relationship advice from you all

lolad
lolad Member Posts: 670
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I havent posted in a while, but do visit, so sorry guys. I have a question that i dont have anyone else to ask about except for my sisters. I met this guy the weekend before my surgery in june and he knows all im going through and calls me and we talk alot. Ive only seen him four times now and tonight i saw him. Ive had my guard up because i wasnt wanting to get close to someone because my ex husband was a terrible person and havent really had a relationship since we divorce 10 years ago except for one other bad one. So, its just been me and my three kids since. He told me he wants to see me more and i want to see him more now too, im just scared and dont know what to do. I still have one more treatment and reconstructive surgery ahead and hormonal therapy. He knows all this and yet still wants to talk and see me. I guess im just not used to this or something. Should i be scared? Hes a good guy, loves his kids, works hard.... I just dont know. Any advice?
laura

Comments

  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #2
    lolad,
    I am also divorced (13) years and no other relationships to speak of. I recently have an opportunity to get to know a person....my plan:
    1. Use my head until my heart can trust.
    2. Evaluate what I am willing to give to this potential relationship and what I need to get from it.
    3. Balance that against what this person has to offer and what he is willing to contribute.
    4. Become friends FIRST, then see what develops later.
    5. Give it all the time it needs and connect one thread at a time until there is a cord strong enough to hold firm.
    God bless.
  • lolad
    lolad Member Posts: 670
    #3
    zahalene said:

    lolad,
    I am also divorced (13) years and no other relationships to speak of. I recently have an opportunity to get to know a person....my plan:
    1. Use my head until my heart can trust.
    2. Evaluate what I am willing to give to this potential relationship and what I need to get from it.
    3. Balance that against what this person has to offer and what he is willing to contribute.
    4. Become friends FIRST, then see what develops later.
    5. Give it all the time it needs and connect one thread at a time until there is a cord strong enough to hold firm.
    God bless.

    thank you
    What a great way to put it all together.

    take care
    laura
  • xskeetshooter
    xskeetshooter Member Posts: 169
    #4
    life is to short
    what is wrong on having a friend, and taking it day by day.if you analize it too much, you might lose the greatest thing that came into your life.he is willing to take a chance with his heart, dont let the past ruin your future.a hard heart is the darkness of the soul.one day at a time hun.
  • aurora2009
    aurora2009 Member Posts: 544 Member
    #5
    Hi Laura
    All I can tell you is, one day at a time. He sounds like a great guy who is willing to go through what you're going through, and that really says something about the guy. But I can understand how you might be scared. I think Zah said it wonderfully, you7 need to let your heart trust again, and if you find there is something there then go for it.

    You also deserve to have some one to love you and be there for you and as long as you feel comfortable with him, and things aren't going to fast for you, then I say congradulations on finding a good man.

    Let us know how things turn out between the two of you, I really hope that you've found a winner! And some day you can look back and say look at all we've been through.

    I hope you'r feeling better soon, don't forget to let us know when you finish chemo!

    Lots of love, your friend
    Aurora
  • outdoorgirl
    outdoorgirl Member Posts: 1,565
    #6
    zahalene said:

    lolad,
    I am also divorced (13) years and no other relationships to speak of. I recently have an opportunity to get to know a person....my plan:
    1. Use my head until my heart can trust.
    2. Evaluate what I am willing to give to this potential relationship and what I need to get from it.
    3. Balance that against what this person has to offer and what he is willing to contribute.
    4. Become friends FIRST, then see what develops later.
    5. Give it all the time it needs and connect one thread at a time until there is a cord strong enough to hold firm.
    God bless.

    Good wisdom
    zah-as always!
  • FreedButterfly08
    FreedButterfly08 Member Posts: 8
    #7
    The man upstairs & his wonderful beings...
    Laura, Sometimes the man upstairs put people in our paths for one reason or the other. Just think sweetie that you are going to go through some tough moments. Your kids are young to understand & be there for you. what better person to go through your difficult times than a "friend" who will be your leaning post when necessary and your support to edge you on and keep pushing/encouraging you forward. Let time take its toll....people need to know one another before putting down a foundation...friendship is a beautiful thing..let it slowly & gradually blossom to what it shall be...good luck, take care & God Bless!!
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #8
    Hi Laura
    Hmmmm....hard for me to give advice, as I married my highschool sweetheart, but have seen alot of others go through what you are. I can imagine you would be scared in your situation. As with anyone you choose to develope a friendship with, you could never know ALL their past, but after a while you find yourself letting the wall down, brick by brick. That's ok. I think the key is to take it slow and allow advancement as you feel comfortable. If you are feeling "scared", then you are probably not ready to move forward. Maybe staying where you are a little while longer or just taking teeny tiny baby steps is better. No big major leaps. It sounds like you are ready, but have good reason to be cautious and nervous of it ending the same as in the past. He sounds great from what you describe. I would follow your instincts. I have known many that found their knight in shinning armor second, third and fourth time around! Hope it works out for you as you deserve it. ♥Pammy
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #9
    This comment has been removed by the Moderator

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