cancer has taken over

pattynonews
pattynonews Member Posts: 176
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Feel like Im losing the battle, emotionally for Jack, I have fallen in to a depression, and Im stuck, I get up in the morning get Jacks, meds, flush his pik line and feed him and then start cleaning, and continue making sure he gets enough nutientment through the day, watch tv, and sleep then I wake up make dinner for his dad, watch TV and sleep again, that is my life, I miss Jack, we cant go out to much because the flu is so bad out here in Texas we are afraid he will get sick, I try to work on some crafts but it does not keep my interest, I take valium now just to escape from all of this, Jack sleeps alot so I figure I might as well too, I feel alone, all he wants to do is play his playstation, I feel like I live alone, He will go outside for awhile mess with the plants, which is good, but we seem to have lost our communiation, I don;t know if he is going through something or he is just tired, He tells me he wants to live and keep fighting, Im confused, Cancer has taken over and I don't know what to do or how to get out of this depression,

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    Hey Patty, caregiving is
    Hey Patty, caregiving is really tough, isn't it? I've felt much like you're describing on many occasions. My husband also sleeps a lot. He has also been sleeping in a chair at night for a long time. I get really lonely and agree that it often feels like cancer has taken over our lives. I don't have any words of wisdom. I just want you to know that you are not alone. It's ok to feel overwhelmed at times, maybe even most of the time. I've told my husband that I feel guilty complaining knowing that he's the one who is sick and hurting. He keeps telling me that my job is harder than his. I don't agree with him, but I appreciate the thought. You have a double whammy taking care of two people. My sister is coming to take my mother for awhile in about a week. That will be a big help. It doesn't sound like you have very much support from others. Maybe it's time to make it clear to other family members that they need to pitch in. Is that even possible? Anyway, my prayers are with you. I hope you can feel them. Fay
  • junklady
    junklady Member Posts: 88 Member
    #3
    Patty, caregiving is tough
    Patty,caregiving is tough. No one ever told me how my life would be turned upside down. Dale sleeps alot too. When he's up he watches the news, plays video poker or just stares out the window. Communication is tough because of his trach. He tries to say a few words and gets very frustrated and then has to write them. It breaks my heart to see him like this.I want to cry, but I can't in front of him. He seems like he is giving up. He has lost weight, his hands are getting thinner. He's cold and sad. He does eat and drink 7up. I think he needs more. He feels like having the trach done was a big mistake because the quality of life is gone. He would have been better off without it, at least he could do daily activities like feed the cows, get on his tractor, drive his truck. Now I'm the one doing everything. I notice the more frustrated he gets, that more mucus comes out of the trach. Does it get better and when? As for me, I just manage to keep going on auto pilot. I try to line up as many projects as I can to keep my mind off of how he is suffering and what's to come. I don't sleep very well, up at 4 or 5. When he gets upset, I get upset and can't eat. This is just so darn frustrating and I hate it. God help us all to be strong and be there for the love of our life. Take care.
  • pattynonews
    pattynonews Member Posts: 176
    #4
    junklady said:

    Patty, caregiving is tough
    Patty,caregiving is tough. No one ever told me how my life would be turned upside down. Dale sleeps alot too. When he's up he watches the news, plays video poker or just stares out the window. Communication is tough because of his trach. He tries to say a few words and gets very frustrated and then has to write them. It breaks my heart to see him like this.I want to cry, but I can't in front of him. He seems like he is giving up. He has lost weight, his hands are getting thinner. He's cold and sad. He does eat and drink 7up. I think he needs more. He feels like having the trach done was a big mistake because the quality of life is gone. He would have been better off without it, at least he could do daily activities like feed the cows, get on his tractor, drive his truck. Now I'm the one doing everything. I notice the more frustrated he gets, that more mucus comes out of the trach. Does it get better and when? As for me, I just manage to keep going on auto pilot. I try to line up as many projects as I can to keep my mind off of how he is suffering and what's to come. I don't sleep very well, up at 4 or 5. When he gets upset, I get upset and can't eat. This is just so darn frustrating and I hate it. God help us all to be strong and be there for the love of our life. Take care.

    junklady I feel your pain
    Jack has the same problem with his trach the mucos is bad but I did put him on sudafed and it seems to helping a little, and i squirt saline down the trach to keep it moist, Jack trach ia abot 2 month old and he is still adjusting, Jack had no choice he had to get his his airway was blocked from the tumor, I think it does get easier , Jacks problem is he has a hrd time breathing with the canala in becasue his tumoor i sitting on it, so he leaves it out, We have a board for him and it is funny I write on the board to answer him so he does not feel like he is alone, sometimes we will write back and forth for awhile, There is a really nice guy on this site I think his name is slickwilly, Jack has connected with him in away that I could not, Jack does not type so I just read him what he says, He told Jack to make little goals, and try to do something everyday no matter how small it is, So Jack is now outside weeding the garden, I think when they hear it from another man who is going through the same thing, they get it, And this morning Jack and I got our boards out and really hada heart to heart talk, and I explain to him I feel like he is isolating himself not just from me but the his dad, and I tried to explain in a way that he would understand, yes I know you are the one with cancer and in pain, but we also feel like the cancer has enter our hearts and we miss you, and he cried and said he did not realized how we felt, and so we will see how the rest of the day goes. Im going to work on the quilt, watch some lifetime movies ( that is the best , get lost in those movies ) Tomorrow is chemo ( jack calls it field trip day, ) So all of us caretakers just need to stay strong and do the best we can

    Patty

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