is it possible to "prepare yourself"

lisanoel03
lisanoel03 Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
My mom is nearing the end of her 3rd battle with cancer. Unfortunately despite her 2 previous victories, she's will lose this war.
My mom is amazingly strong so on one hand its almost impossible to fathom that the end could be so near. But as I've seen a shift in her recently, I am sort of forced to bring those thoughts from the back of my mind to the front.
I lost my Grandma to a missed brain tumor almost 4 years ago now but her healthy had deteriorated a lot before the correct Dx was given so it was more of a painstaking wait for her to be released from her suffering.
As much as I know my mom is not feeling well, it is simply too much for me to even consider begining to pray for her release of pain at this point. It's a very different path. I'm just trying to figure out what I need to be doing? I try to spend more time with her. But as I have three YOUNG boys at home I simply can't be there all the time. That would greatly upset her, if she felt I was neglecting "her boys." I guess she has starting the wheels moving for plans for her funeral and is going to be asking me about doing a reading. (my stepdad told me this today) And I'm just struggling with this. I think I'm sort of in denial and not sure how to step out of it.

Comments

  • Jenlbv
    Jenlbv Member Posts: 3
    #2
    I don't have any answers but
    I don't have any answers but just wanted to tell you that I read your post and I can empathize with what you wrote.

    Grace and peace to you during this struggle.
    Jennifer
  • Pitapocket
    Pitapocket Member Posts: 16
    #3
    I think you can sort of
    I think you can sort of prepare, but not completely. Because, even though you know its coming, when it actually happens, you don't feel ready. Just start thinking about it. Take one moment at a time. If she asks you to speak at her funeral, honor it. Maybe start writing a little bit now. That could be a way to begin preparing yourself. You will be in my prayers. Take care
  • sue Siwek
    sue Siwek Member Posts: 279
    #4
    lost my mom to cancer nearly
    lost my mom to cancer nearly 20yrs. ago, you cannot possible prepare for it. i had at the time 4 boys from teenage to grade school. i arranged at least 1 day and night of the week to spend with her. enlist your husband or friends to help care for your children while you have private time with your mom you will never regret it. also, allow your children and mom to say good bye one last time. i did that and it was so hard but she hugged them and they remember that. for the children make it a very short visit because it will be a hard one for all. then i would let your mom lead. she knows what she wants you are to get it for her. i.e., pain meds, visitors if she wishes and if she is religious arrange for a visit from a priest, minister or rabbi. and for you, just love her for as long as you have her.
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #5
    lisa,
    regardless of whether your mother lives a few more months or a few more years, it will always be 'too soon' to loose her. So, in a sense, all we can do is try to live in the here and now and trust that we will have the strength to deal with tomorrow when it comes.
    Having said that, I should also say that we must try to live each day as though we KNOW it will be the last we will share with our loved one.
    Finding a balance between the two attitudes is not easy. But to whatever extent we can enjoy the present and also acknowledge the reality that the future will not be all we wish it to be, we can find the strength and courage to do a credible job of whatever is required of us.
    God bless.
  • seanslove
    seanslove Member Posts: 70
    #6
    no way to prepare
    Oh Lisanoel03,it doesn't matter how hard you try,when the end comes,there is never a way to prepare. Of course you can take care of all the outside needs:the funeral,the burriel,and so on,however,mentally it will not happen. I lost my husband last Wed night,we were lucky enough to get him home before he passed. He was home for less than two hours when he had his second in 48 hours breathing attack;this one put him in a coma which he never awoke from. There was a nurse at his side when it happened and the pain I am in now from watching him ask for help,when there was no help left to be offered will haunt me the rest of my life.
    I spent the last two weeks of his life glued to his side 24/7 and the last two month never away more than a few hours at a time. I all but quite work and we both had our lives brought to a hault by this horrific thing they nicely call cancer. I say nicely,as the word sounds better than the acutal reality of what the individual with it goes through. It really should have an uglier name.
    I can honeslty say I will never regret a moment I had with Sean,some were happy,some were sad,and some just were but in all they were our moments and now they are gone. All I can say,is when you know the end is close,stay as close as you can,I know Sean appriacted me being there and our love grew leaps and bonds over the last couple of months. Our love was always strong,but over the last couple of months the feeling,for me anyway made when he passed,me unable to breath from the loss of him.

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