Living alone with cancer

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  • hollyberry
    hollyberry Member Posts: 173
    #22
    RE said:

    My deepest condolences
    I am so very sorry for your loss, I know that friends like Tanya are rare and a true jewel. I too had bunch of "friends", cancer weeds them out and you are left with the true blue ones, it is just the way that it is. I am glad you had someone like Tanya in your life to give you such love and support. It is however true that you were lucky to have her and I speak from experience, you see my Mom was my best bud and she too was a breast cancer survivor. The other person I had in my corner to help me through breast cancer was my eldest sister who had breast cancer and pancreatic cancer. I assisted with the care giving/love giving of both and now they are gone. I do miss them tremendously, but I am grateful to have had them in my life. My sister died while my hair was still growing back from my chemo as did my mom. I talked to my mom each night and my sister was unique and certainly not replaceable.

    I do have a husband who is wonderfully supportive, that however does not replace my mother or my sister who I will miss for the rest of my days on this earth. I could choose to be sad and unravel or I could do my best to live a life with as much zest as I can muster in their honor. I do not want people to see me as RE the breast cancer girl, I want them to see me as RE the gal who lives life to its fullest and just happens to have breast cancer.

    Now you mention your alone so I wish to extend an invitation to the breast cancer board on this site since you are a breast cancer survivor. If you choose to go there and introduce yourself you will find a host of some of the most wonderful, caring and supportive people you can imagine. If you keep coming there you will begin to feel less alone as they are such a loving group. I hope to see you there.

    image

    RE

    We are so much more than the sum of our parts..
    RE,
    You are sooo right!! I have never viewed you as the breast cancer girl or Joe as the head and neck cancer guy or myself as the melanoma girl. We are a loving, caring, supportive family that probably get along better than any family that I know!
    Strawgirl, we may not be able to fly in to comfort you like your friend Tanya, but, we will be here to lend a shoulder to cry on and a pat on the back for encouragement. We are here for you and you can count on us. It is my mission to help any cancer survivor that I can; I have been blessed with a partial remission and hope to spend that time , not only with my family, but with my online family, as well. Believe me when I tell you- I CARE!!!
    You may not be able to control your immediate circumstances as well as you'd like, but you can come here and find friendship and comfort in abundance. Please know that we truly do care and will help in any way that we can. If you need to vent, we're here to listen; if you need to share a victory, we're here to applaud. Just don't give up! Life is too precious to spend it feeling so alone when you don't have to be. Our hearts are open- please feel free to talk to any of us anytime you need to; we're more than happy to be of assistance. We've all "been there" , feeling alone, isolated and thinking no one understands us. Then we found this site; what a Godsend it is!
    Hang in there and know that you are never alone!
    With much love,
    Hollyberry
  • ambientbeats
    ambientbeats Member Posts: 14
    #23
    hollyberry said:

    We are so much more than the sum of our parts..
    RE,
    You are sooo right!! I have never viewed you as the breast cancer girl or Joe as the head and neck cancer guy or myself as the melanoma girl. We are a loving, caring, supportive family that probably get along better than any family that I know!
    Strawgirl, we may not be able to fly in to comfort you like your friend Tanya, but, we will be here to lend a shoulder to cry on and a pat on the back for encouragement. We are here for you and you can count on us. It is my mission to help any cancer survivor that I can; I have been blessed with a partial remission and hope to spend that time , not only with my family, but with my online family, as well. Believe me when I tell you- I CARE!!!
    You may not be able to control your immediate circumstances as well as you'd like, but you can come here and find friendship and comfort in abundance. Please know that we truly do care and will help in any way that we can. If you need to vent, we're here to listen; if you need to share a victory, we're here to applaud. Just don't give up! Life is too precious to spend it feeling so alone when you don't have to be. Our hearts are open- please feel free to talk to any of us anytime you need to; we're more than happy to be of assistance. We've all "been there" , feeling alone, isolated and thinking no one understands us. Then we found this site; what a Godsend it is!
    Hang in there and know that you are never alone!
    With much love,
    Hollyberry

    AMEN!
    I'm new to the site, but thankd goodness I found it. Hang in there, Srawgirl! If you need a listening ear, please do avail of this. Distance doesn't mean anything nowadays. I understnad the importance of physical presence sometimes, but I've found the psychic (and I mean that in the best way) presence can be just as strong. My two best friends live on eithe rside of me (one in NYC and one in Portland), but I feel their support more sometimes, than those who live in the same house with me. So, I'm here and we're here. Process it through. It sounds trite, but you're really not alone. I do understand the loneliness though. But, you've done the right thing in seeking "kindred spirit" here. I certainly have.

