House of cards....crashing down

Nicole Holm
Nicole Holm Member Posts: 18
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I believe I have entered of realm of now giving a ****. I am tired, stressed and well cranky. I have busted my butt for the last week and half trying to get as much help as possible lined up for when I go to surgery next week. My friend bailed on watching the kids, I got the run around on childcare assistance only to find the director through a fluke who also has a niece just entering chemo who said she can help me. :) God is helping me! I filled out tons of paperwork for EFMP, then for temperary disability to then find out that it only covers you if you are disabled for 12 months or longer, sorry, but I don't plan on being out that long.
I was supposed to take a trip to the beach with my friends this weekend so get away, but with all the expenses of trips to Dr's we are broke and I probably won't be able to go...and my suitcase was already packed.
My parents are coming down Monday to help with the kids, THANK YOU! My husband is more than likely going to be deployed and my sister wants me to move in with here while I am in sick...which is in ID, I am in GA, and have 2 horses, 3 dogs, 1 cat, and oh Yeah, 3 little boys...tell me that would be a fun trip post op.
Someone just tell me this isn't real, tell me its a dream and I will wake up soon, tell me anything to make is all go away. I can feel myself unraveling @ the edges...

Nicole

Comments

  • m_azingrace
    m_azingrace Member Posts: 399
    #2
    So sorry you are going through this
    Things have changed a lot since my husband was in the military [1966-69], but at that time a situation such as this would have qualified him for a hardship deferrment to remain at home with his family. Is that not a possibility now? Not all service personnel know about this [although some do know, and find it easier to be gone than to deal with a sick family member]. Honestly, I do not know what to say that will help. Just please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Gracie
  • chickad52
    chickad52 Member Posts: 497
    #3
    Nicole
    I know when things are happening all at the same time and I feel so overwhelmed, for some reason it all works out in the end. And I know it will for you. Keep your faith up and I'm sure that God is helping you. It sounds like you have a very loving and helpful family. You are very fortunate to have that. I have days where I am tired,stressed and cranky also. I think we all have them. Sometimes I wonder if it's the medicine I'm on for the chemo that cuases it! I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs, Diane
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #4
    chickad52 said:

    Nicole
    I know when things are happening all at the same time and I feel so overwhelmed, for some reason it all works out in the end. And I know it will for you. Keep your faith up and I'm sure that God is helping you. It sounds like you have a very loving and helpful family. You are very fortunate to have that. I have days where I am tired,stressed and cranky also. I think we all have them. Sometimes I wonder if it's the medicine I'm on for the chemo that cuases it! I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs, Diane

    Nicole...
    So sorry you are going through all this malachi. It's really not fair. BUT, you will do it, and when you come out of the other side of it, hell, you'll realise just how strong you are........Like one of the ladies in here said to me when I was going through hell..........."Women are like Tea Bags, you never know how strong they can be until you put them in hot water"....LOL It's true..... Sending huge hugs your way Jxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Nicole Holm
    Nicole Holm Member Posts: 18
    #5
    Thanks guys! as for hardship
    Thanks guys! as for hardship deferrment, who knows. tims in a combat unit of about 4500 people and they seem to operate on their own set of rules. He talked to the S1 today, and he said he was working on...so who knows. I think part of it is realizing that in less than a week i will be incapacited, weak, tired, cranky, sore, and not myself. I don't do well when things are out of my control, and leaving it all to someone else to deal with stresses me out. i know everyone is here to help me, but I still have that feeling of needing to play hostess....
    My patients is gone, I am just losing my marbles which also makes me cranky. I dealt with my hubby's deplyments by staying mad most of the time, it was easier than dealing with all the other feellings that bombard me.
    Dinner time!
    Nicole
  • outdoorgirl
    outdoorgirl Member Posts: 1,565
    #6
    Nicole Holm said:

    Thanks guys! as for hardship
    Thanks guys! as for hardship deferrment, who knows. tims in a combat unit of about 4500 people and they seem to operate on their own set of rules. He talked to the S1 today, and he said he was working on...so who knows. I think part of it is realizing that in less than a week i will be incapacited, weak, tired, cranky, sore, and not myself. I don't do well when things are out of my control, and leaving it all to someone else to deal with stresses me out. i know everyone is here to help me, but I still have that feeling of needing to play hostess....
    My patients is gone, I am just losing my marbles which also makes me cranky. I dealt with my hubby's deplyments by staying mad most of the time, it was easier than dealing with all the other feellings that bombard me.
    Dinner time!
    Nicole

    I know
    what you mean about playing hostess,but this time you won't be able to! This is the time to remind any one who said they would help-especially with 3 little boys and all of your animals! Do you guys attend church anywhere? If so,let them know about what you are going to go through.
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #7
    outdoorgirl said:

    I know
    what you mean about playing hostess,but this time you won't be able to! This is the time to remind any one who said they would help-especially with 3 little boys and all of your animals! Do you guys attend church anywhere? If so,let them know about what you are going to go through.

