Hospice

grandmafay
grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Our onc. is calling Hospice tomorrow. I knew this day would come, but that doesn't make it any easier. We have talked about end of life issues in the past 6 years. Now we have to get down to the nitty gritty. We have been blessed by this gift of time, a wonderful and supportive family, and a supportive church family. We don't have to worry about finances. We really do feel blessed, but this is hard. We've been married for 42 years and were both 21 when we got married. I've spent 2/3 of my life with him. I know I am strong and will be ok. Tonight I'm just trying to wrap my mind around life without him. I hate seeing him sick and hurting when I can't fix it. I just needed to get this out. Thanks for listening. Fay

Comments

  • beckyracn
    beckyracn Member Posts: 322
    #2
    Fay,
    My heart goes out to
    Fay,
    My heart goes out to you at this time. Tears welled as I read your post. You sound like a very strong woman who's well prepared. I remember having the exact feelings you are during the last few weeks before my father pasted from lung ca. Although I could not fix what was happening, being by his side and making sure he was as comfortable as possible was the best substitute I could provide...and it kept me busy, because I always thought there was something more I could do. (((HUGS)))
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #3
    Fay I am
    so so sorry.. My husband fought colon cancer for 17 months, And for me too was the fact that seeing him so sick and in pain and i could not do much to help him just tore me up .I was married to him at the age of 16 he was 18 We had 35 years of growing and loving each other i am so thankful for that. Hospice is wonderful what ever our loved ones need they will get it, do it ,the nurses do care very much for the pt and thier familys.Angel wanted to be home and hospice was there, once hospice got involved my husband passed in 3 months. I miss him so much i can't explain the feeling i have not to see him anymore. I am also strong thanks to my husband and I will be ok. When my husband was sick last year i posted alot and i said it as i saw it, with my husband towards the end. I needed alot of advice from people here and they gave 100% Any concerns just ask us . You and your family are in my prayers,

    michelle
  • pattynonews
    pattynonews Member Posts: 176
    #4
    angelsbaby said:

    Fay I am
    so so sorry.. My husband fought colon cancer for 17 months, And for me too was the fact that seeing him so sick and in pain and i could not do much to help him just tore me up .I was married to him at the age of 16 he was 18 We had 35 years of growing and loving each other i am so thankful for that. Hospice is wonderful what ever our loved ones need they will get it, do it ,the nurses do care very much for the pt and thier familys.Angel wanted to be home and hospice was there, once hospice got involved my husband passed in 3 months. I miss him so much i can't explain the feeling i have not to see him anymore. I am also strong thanks to my husband and I will be ok. When my husband was sick last year i posted alot and i said it as i saw it, with my husband towards the end. I needed alot of advice from people here and they gave 100% Any concerns just ask us . You and your family are in my prayers,

    michelle

    round 2 for us
    It was this time last year that Jack's mom starting getting really sick, ( she had black lung disease ) Hospice was brought in the last 2 months, and it was hard for Jack to see him mom like that, Now here we are again with Jack sick, ( Jacks mom passed away on Christmas day, His mom and dad were married for 52 years,, that is another reason why Jack and I are living with his dad, his dad was just heartbroken, and still has days where he falls apart, Having his dad and Jack here it gets kinda of emotional some days, cuz he sees his son sick now, and I have to keep comforting him Jack is ok, ( especially when Jack has a bad day ) his dad does not understand why he is good one day and the same same he is feeling bad, ( we call that cancer ) so I have two emotional guys on my hands, They say everything happens for a reason, and I guess there is a really good reason why God had me leave florida and come acros the state to be here with Jack, I get emotional like now, Jack is in the other room playing the drums, that is his life for the past 30 years, he was one of the fortunate people who got to what they really wanted think about it, playing the drums in a band for a living, living the rockstar life for 30 years how fun is that, I hear him play and I know I would just love to see him play one more time on the big stage, I don't know if any of you know who Randy Hansen is ( he plays alot of Jimi Hendricks, he tours all over the country ) ( If you like Jimi go check him out ) well Jack has been friends with him for over 25 years, played with him and even was suppose to play at the Woodstock Fest but ended up in th hospital, I wanted so bad to see Jack play and Im praying for the chance, but I just listen to him play in the room and he misses it so much, Wow I lost track of what I was saying , Hospice they were so good, with Jack's mom, My prayers are with you ,

    Patty
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    #5
    Fay, I occasionally read the
    Fay, I occasionally read the posts on this site. I am currently fighting breast cancer. I read your post just a few minutes ago and hoped I could be of some help to you. I, too, dealt with my husband dying of cancer but it's been 25 years ago. We had a daughter at the time that was just 2 1/2 years old. It was very difficult because we had waited to have a child. He was dx'd with mesothelomia and was only alive for 3 months. Not only was I still dealing with the diagnosis but his death was much too soon. At the end, I also had Hospice come into our home because he wanted to die at home. I can't say enough good things about them. They will not only help your husband but will be a tremendous help to you. They will prepare you as well as him for his homecoming. Spend your time you have left loving him and caring for him. The one thing I will remember learning from Hospice is that the last thing that goes on a person is their hearing. I spoke to my husband until he took his final breath. It was not easy once that day came but I knew I had done everything the way he wanted it done. That did help. I send strength your way and a great big hug.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #6
    MyTurnNow said:

