New Cervical Cancer survivor

dani28
dani28 Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Gynecological Cancers (other than ovarian and uterine) #1
Hi. My name is Danielle and I just had and was treated for cervical cancer. I am 28 years old, and having a very, very hard time dealing with it. I was waiting to have kids, and now I can't since my treatment was a radical hysterectomy. Now I am childless, and have the status of "cancer survivor". Not feeling much like a survivor since all I can focus on is my loss, and what I no longer can have. Just looking for how others have dealt with their situation, and if there is life after cancer? Right now, I don't feel like there is. Or if there is, it isn't coming soon enough. When will I feel better? This grieving process hurts. Just very frustrated and looking for others who know how I feel. Please help!

Comments

  • outdoorgirl
    outdoorgirl Member Posts: 1,565
    #2
    dani
    this is outdoorgirl. Just wanted to say hi and that I'm glad that you were able to get on here. You are sure to find others on here who will definately understand what you're going through.
    It was good to meet you at the support group tonight.
    Patty
  • beckyracn
    beckyracn Member Posts: 322
    #3
    Sorry that this is how we
    Sorry that this is how we meet Danielle...but welcome. I can not say 'I understand how you feel' related to wanting children and hitting this brick wall as I was diagnosed at 49 and have three grown children, but I can say I am truly sorry. It really does hurt having your dreams crushed so suddenly. You have your hands full just dealing with the cancer diagnosis...and yes, you are a survivor! I just reached my one year of survivorship and honestly, there were many times over the past year, dealing with after effects of treatment, that I wished I'd never had the treatments. It does get easier with time...taking on each day with the best of your abilities...looking for and reaching out to grab onto the littlest bit of positive each day. The gray skies do clear and life becomes enjoyable again...although different...a new 'normal'.
    There are a lot of great people on this site...keep posting...it does help.
  • Wolfi
    Wolfi Member Posts: 425
    #4
    Kids
    Danielle,

    I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Although I have two teenagers I wanted to have another child about ten years ago and found out I couldn't (without extensive surgery and very expensive fertilization treatments that we couldn't afford). I know this is not the same as your situation, but I DO understand your feeling of loss. It took me many years to get past the fact that I couldn't have any more kids and there were many instances when I would just cry (at the store, in the car, at the park, at work) when I would see a baby or toddler. My husband talked to me about adopting or becoming foster parents, but I wasn't ready for that at the time and now we are too old for it to be a good idea.

    I don't have any advice for you to deal with your grief except that eventually it will lessen and you will have a life again.

    I have breast cancer and just had a double mastectomy. Not being able to have kids made me feel like less of a woman and now without any breasts I should feel worse, but I don't because my husband loves me no matter what I look like - he just wants me to be healthy and live as long as possible.

    I know this probably isn't the answer you were looking for, but know that there are many people out there who understand what you are going through. Keep posting and talking about how you feel - it will help. Take care.

    Wolfi
  • bfbear
    bfbear Member Posts: 380
    #5
    Wolfi said:

    Kids
    Danielle,

    I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Although I have two teenagers I wanted to have another child about ten years ago and found out I couldn't (without extensive surgery and very expensive fertilization treatments that we couldn't afford). I know this is not the same as your situation, but I DO understand your feeling of loss. It took me many years to get past the fact that I couldn't have any more kids and there were many instances when I would just cry (at the store, in the car, at the park, at work) when I would see a baby or toddler. My husband talked to me about adopting or becoming foster parents, but I wasn't ready for that at the time and now we are too old for it to be a good idea.

    I don't have any advice for you to deal with your grief except that eventually it will lessen and you will have a life again.

    I have breast cancer and just had a double mastectomy. Not being able to have kids made me feel like less of a woman and now without any breasts I should feel worse, but I don't because my husband loves me no matter what I look like - he just wants me to be healthy and live as long as possible.

    I know this probably isn't the answer you were looking for, but know that there are many people out there who understand what you are going through. Keep posting and talking about how you feel - it will help. Take care.

    Wolfi

    Hi Dani28
    I'm another member of the breast cancer board who just came over to say "hi". I am sure you will find friends here who can relate. Also, have you looked at the "young cancer survivors" board?

    Nobody wants to be a survivor, but we are. The best advice I always hear, and give, is to take it all one day at a time. Some days you think you can bear the pain and unhappiness, and somedays you feel like you'd rather be dead. But you have to keep going and have hope. Somedays you have to do it for the people that love you, even if you can't do it for yourself. The advantage of being younger is that you do have more time to learn and hope and live. (Please don't take this as flippant...it's meant only with kindness and love. Although I can't know how you feel exactly, I do know the pain I felt after miscarrying and not being able to get pregnant -- watching other mothers and babies and resenting pregnant women...)