    Sorry you have a lot on you
    Sorry you have a lot on you right now. Reach out for help, there are people out there willing to help you just need to ask. You always have us to. Hugs
  • lanie940
    lanie940 Member Posts: 490 Member
    #8
    Nicole Holm said:

    Thanks guys! as for hardship
    Thanks guys! as for hardship deferrment, who knows. tims in a combat unit of about 4500 people and they seem to operate on their own set of rules. He talked to the S1 today, and he said he was working on...so who knows. I think part of it is realizing that in less than a week i will be incapacited, weak, tired, cranky, sore, and not myself. I don't do well when things are out of my control, and leaving it all to someone else to deal with stresses me out. i know everyone is here to help me, but I still have that feeling of needing to play hostess....
    My patients is gone, I am just losing my marbles which also makes me cranky. I dealt with my hubby's deplyments by staying mad most of the time, it was easier than dealing with all the other feellings that bombard me.
    Dinner time!
    Nicole

    I was talking with a friend
    I was talking with a friend of mine today. She live in a suburb of Chicago, actually, I met her on line, but not in person yet,LOL. Anyway she has been my strenght with my BC. She was telling me about this woman she met whn she was out shopping, this woman had a double mast about a month ago with immediate reconstruction(TRAM flap) and she was aying how great she was feeling. I pray and hope it goes well for you,hon. I will be on vacation in Disney world with my family on the day of your surgery, but I know my BC cyber sisters will be on my mind at least some of the time. You try to forget you have the beast, but you just can't ever completely out of your mind. So, I pray it goes well for you and your DH can get his deployment deferred for awhile.
  • ritazimm
    ritazimm Member Posts: 171
    #9
    Nicole
    I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this at once. It is mind boggling and you have every reason to be unraveling! But............as hard as this is, you are strong and you will make it through it. Try to just deal with 1 issue at a time and take one moment at a time. Somehow things will work out and start to fall into place. I will be praying for strength for you, answers to the dilemmas and peace of mind for you and your family.

    God Bless You!
    Rita
  • mlmjt1
    mlmjt1 Member Posts: 537 Member
    #10
    HI Nicole
    I just cant imagine having to go thru all of this with 3 small children...I am just hoping and praying that your husbands deployment can be deferred even 6 months would help.

    I do agree with everyone that you have to take 1 moment at a time. If you look too far ahead it just may freak you out.

    Hang in there and I am sending hugs your way

    Linda T
  • lolad
    lolad Member Posts: 670
    #11
    mlmjt1 said:

    HI Nicole
    I just cant imagine having to go thru all of this with 3 small children...I am just hoping and praying that your husbands deployment can be deferred even 6 months would help.

    I do agree with everyone that you have to take 1 moment at a time. If you look too far ahead it just may freak you out.

    Hang in there and I am sending hugs your way

    Linda T

    Nicole
    Sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now. I know how tough it is with three kids because i have three and have been on my own with mine for nine years now. You will be surprised at how they can bring your spirits up on a down day though. I know everything is so overwhelming for you right now. Im sorry that your husband has to leave especially at a time like this. I hope they will let him stay with you, that would be awesome. You have a lot on your plate. Try to hang in there and let us know how you are doing and how things go with your surgery. When your parents come in, let them take care of you and enjoy all the help you can get. Take care

    laura
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #12
    House of Cards ..
    Nichole,

    3 boys, a husband being deployed .. fighting breast cancer, wow you're plate is full. I am sorry that I can not provide you with a magic wane, and make it all better. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger -- BS!. I think a man came up with that saying.

    The only advise I can offer, silly as it sounds ..

    (1)Take a deep breathe, close your eyes and pray.
    (2)Lock yourself in a bathroom, scream and cry.
    (3)Repeat as often as necessary, until you have a good LAUGH.

    Everything will work out in GOD's plan, not ours.

    Vicki
  • aurora2009
    aurora2009 Member Posts: 544 Member
    #13
    VickiSam said:

    House of Cards ..
    Nichole,

    3 boys, a husband being deployed .. fighting breast cancer, wow you're plate is full. I am sorry that I can not provide you with a magic wane, and make it all better. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger -- BS!. I think a man came up with that saying.

    The only advise I can offer, silly as it sounds ..

    (1)Take a deep breathe, close your eyes and pray.
    (2)Lock yourself in a bathroom, scream and cry.
    (3)Repeat as often as necessary, until you have a good LAUGH.

    Everything will work out in GOD's plan, not ours.

    Vicki

    Nicole
    I have to agree with VickiSam.

    Just rtake a step back and breathe! You have to take this journey one step at a time. I know you want to have it all planned out and in your control. I've always run my home too and feel the same way, but nows the time to let others around you help, and just breathe.