    Fay, I occasionally read the
    Fay, I occasionally read the posts on this site. I am currently fighting breast cancer. I read your post just a few minutes ago and hoped I could be of some help to you. I, too, dealt with my husband dying of cancer but it's been 25 years ago. We had a daughter at the time that was just 2 1/2 years old. It was very difficult because we had waited to have a child. He was dx'd with mesothelomia and was only alive for 3 months. Not only was I still dealing with the diagnosis but his death was much too soon. At the end, I also had Hospice come into our home because he wanted to die at home. I can't say enough good things about them. They will not only help your husband but will be a tremendous help to you. They will prepare you as well as him for his homecoming. Spend your time you have left loving him and caring for him. The one thing I will remember learning from Hospice is that the last thing that goes on a person is their hearing. I spoke to my husband until he took his final breath. It was not easy once that day came but I knew I had done everything the way he wanted it done. That did help. I send strength your way and a great big hug.

    Thanks
    Thank you everyone for your support. I read your replies through my tears.Thanks for helping me cry. I feel very blessed that you reached out to me even as you deal with your own loses and concerns. We are very lucky that our sons are grown and part of our support system. I understand, too, the special challenges of dealing with an aging parent. My 90 year old mother lives with us. Although we share with her everything that is going on, I'm never sure if she understands. As things move along she may go stay with my sister, but she considers this home. She is also close to my husband. I'm a little more centered today. I have lost some keys, though, and it's driving me crazy. It's the little things that seem to do that. Anyway, you are all in my prayers. Prayers of thanksgiving as well as concern. God has blessed us with our family, our time together, our strong faith, caring health professionals, and our supportive church family. So many others don't have that. Fay
  • akbetty
    akbetty Member Posts: 38
    #7
    grandmafay said:

    Thanks
    Thank you everyone for your support. I read your replies through my tears.Thanks for helping me cry. I feel very blessed that you reached out to me even as you deal with your own loses and concerns. We are very lucky that our sons are grown and part of our support system. I understand, too, the special challenges of dealing with an aging parent. My 90 year old mother lives with us. Although we share with her everything that is going on, I'm never sure if she understands. As things move along she may go stay with my sister, but she considers this home. She is also close to my husband. I'm a little more centered today. I have lost some keys, though, and it's driving me crazy. It's the little things that seem to do that. Anyway, you are all in my prayers. Prayers of thanksgiving as well as concern. God has blessed us with our family, our time together, our strong faith, caring health professionals, and our supportive church family. So many others don't have that. Fay

    So sorry
    Fay, I am so sorry to hear that you and your husband have reached this point in your journey. I have only heard wonderful things about hospice, so I'm sure they will be a great help to you. You sound so wise and strong. I will remember your inspiration when I am in your shoes. I will keep you both in my prayers.
    Betty
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #8
    akbetty said:

    So sorry
    Fay, I am so sorry to hear that you and your husband have reached this point in your journey. I have only heard wonderful things about hospice, so I'm sure they will be a great help to you. You sound so wise and strong. I will remember your inspiration when I am in your shoes. I will keep you both in my prayers.
    Betty

    Meeting Tomorrow
    We meet with Hospice tomorrow. They offered to come earlier, but we had a bunch of appointments-taxes, get car serviced, new glasses for me,etc. Anyway they will be here tomorrow. I'm glad Hospice is available, but it seems so final.My husband's spirits are good, but it's hard on all of us to tell people where we are on this journey. Several people after church just hugged us because they found it so hard to talk. We seem to be the ones who are reassuring others. My sister has offered to take my Mom for awhile. I guess I will take her up on the offer. That way we can just be together. Thank all of you again for your support. Fay

    P.S. My husband found my keys! Sometimes it's the little everyday things that help. Life is better when you know where your keys are.
  • Faithr
    Faithr Member Posts: 3
    #9
    I'm so sorry
    Dear Fay,
    I work for Hospice and can only tell you that they will help you through this and of course help your loved one. I became familure with Hospice when my Mother had overian cancer, started out as a volunteer and now work with a wonderful group of nurses who care so much about their patients. I have seen them get so upset when they don't think they have done all that they could do to help and yet they have. I have seen them cry when the patient has passed away. God put these people here for a reason, it really takes a special person to be a Hospice nurse, Home Health Aide, Chaplin, Volunteer. We are so blessed to care for your loved ones and become involved with the families.

    My husband was just diagnoised on the 23rd of Nov with pancreatic carainoma, with mets to the bones and lymph nodes. They gave him 6 months without treatment and 12 with treatment,he starts chemo this Monday the 30th. This is a very agressive disease since it is hard to detect, we will fight until quanity is more than quality then it will be time to stop. We are shocked to say the least. Jim is 68 and I'm 65. Keep a positive attitude is important, doing all the research that you can helps. I just wish my kids and his were closer to us.

    God continue to Bless you and give you both the peace that you both need. I will keep you and everyone else in my prayers. If I can do anything let me know.
    Faith

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