    As you can see in my avatar, I have an adopted daughter from China (Xiaoxiao). I also have an older biological daughter and 2 grandkids. And I am being absolutely, totally honest with you when I say that Xiaoxiao is more like me than my bio daughter is or ever was! I also have often slipped and said to people, "When I had Xiaoxiao..." before I realize that I really didn't. She is my treasure. So if you can ever see yourself considering adoption, I can tell you that it is worth the effort and there is no love lost or wasted, and your heart can be full.

    With love,
    Debi

    P.S. Like the poster above, I had a bilateral mastectomy earlier this summer, and had a full hysterectomy 6 years ago. The technicalities of body parts have little to do with who you are when you have people who love you!
  • BeachIt
    BeachIt Member Posts: 17
    #6
    Hi Dani, I came over from
    Hi Dani, I came over from the breast cancer board to say welcome. I was diagnosed with b/c at the end of July and am having a mastectomy on Thursday. My journey is just beginning. I know it will be really hard but I am going to fight this. Be so proud of yourself that you are a survivor. I can't tell you that I know what it feels like to be told you will not be able to have children. I can only imagine. But please try to focus on the positive things in your life, like everyday try and think of one good thing, one thing that you are happy or thankful for. Everyone feels loss in their lives, whether its the loss of a loved one or the loss of not having something, but focus on what you do have. I will be thinking of you and let us know how you are doing.

    Sheryl
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #7
    Hi. Danielle
    Hi. I'm from the b/c board also. I do have two grown sons but I can tell you that we all have hopes and dreams and sometimes life deals a blow to these. But that just means you may have to adjust a little. You can still have a wonderful full life. I have two nieces that can not have children and they dealt with it differently. One adopted a baby and the other adopted dogs and cats. I don't know if she will ever adopt a baby or not. Everybody deals with it in their own way. Right now you are grieving your loss. The next step is acceptance. Maybe when you feel up to it you could volunteer to help children. This is something you have to decide. Sending cyber hugs your way. Hang in there. The sun will come out tomorrow.
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    #8
    Dani
    Hi, Dani, I had breast cancer, mast, chemo, rads. I am so sorry that you have to deal with cancer, and so early in your life.

    My sister Jackie had cervical cancer 20 years ago. She had surgery and has been cancer-free ever since. A colleague of my husband's was diagnosed more recently. She had the internal radiation (seed, I think it is called?) 3 years ago. Her recommendation to me and my husband was to have joint counseling after the end of all my treatments. Because the diagnosis and treatments are so hard on us and our husbands. So far, my husband and I have not had time to follow up on her advice, but I am passing it along here. We will be scheduling some counseling soon.

    The feelings you describe are ones we all share, we survivors. For a long time, it is like being on a roller coaster. You have ups and downs. There is life after cancer, and a good life. Just not what you were expecting. There is where the grief comes in, for the life you had planned and hoped for, including children.

    Speaking of that, my husband and I tried to have children, and I was successfully pregnant for awhile. At 12 weeks, we went in for my ultrasound to hear the baby's heartbeat. We had made it through the first trimester, I thought, and we were so excited about hearing the baby. But, there was no heartbeat. I was 42 at the time, and we never got pregnant again. That is a separate grief for me, not tied to the cancer diagnosis as yours is. At least I had two separate periods to mourn and adjust. I am sorry that both are happening to you at once. That must be so hard. I wish I had the words to help you more.

    But, Debi and others are right: adoption is a wonderful choice that you may make in the future. (We didn't because of my age; instead, we have "fur babies." We adopted 3 pups, and they give us great joy. Also comfort in knowing that we saved their lives. Though, they saved us, too, in many ways.) You probably can't think of that now; just keep in the back of your mind that you will have a chance to be a mom one day when you are ready. And I believe Debi when she says her love for her younger daughter is no less than for her eldest.

    Dani, I wish I could help you more. I hope it helps at least a little to know that what you are feeling is normal after all you've gone through. And you are not alone. The ribbon colors may be different, that's all.

    My best to you
  • SurvivorJanetW
    SurvivorJanetW Member Posts: 2
    #9
    Moopy23 said:

    Dani
    Hi, Dani, I had breast cancer, mast, chemo, rads. I am so sorry that you have to deal with cancer, and so early in your life.

