Nervous breakdown?-not for the faint

MinnieMN said:

WHO knew that it costs so
WHO knew that it costs so much money for a Will, cremation, Power of Attorney, and Health Directive! I'm flabergasted!

Minnie.......
You have a PM.......

MinnieMN said:

Thank you everyone...
for your support and words. I can't thank all of you enough. I was in the hospital last weekend, and I couldn't stand it, so I came home and went straight back to work. I don't know why going to work is so important me. Of course, there is the finances, but it has more to do with keeping things as normal as possible I think. I have to go into denial or be a little "automatic" or I know that I won't be able to deal with this. I'm doing some research online and really trying to not accept my "timeline". There has to be something that can be done, and I am trying to allow myself to think of being admitted and trying what the doctors want me to try even though it would supposedly be harsh.

I can't tell my mom, I just can't. She has been severly mentally ill my entire life, and I know that she won't be able to handle this-it would wind up that I would need to be responsible for her, so it is easier for the moment to not tell her. I thought about telling different family members, but I can think of a reason to "spare" each and every one of them. I don't know what to do. I have told some of my friends, and they do want to help, but to a point-one of them said that she cares about me like I'm one of her kids, which is both good and bad for her-she wants to be less "emotionally involved". Why am I a person that people don't want to be "emotionally involved" with??? I have been in relationships where I give everything and just get taken advantage of, and now, I'm at a point where I could really use a hug (haven't had one since I visited family during holidays last year-other than a couple from friends that I don't see often). There must be something terribly wrong with me. Being alone is so hard for me, I feel like I could do this if I had someone to stand by me. I used to enjoy my alone time, enjoy being independent, but ever since I became "sick", everything is so hard and I am so lonely throughout the day. I tried to see a counselor, but I can't stand talking to someone that is separated so much-I want someone to be "emotionally involved"! I want to know that someone will miss me when I'm not here! OK, I will end this soon before I start crying-must go back into denial to get through this Sunday-thank goodness there's work tomorrow.

Anyways, thank you everyone for listening, I really appreciate it. I hope that you all are having a good day.

Bluerose-How are you doing these days? Thanks for sharing some about your story. My doctors have said that I have tumors in my spine as well as someplace in my neck (I got upset and wouldn't let them check that out-totally walked out of the office-something about a possible lymphnode or something). This is in addition to the brain tumor that I am dealing with currently. I know, I really need a friend to go to the doctors with me, so that they can write stuff down-it's amazing what I forget or choose to "forget" by the time I get home! They mentioned something about a stem cell transplant after certain treatment to help with the tumors in my spinal column or something. This is the first I have shared this part with anyone. Anyway, all of this scares me so much. Maybe we could chat sometime, I would love to hear more about your life and what you do to make it through. I want to concentrate on the good days and the positive things, I am trying.

Re: "I thought about telling different family members, but I can think of a reason to "spare" each and every one of them. I don't know what to do."

Minnie, I was the same way even though I grew up with my family all around me (diagnosed at age 7 w/ spinal cord tumor). They knew I had cancer and saw all my trials and failures and ups and downs. They asked how I was doing and all I would ever say was "fine." I didn't want to burden them or sadden them. It was my cross to bear. It took me until now (I'm almost 29) to really open up to them. And when I did, they did nothing short of amaze me with their extra support.

I think you're forgetting one big obvious thing, Minnie. Your family members might have busy lives, might have lots of other responsibilities, but YOU HAVE CANCER. Call them, they just might surprise you with support.

Your cross sounds near unbearable, and while no one can carry it for you, we can cheer you on along the way. Hopefully so can some of your relatives. Best of luck.

MinnieMN said:

feel like crap
I hate seizures. I have been in quite a bit of pain. Thank you Chris for posting. It's good to know there's people who survive brain cancer out there. Where is your story again?
Thank you everyone so much. Bless you

my story
Minnie, you can find a summary of my medical history here:
http://www.lrdlc.dreamhosters.com/who-i-am/

Keep posting...