    bless you,
    c
  • mauveb2k
    mauveb2k Member Posts: 11
    #24
    ambientbeats said:

    AMEN!
    I'm new to the site, but thankd goodness I found it. Hang in there, Srawgirl! If you need a listening ear, please do avail of this. Distance doesn't mean anything nowadays. I understnad the importance of physical presence sometimes, but I've found the psychic (and I mean that in the best way) presence can be just as strong. My two best friends live on eithe rside of me (one in NYC and one in Portland), but I feel their support more sometimes, than those who live in the same house with me. So, I'm here and we're here. Process it through. It sounds trite, but you're really not alone. I do understand the loneliness though. But, you've done the right thing in seeking "kindred spirit" here. I certainly have.

    bless you,
    c

    alone thru the fight
    me too am alone fighting this battle, i'd appreciate having support in any form
    hang in tight and god bless
  • tiny one
    tiny one Member Posts: 465 Member
    #25
    still dealing with bad days
    I'm one of the lucky ones in that my husband has been very supportive of me from the beginning. He didn't even bat an eye when I woke up with an ostomy bag. I occasionally have bad days when I'm in pain and have mental pain. On these days I feel alone, even though he's with me. He doesn't know how to help me and I have trouble expressing what I need. Sometimes on these days I want the old me back and I mourn the loss of how my body use to be. You really do find out who your friends are when you fight cancer or an illness. Most people don't realize once your a survivor it's always somehow a part of your life. Also sometimes there are issues from our past that we need to address. Unanswered questions of what have been. People that we need to see and haven't seen for awhile.
  • soccerfreaks
    soccerfreaks Member Posts: 2,788 Member
    #26
    tiny one said:

    still dealing with bad days
    I'm one of the lucky ones in that my husband has been very supportive of me from the beginning. He didn't even bat an eye when I woke up with an ostomy bag. I occasionally have bad days when I'm in pain and have mental pain. On these days I feel alone, even though he's with me. He doesn't know how to help me and I have trouble expressing what I need. Sometimes on these days I want the old me back and I mourn the loss of how my body use to be. You really do find out who your friends are when you fight cancer or an illness. Most people don't realize once your a survivor it's always somehow a part of your life. Also sometimes there are issues from our past that we need to address. Unanswered questions of what have been. People that we need to see and haven't seen for awhile.

    Chat room
    Mauve, strawgirl, tiny one, whomever, let me advise that if you overlooked Blueroses' suggestion about checking out the Chat Room on this site, you have another look at that possibility.

    While the discussion board and other areas of this site do a great job of providing valuable services to us, the Chat Room is immediate: people are there (hopefully, and, when it is working :)) to exchange thoughts and information with you NOW.

    Not so surprisingly, once you get used to the idea, much of the discussion is not about cancer at all, but life's issues and events. There is much talk of food for some odd reason, and a lot of joking and bantering, talk of children and parents and grandchildren and husbands and wives: LIFE.

    And, Mauve, all that was said for strawgirl above applies to you as well, of course. We are indeed here for you.

    Take care, folks, and enjoy the day!

    Joe
  • bluerose
    bluerose Member Posts: 1,104
    #27
    Strawgirl said:

    I lost my best friend
    I lost my closest and dearest friend two weeks ago (Tanya). She was diagnosed last October with the exact cancer I am dealing with right now! We knew she didn't have long but we were hoping for another year. She was my angel, when I got hit by the truck her and hubby cancelled their holiday and came to Winnipeg, they came up to the hospital everyday for two weeks. When I was going through the chemo for ovarian cancer she came to give my mother a break from taking care of me. The one that sticks in my mind even more is the day I was told about the breast cancer and that I needed to have a mastectomy, she called from BC and said "be at the airport tomorrow at 3:15. We talked every Sunday and often during the week. Please don't tell me I was lucky to have her friendship and that should help me through this, that’s what people are telling me at work. I can't understand how they think that should help me through this. I used to have lots of friends before I got sick, and every time I got another illness more friends drifted away. Tanya was the one who came to my side for over 30 yrs.

    When I say alone, I am not just talking about a husband.

