Still awake

cant sleep so sharing a poem i wrote

Dear Heavenly Father
hello it is me
I hope that i am not a bother
I just need you to help me feel free

I wish we could talk to each other
you know, be in the same room
By the way lord, thank you for my mother
you matched us well, she chases away my gloom

Oh Dear Heavenly Father
Everyone, they always say
You never feel us to be a bother
and you want us to lead the right way

Oh Dear Heavenly Father
How i have to ask thee
Why do i feel like i just wonder
Why all this has to be

They say you dont give to us
anything that we cant handle
So why do i feel like im going to bust
Like my life is just a big gamble

I know that ive been stupid
I know the mistakes i have made
I know the wrong that i did
I know the past i cannot trade

But look at all the bad that has become
That most dont see in ten lives
How do you think that I can win
With bad after bad going on in my life

I just wish I had an answer
for all the tests you've given me
And now I have this cancer
Why god, did this happen to me

Is all the bad a punishment
or am i just someone special
I cant help but feel anger and resentment
And my mind just wont settle

Im sorry if you might think
that my heart is somewhere else
But know that with my every blink
My souls with no one else

I know i dont say it often enough
How grateful i am for you
I just wish for only once
I didnt have to feel so blue

I want to soon hopefully understand
the purpose you have for me
the reasons for my lifes commands
And why i cant just be free

Please Heavenly father can i have an answer
for all of my sorrow
I could put the time down in my planner
PS could you please answer by tomorrow.