Trying to accept

akbetty
akbetty Member Posts: 38
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
I am trying to accept the fact that we are nearing the end. I did not think this would happen so quickly. My husband had a good day last Tuesday, but then a bad night, and he just kept getting worse. We were supposed to go to the doctor on Thursday, but I called and told them there was no way I could get him there. I just knew at that point that it was either the hospital or hospice, so the doctor contacted hospice. They have been wonderful, but I waited as long as I could to get them involved because it makes it all seem so real. They are telling me my husband has a day or two, and I'm trying to accept that this is really where we are. My daughter came home from college to say goodbye and it was heartbreaking, because they are so close. Anyway, we all know what a hard job this is. I know I will see it through to the end and give my husband all I can, but this is by far the most painful thing I've ever been through. Thanks for listening, Betty

Comments

  • esined
    esined Member Posts: 22
    #2
    Betty,
    Don't know what to
    Betty,
    Don't know what to say except my thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Denise
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Hospice
    I'm so sorry time is so short for your husband. As you know my husband also went on Hospice this week. It's hard. My husband does have more time left, I think. Hospice does seem a little like giving up, but they are there to help both the patient and the caregiver. My prayers are with you. I can feel your deep sadness. I'm glad your daughter was able to say goodbye. Fay
  • AceSFO
    AceSFO Member Posts: 229
    #4
    I'm sorry Betty, I wish I
    I'm sorry Betty, I wish I could say something to make it easier. One thing that's been useful to me is something my grandmother said after my grandfather died (they had been together for almost 60 years). She said even if they had another 100 years together it still wouldn't be enough time, so she focused on everything that they had had together, and it helped get her through. We're not quite ready for hospice here yet, but I don't think it's too far off.
    I'll keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
    Here's wishing you strength and grace.
  • SonSon
    SonSon Member Posts: 174
    #5
    Huggs and prayers to you...
    Betty,
    I too feel sad for the rapid decline of your husband.
    Please remember to keep talking to your husband - he can hear you and can sense that you are there even if you are sitting around watching TV.
    I wish you strength and peace.
    Fatima
  • akbetty
    akbetty Member Posts: 38
    #6
    SonSon said:

    Huggs and prayers to you...
    Betty,
    I too feel sad for the rapid decline of your husband.
    Please remember to keep talking to your husband - he can hear you and can sense that you are there even if you are sitting around watching TV.
    I wish you strength and peace.
    Fatima

    Thank you
    Thank you everyone for your kind words of support and courage. We got through the night ok. I am still talking to my husband and telling him I love him even though he is no longer responsive. I don't know if he hears it, but it helps me to say it. For now, I am just watching and waiting, and doing my best for him...
    Betty
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #7
    akbetty said:

    Thank you
    Thank you everyone for your kind words of support and courage. We got through the night ok. I am still talking to my husband and telling him I love him even though he is no longer responsive. I don't know if he hears it, but it helps me to say it. For now, I am just watching and waiting, and doing my best for him...
    Betty

    Betty
    I am truely sorry , I said good bye to my husband april 16 of this year i miss him so much but he is not suffering and beleave me when i say he did suffer to the end. I cry everyday I got to love my husband for 38 yrs and for that i am thankful. but i am so alone now and each day i miss him more.I wish i could say something that would give you comfort but i don't know what to say but i am sorry.

    michelle N
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #8
    Thinking of You
    Betty, I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and keeping your family in my prayers. Fay
  • onlyhuman
    onlyhuman Member Posts: 99
    #9
    akbetty said:

    Thank you
    Thank you everyone for your kind words of support and courage. We got through the night ok. I am still talking to my husband and telling him I love him even though he is no longer responsive. I don't know if he hears it, but it helps me to say it. For now, I am just watching and waiting, and doing my best for him...
    Betty

    Thinking of you
    Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
  • akbetty
    akbetty Member Posts: 38
    #10
    grandmafay said:

    Thinking of You
    Betty, I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and keeping your family in my prayers. Fay

    Thank you to everyone for your thoughts
    Thank you. My husband passed at 8:00am yesterday (mon) morning. He did not appear to suffer in any way. The hospice people were wonderful, especially for my four year old who cried so hard when I told her. I spent a lot of time just wandering around the house, feeling lost, but I have the kids to keep going for, so I will. Thanks again to everyone who has been thinking of us.
    Betty
  • jimbeam50
    jimbeam50 Member Posts: 47
    #11
    akbetty said:

    Thank you to everyone for your thoughts
    Thank you. My husband passed at 8:00am yesterday (mon) morning. He did not appear to suffer in any way. The hospice people were wonderful, especially for my four year old who cried so hard when I told her. I spent a lot of time just wandering around the house, feeling lost, but I have the kids to keep going for, so I will. Thanks again to everyone who has been thinking of us.
    Betty

    Betty and Family,
    So very
    Betty and Family,

    So very sorry to read of your loss. I know what a terrible loss this is to you and your family and wish to extend my deepest sympathy. Sheila
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #12
    akbetty said:

    Thank you to everyone for your thoughts
    Thank you. My husband passed at 8:00am yesterday (mon) morning. He did not appear to suffer in any way. The hospice people were wonderful, especially for my four year old who cried so hard when I told her. I spent a lot of time just wandering around the house, feeling lost, but I have the kids to keep going for, so I will. Thanks again to everyone who has been thinking of us.
    Betty

    Sadness
    I am so sorry for your loss, loneliness, and sadness. I know you will keep your husband' memory alive for your family. Also, you might want to look into special programs available for children who have lost a parent to cancer. But all of that will come later. Right now all of you need to take time to grieve and hold on to each other. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help. Prayers and hugs. Fay
  • onlyhuman
    onlyhuman Member Posts: 99
    #13
    akbetty said:

    Thank you to everyone for your thoughts
    Thank you. My husband passed at 8:00am yesterday (mon) morning. He did not appear to suffer in any way. The hospice people were wonderful, especially for my four year old who cried so hard when I told her. I spent a lot of time just wandering around the house, feeling lost, but I have the kids to keep going for, so I will. Thanks again to everyone who has been thinking of us.
    Betty

    So sorry for your loss
    So very sorry to hear of your loss. There is nothing I can say to make this better. Be kind to yourself. As you try to be there for your children remember too that you too need some tlc. Hugs.
  • esined
    esined Member Posts: 22
    #14
    akbetty said:

    Thank you to everyone for your thoughts
    Thank you. My husband passed at 8:00am yesterday (mon) morning. He did not appear to suffer in any way. The hospice people were wonderful, especially for my four year old who cried so hard when I told her. I spent a lot of time just wandering around the house, feeling lost, but I have the kids to keep going for, so I will. Thanks again to everyone who has been thinking of us.
    Betty

    Betty
    I am so sorry for your
    Betty
    I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
    Denise

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