    My sister Jackie had cervical cancer 20 years ago. She had surgery and has been cancer-free ever since. A colleague of my husband's was diagnosed more recently. She had the internal radiation (seed, I think it is called?) 3 years ago. Her recommendation to me and my husband was to have joint counseling after the end of all my treatments. Because the diagnosis and treatments are so hard on us and our husbands. So far, my husband and I have not had time to follow up on her advice, but I am passing it along here. We will be scheduling some counseling soon.

    The feelings you describe are ones we all share, we survivors. For a long time, it is like being on a roller coaster. You have ups and downs. There is life after cancer, and a good life. Just not what you were expecting. There is where the grief comes in, for the life you had planned and hoped for, including children.

    Speaking of that, my husband and I tried to have children, and I was successfully pregnant for awhile. At 12 weeks, we went in for my ultrasound to hear the baby's heartbeat. We had made it through the first trimester, I thought, and we were so excited about hearing the baby. But, there was no heartbeat. I was 42 at the time, and we never got pregnant again. That is a separate grief for me, not tied to the cancer diagnosis as yours is. At least I had two separate periods to mourn and adjust. I am sorry that both are happening to you at once. That must be so hard. I wish I had the words to help you more.

    But, Debi and others are right: adoption is a wonderful choice that you may make in the future. (We didn't because of my age; instead, we have "fur babies." We adopted 3 pups, and they give us great joy. Also comfort in knowing that we saved their lives. Though, they saved us, too, in many ways.) You probably can't think of that now; just keep in the back of your mind that you will have a chance to be a mom one day when you are ready. And I believe Debi when she says her love for her younger daughter is no less than for her eldest.

    Dani, I wish I could help you more. I hope it helps at least a little to know that what you are feeling is normal after all you've gone through. And you are not alone. The ribbon colors may be different, that's all.

    My best to you

    I'm a cervical cancer survivor too
    Hi Dani -- I am also a cervical cancer survivor. Unlike you, I did have children before my original diagnosis in 2000. I was diagnosed with a recurrence in 2007 and have had surgery, chemo & radiation. Currently I am in chemo therapy. But the good news is we are here!
    I have a friend who is also a cervical cancer survivor and her fertility was taken away as well. She was unable to have children too. I think she would be a source of encouragement for you. She just passed her 10 year cancer free anniversary.
    I am also part of the National Cervical Cancer Coalition. The website for them is www.nccc-online.org. If you get a chance, check it out as well. There is a conference coming up soon (Oct 8-10) for women like us. Information is on their website about it.
    Stay strong Dani - my thoughts & prayers are with you.
    Your CC Sister - Janet
  • mommakat2
    mommakat2 Member Posts: 1
    #10
    Dani, We are here
    Hi, this is mommakat2, I was born with a rare heart disease that I thought would be the worst of my troubles. At 28, I was diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer and was sent to surgery the next day. All I wanted in life was to have children and be a happy, healthy wife and mother. Well, sometimes God does not plan this for us. I went through depression, anger, self-pity, and you name it. My fiance left, because he could not handle me goint through surgeries and treatments... my "real" friends stood by me, supported me and went through three heart surgeries after chemo with me.

    The bottom line is, you CAN do this, you can make it through and you will still be Dani. I feel your pain, but YOU are the most important person in this situation. Not what you had, what you missed, what could have...it is now and you.

    My love and prayers are with you,
    Leigh
  • JJHorner
    JJHorner Member Posts: 3
    #11
    New Cervical Cancer survivor
    Hi! Congratulations on coming through your treatment! I had my treatment in 2004 and had a radical hysterectomy in 2006. I had already had children, so of course I can't relate to your lose. I do hope for you to find a way to heal physically and emotionally, and perhaps this new situation for you will find you on a new and happy journey that you weren't expecting in your life. Being a survivor, you will run into others who are just beginning treatment, in the middle or done, and you never know how something you say or do might help someone. I hope that someone who has been in your shoes will respond and help you! Hang in there, someone will come along and be of help and one day you too will be able to help someone.
  • kathrynmarie
    kathrynmarie Member Posts: 1
    #12
    help is here
    HELLO SWEETHEART~
    my dauqher and you need to MEET. SHE IS 25, HAS THE SAME CANCER, HAS NEVER HAD A CHILD AND CANT HAVE ONE. SHE is in the same place you are and I THINK YOU 2 NEED EACH Other. MY EMAIL IS kathrynmarielind@aol.com. please contact me. we can help each other. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

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