for a flattening treatment with soothing and beautiful native music.

    Hugs to you, dear Chen.
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #18
    Moopy23 said:

    Ok, I'll Need Distraction
    I am sure you are right, as you are so often, 50-Foot Woman. Actually, I have been meaning to ask you for suggestions on Native American music. I can prepare myself for a flattening treatment with soothing and beautiful native music.

    Hugs to you, dear Chen.

    My reponse to this lame o idiot Man --
    Place "JR" in the mammo machine .. squeeze down, turn the plate a little to the left, wait ... ok ..now the right .. squeeze down a little more .. Now hold that position for 2 min's. Once you completed this process .. start on the boy to the left of Jr, then the right. After that testing has been completed, and you have been released from the hospital, taken 3 weeks off of work to recuperate ---- you can weigh in on mammo's ..

    Otherwise .. shut up !

    VickiSam
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    #19
    VickiSam said:

    My reponse to this lame o idiot Man --
    Place "JR" in the mammo machine .. squeeze down, turn the plate a little to the left, wait ... ok ..now the right .. squeeze down a little more .. Now hold that position for 2 min's. Once you completed this process .. start on the boy to the left of Jr, then the right. After that testing has been completed, and you have been released from the hospital, taken 3 weeks off of work to recuperate ---- you can weigh in on mammo's ..

    Otherwise .. shut up !

    VickiSam

    Claudia ☻
    This has to be one of the funniest threads on here to date! Thanks for the laughs everyone! I think I will have hubby look at this. He is staring at me now since I am laughing so hard!

    Kristin ♥

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