    Did you say Winnipeg?
    I'm not sure I read that right but did you say you are from Winnipeg? I was born there and lived there most of my young life. Gotta love those mosquitoes eh? lol.

    On a more somber note I am so sorry to hear about losing your friend and hope that by the time you get this response to your postings you have gotten yourself another pet, like I said before I can't tell you how much my two cats have meant to me - so much more healing than I'm sure 3/4 of my medications.

    I too am alone and worrying right now about a possible new cancer but so far the doctors are optimistic so I am trying to be too. Please keep using the boards, and the chatroom if you feel like more immediate input, sometimes it takes awhile for people to come into the chatroom especially during the day but if you wait I'm sure someone will be in to chat with you.

    Remember that you really aren't alone when you have this site. You have the boards to vent on and to add support to others when you can, it's a wonderful place and you have heard already I see from many of the most sincere and supportive members around.

    All the best and talk to you soon. Blessings, Bluerose
  • Strawgirl
    Strawgirl Member Posts: 9
    #28
    bluerose said:

    Did you say Winnipeg?
    I'm not sure I read that right but did you say you are from Winnipeg? I was born there and lived there most of my young life. Gotta love those mosquitoes eh? lol.

    On a more somber note I am so sorry to hear about losing your friend and hope that by the time you get this response to your postings you have gotten yourself another pet, like I said before I can't tell you how much my two cats have meant to me - so much more healing than I'm sure 3/4 of my medications.

    I too am alone and worrying right now about a possible new cancer but so far the doctors are optimistic so I am trying to be too. Please keep using the boards, and the chatroom if you feel like more immediate input, sometimes it takes awhile for people to come into the chatroom especially during the day but if you wait I'm sure someone will be in to chat with you.

    Remember that you really aren't alone when you have this site. You have the boards to vent on and to add support to others when you can, it's a wonderful place and you have heard already I see from many of the most sincere and supportive members around.

    All the best and talk to you soon. Blessings, Bluerose

    Blue Winnipeg is right
    I live just west of Winnipeg, I work in Elie about 5 mins from my home.

    What part of Wpg are you from. I was a North End girl, West Kildonan mostly. Are you still in Can?

    I did get myself a little girl (yorkshire terrier). Because I work at a Marine & ATV dealership Suzuki Outboards and ATVs I named her Zuki.....I thought it was cute. I will take some pictures and post them.

    I'm very sorry you also are alone in this battle. I have been fighting alone since 1991 and very tired of it.

    I will keep my fingers,crossed that your news from the Docs, will be good news.

    Hope you don't mind I added you to my friends list
  • bluerose
    bluerose Member Posts: 1,104
    #29
    tasha_111 said:

    Strawgirl
    I think I would have been better off alone than what I had to carry. Hy husband was a complete tosser, he just didn't GET IT! Every chemo, he took me to the hospital (Usually after us sleeping apart after some horrible row) dropped me off there, moaned about how long it took. AND Charged me for the lift!... then he moaned all the way home about just how inconvenient it was for him. For Radiation, i enlisted the help of the Canadian Cancer Society, he never had to take me once, He still moaned that I was out most of the day and not much use with the housework.
    He even walked out on me for over a week when I was halfway through chemo. Then the day I finished radiation he laced into me about "When are you going to get a JOB?"

    Hey... Think yourself lucky, you at least have good friends.

    Good Luck. Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Karma Tasha Karma
    Don't worry Tasha I know that Karma will take 'good' care of your ex. lol. Muah - ha - ha. lol.
    Let's hear it for karma. HE CHARGED YOU FOR A RIDE TO CHEMO? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. The Canadian Cancer Society was very good with rides to and from treatments for me and not only that but you got to talk to the volunteer drivers who often were survivors themselves. I found my trips made so much easier by chatting with them, they knew what we were going through. Yup, you certainly are better off on your own by the sounds of your ex. A pox on his butt, and other parts too. hee hee hee. Take care kiddo. Bluerose
  • MimiWay
    MimiWay Member Posts: 1
    #30
    Starting chemo next week

    Hi all. On August 21 I was diagnosed with colon cancer. I had a resection and lymph node dissection. The cancer was in a lymph node and is in my vascular system. I start chemo on October3. I have also lost my job. for missing too many days, however, heres a kicker, my partner spent some time with my boss when I was in the hospital and my partner thinks there is "something: there. I have asked her to move out. Is this really how it happens? The boss says its not personal. LOL

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