    You really do have your plate full, with 3 kids, animals, and a husband that's beening deployed, and BC, but it will all work out, and we're here when ever you need to vent.

    I'll be praying for yo that you husband get stay, I know you would be so much more at ease with just that one thing going your way.

    Good Luck and God Bless You

    Aurora
  • taleena
    taleena Member Posts: 1,612 Member
    #14
    aurora2009 said:

    Nicole
    I have to agree with VickiSam.

    Just rtake a step back and breathe! You have to take this journey one step at a time. I know you want to have it all planned out and in your control. I've always run my home too and feel the same way, but nows the time to let others around you help, and just breathe.

    You really do have your plate full, with 3 kids, animals, and a husband that's beening deployed, and BC, but it will all work out, and we're here when ever you need to vent.

    I'll be praying for yo that you husband get stay, I know you would be so much more at ease with just that one thing going your way.

    Good Luck and God Bless You

    Aurora

    Nicole... I just want you to
    Nicole... I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts... things will come full circle in the end and work out in a way that you never thought posible... in the mean time the not knowing and the stress of "all of it" can and does drive you crazy. Just try dealing with it one thing at a time...sooner or later each item will be deal with and you can rest easy focusing on the most important thing, you and your recovery.

    Hang in there sweety! We are here for you!

    ♥ & hugs,

    ~T
  • Calleen
    Calleen Member Posts: 411
    #15
    taleena said:

    Nicole... I just want you to
    Nicole... I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts... things will come full circle in the end and work out in a way that you never thought posible... in the mean time the not knowing and the stress of "all of it" can and does drive you crazy. Just try dealing with it one thing at a time...sooner or later each item will be deal with and you can rest easy focusing on the most important thing, you and your recovery.

    Hang in there sweety! We are here for you!

    ♥ & hugs,

    ~T

    Your Family
    Will be here very soon and when they get there let them help you!! YOu might even realize you like being pampered!! I am a control freak with my self too.. but I had to give all that up so I could concetrate on me.. Things do have a way of working out!!!
    Also can you contact the base commander about your plight?? There's got to be a way to keep your Husband here!!

    By the way I was pretty much back on my feet in a week 1/2...Moving slowly at that point but up doing little things.. now it's 3 weeks and I'm doing really good!!
    going shopping, driving, cleaning... You'll be fine!!!

    Keep us informed!! Let us know how your feeling today!!!

    HUZ... Calleen...
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    #16
    Nicole Holm said:

    Thanks guys! as for hardship
    Thanks guys! as for hardship deferrment, who knows. tims in a combat unit of about 4500 people and they seem to operate on their own set of rules. He talked to the S1 today, and he said he was working on...so who knows. I think part of it is realizing that in less than a week i will be incapacited, weak, tired, cranky, sore, and not myself. I don't do well when things are out of my control, and leaving it all to someone else to deal with stresses me out. i know everyone is here to help me, but I still have that feeling of needing to play hostess....
    My patients is gone, I am just losing my marbles which also makes me cranky. I dealt with my hubby's deplyments by staying mad most of the time, it was easier than dealing with all the other feellings that bombard me.
    Dinner time!
    Nicole

    Nicole, my heart goes out to
    Nicole, my heart goes out to you. When you say,"I don't do well when things are out of my control, and leaving it all to someone else to deal with stresses me out. i know everyone is here to help me, but I still have that feeling of needing to play hostess...." you don't know how many times that has been said on this forum in one way or another. Seems like this is a common lesson for us gals..........to let go and let others help us. I don't know how much control we had anyways after all if you had control would you have given yourself bc?? Absolutely not! That in itself lets us know we aren't as much in control as we thought we were esp for those of us that were already using preventative measures to prevent bc while being genetically clean of cancer (no ancestors having it).

    Try to find ways to let others care for you. It makes them feel like they're helping and not helpless while a loved one goes through this. I wish you all the best and hope it all works out for the best.

    hugs
    jan
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #17
    Calleen said:

    Your Family
    Will be here very soon and when they get there let them help you!! YOu might even realize you like being pampered!! I am a control freak with my self too.. but I had to give all that up so I could concetrate on me.. Things do have a way of working out!!!
    Also can you contact the base commander about your plight?? There's got to be a way to keep your Husband here!!

    By the way I was pretty much back on my feet in a week 1/2...Moving slowly at that point but up doing little things.. now it's 3 weeks and I'm doing really good!!
    going shopping, driving, cleaning... You'll be fine!!!

    Keep us informed!! Let us know how your feeling today!!!

    HUZ... Calleen...

    Your plate is indeed full.
    Your plate is indeed full. I think that my sisters here are giving you the same advice I would so I will just say that I will keep you in my prayers.
    Stef

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