One of those bad days

Being teary is...
Being teary is normal. I have the utmost faith that if the worst happens and your beloved does not beat the cancer that you will be strong enough and wise enough to keep him alive for your girls. It is a long and hard task to do this, but just reading your post, I can feel that you have those reserves within you.

My heart is with you and your children. I do not know your pain and cannot say I know how you feel because I don't. But I can feel for you and care for you and pray for you. Keep posting here and you will receive so much help. You need not be 'brave' and hide your tears. Too many others are in your same agonizing place. Ask for help and understanding. Support and love are yours for the taking.

With much care, love and prayer,
Sandi

You have the right to be teary
Hi and good morning, because it is always good when we are able to say I love you to the ones we love. I am an 11 year stageIV colon cancer survivor. My 3 boys were 4, 7, and 10 when I was diagnosed. I had a right hemi-colectomy with a grapefruit sized mass, cancerous and 19 of the 32 lymphnodes were positive. I want you to try to live for today, just as your husband because we can fill our lives with what ifs forever, and get no where except, upset, lost and angry. I had my husband use the video camera for everything even the boys playing on the living room floor. The days I felt like it, I layed in the floor too, because that is all I could handle for that day. But it's on film and it makes memories with my children. My father passed away at an early age with a heart attack. But my boys to this day play family videos and laugh and love everything there Papa did. You can keep a journal for your husband or offer him a pen and notebook just for thoughts. Sometimes jotting them down, reading them and tossing them in the trash helps clear your head. You have the right, as your spouse to be angry, confused, sad, mad, anxious everything that comes with this hideous disease. But only you have control, to not let it control you. Make the best of everyday, and quit saying I should have, could have or I am going to miss. Because its not over tell its over and there is plenty of time to Party when the outcome is good and plenty of time to grieve, if your higher power chooses. I know its hard to be upright all the time. I chose my shower or bath time to lose it, and it felt great I didn't have to hold strong in front of anyone, it was fantastic release. My thoughts and prayers are with you, those babies need you, as does your spouse, your friends and family. Use them to help carry you thru this ordeal. Goofyladie (Cass)

usakat said:

Hello Zig's Wife...
I'm so sorry you're going through this....so sorry any of us has to. Gives me reason to keep up the hope for greater treatments and hopeful for a cure someday.

While I can't know exactly what you're feeling since I don't have children (cancer took that option from me), I can relate to how dang scary the cancer experience is. You wouldn't be human if you were not scared and not working through the never ending "what if" thoughts that are running around your brain and your heart. It's okay to let yourself move through the tough emotions and it's okay to cry.

Having been on both sides of the cancer battle - a caregiver and a survivor - I can tell you this, your husband knows you're scared and knows you're hurting for him. He knows.... It's okay to let your defenses down, but be mindful that he can't just fix this, and neither can you. So best bet is to let each other be there for the other while you go through all the ups and downs of life with cancer. I like that idea of going to support groups together...would be good for both of you.

And most of all remember this:
Yesterday is history, the future is a mystery, and today is the present - a gift. Each and everyday is a gift - LIVE for today, not in fear of tomorrow.

I will keep your husband, YOU and your family in my thoughts and prayers....

Katie

Staying positive...
Hello:

I confess that I've been a basket case from time to time since my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2006. Lots of tears. Lots of anxiety. Lots of fears. Lots of baggage. It seems to go with the territory. You are not alone in your emotional meltdown.

Like your husband, my husband was plagued with abscesses after his initial surgery. Abscesses can be the result of a complication from the original surgery and, as such, may not be the result of a cancer recurrence. I certainly hope that is the case for your husband. As it turned out for my husband, however, it was indeed a tumor (we think it was part of the original tumor that was not removed by his less-than-ept original surgeon).

That was the bad news.

The good news is that my husband had a subsequent surgery and his most recent CT scan showed no evidence of disease. He looks good. He feels good. He is happy. Life is good.

I'm writing you this note to let you know that many people survive this disease, make tremendous progress after treatment, and go on to enjoy their lives and embrace their children. It is certainly my wish that that will be the case for you, your husband and your children.

Hatshepsut

grandmafay said:

Pain
I too am sorry that you are going through this at such a young age and with small children. My husband is a 6 year caner survivor, but our children are grown with children of their own. We all develop defense systems to help us get through the bad days. On days when I am really down I remember the footprints in the sand story and say, "OK, Jesus today you get to carry my burdens. Tomorrow I'll be able to cope, but today I can't deal with everything." That helps me. Just remember, we don't know what's in the pipeline or the future of cancer care. It has come a long way in just the 6 years we have been in this fight. We want to buy as much time as possible but enjoy the time you have. I also think it is important to share your feelings with your husband. He's scared,too. We all are, but we need to keep making memories. In the last 6 years we have had a new granddaughter born, saw both of our sons move up in their careers, taken our two older granddaughters on three great vacations, been to Hawaii, bought a moterhome, vacationed with the whole family in Disneyland, and countless other things.

Message to zigswife
What I have started to do is put every event down on a DVD for my kids. Cody 15, Alexandria 12 and Hunter 3. I went down and bought a chep DYD recorder and started to tape messages to my kids then burn them onto a DVD. I do this when they are at school. I working on of for every event for each child. Things like... First date, High school grad. Prom, First real boyfriend, Brithdays, Marrage... EVERYTHING at EVERY moment that a daughter or son needs their dads advice. This lets me be there as part as their life FOREVER even though I might be gone. It's kinda a gift from me to them. Then if I make it I might just hang on the DVDs and give them to the kids when they grow up or something.

zigswife said:

Thank you everyone.
Thank you everyone. Yesterday hit me out of nowhere after meeting with the young widow and knowing her children are too young to have a lot of memories of their father. My good ol' defenses are gearing back up again today and I'm ready to start taking everything back on again!

You GO, Zig
The Ups and
You GO, Zig

The Ups and Downs of the Journey, huh?

Continued best to you!

-Craig