What do we do now? Totally overwhelmed

raj007
raj007 Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
This is my first post, and I can say that just reading through the board, I take much comfort knowing we are not the only family going through this (and then I get mad... why are so many people suffering this? Motivates to help create better solutions!).

At any rate, my mother was happy and healthy - so we thought - until early July. Lung cancer. Then Lung cancer in her spine. Surgery to remove tumor -- should be walking in a few months. Then a PET scan. Then a pulmonary embolism. Then full time rehab for a few weeks. Then fluid on the lungs, back to the hospital. Now, start of chemo while in hospital, though her performance status is low because of the back surgery and cancer in her spine. Aggressive growth in her body - lungs, a few spots just popped up on her liver, throughout her spine, and a few other bones (none weight bearing).

And today, we're told she will be discharged as soon as tomorrow. She is bed-bound, chemo seems to already be affecting her continence, and I don't know what to do. I'm going to need help: lots of it. Family is arguing about where she should be but we all feel we have no other choice but for me to bring her home with such short notice. I'm scrambling to get bed, etc., but I need to know if you have any suggestions to find good nursing/care support. Social workers at hospital not helpful, aside from giving us phone book size listings.

Thank you in advance for any counsel you can share.

Comments

  • sue Siwek
    sue Siwek Member Posts: 279
    #2
    to begin with, gather your
    to begin with, gather your siblings and tell them that all of you must pull together. make a schedule. if your mother is living with you then the others must bring meals and relieve you. the schedule will tell all when and what they are expected and counted on to provide. also a complete chart of medications amounts and times to give.if social workers and the hospital is not helpful call hospice care. let your siblings know that if they are not willing to help with her care then if insurance doesn't pay for it that they will be responsible for their share. you can do this without offending and make them feel involved with their mothers care. let them know that it is not negotiable. that it is for your good as well as theirs. tell them that you do not want to have any regrets and you do not want them to have any either. lost my parents 20 yrs. ago, 6 months apart. my father suddenly and my mother to cancer 6 mo. later. came from a very large family and we all helped care for our wonderful mother who gave us life. keep posting.
  • Barbara53
    Barbara53 Member Posts: 652
    #3
    Hospice will help a lot
    My dad went down very fast, but the hospice agency we called moved just as quickly. They will certify your mother and then take over a lot of the details, and get you and your mother the help you will need. She sounds very sick, and deserving of some peace.

    In many cities there are also hospice centers where dying people can go for their last weeks.

    You probably got a long list of hospice agencies, which are businesses that compete with each other. I'd call a couple close to your home and choose who you like best.

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