A week and a half after my mom passed, its completely hitting me...i feel really terrible

You will never forget
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I am sure that being there to witness it is quite traumatic to you.
My mother died 30 years ago (not cancer) and I don't forget her. In fact, I see her every time I look in the mirror. As I get older I look more and more like her.
Give yourself plenty of breaks and excuses for going slower than usual.
Fatima

Lost my only brother and both my parents.
marc,

There is no easy way through the grieving process. I lost my mother three years ago, this month and it is still hard when I think about all the things I wanted to tell her. In time, however, things will get better, but the loss of people important to us is always difficult and painful.

Love and Courage!

Rick

My mother recently passed away too
My mom died on July 22nd so I know exactly how you feel. Luckily she passed away in her sleep. I don't think I could have handled it if I actually saw it happen. The paramedics believe it happened within an hour of the last time i checked on her. I found her the next morning looking like a cherub asleep, and peaceful. I went to take care of her two weeks before she passed. Now I am home and my constant thought is the need to call her to check how she is doing. I feel like I missed out on conversations we used to have. She was a buffer between one of my sisters and now she is not here to help. My sister is only 23 and I know she is having a hard time, but she refuses to speak to me or even come to the funeral. We have different fathers and her father took off many years ago. I took her in when she was a child and my mother could not handle her, so I feel like a mother to her. However now we are estranged and I know she feels like an orphan. I have tried to reach out to her so far to no success. My two other sisters are trying to help, and say to give her time. I feel that until we settle the differences we can not heal completely. I know this is what my mother would have wanted. We just have to continue on and try to find routine until the rest falls into place. I have many bad moments each day, but hope for one less each day. Stick with it and stay strong.

hard days
Marc,

I am so sorry for your loss and I completely understand how bad you feel,as I 39,lost my husband of six and half years at the age of 45,three weeks ago today. I,too,worry about forgeting his face and his touch,and have filled the house with every picture I could find of him or him and me together. Going back to work was the worst for me because it meant he really was gone and no longer here at home to care for,which has been the worst. I have had to force myself to function,as if I don't I will lose the roof over my head. His frist SSD check came,however,can not cash it because they said he died to soon to be leigable for the funds. Died to soon,no sh*t people,he was 45 years old,tell me about dieing to soon. I have found dealing with all that follows one's passing is such and ongoing process that grieving has really just started for me,and your right,you feel like crap and just don't care anymore. However,that doesn't keep the lights on,a roof over your head,or food on the table. I miss Sean so much that even the act of eating has become only an act I do when I can no longer move without,as he couldn't eat for the last 15 days of his life and every bite of food makes the guilt consume me. Knowing how much pain he was in makes every breath I take make me feel guilty for not hurting.
Everyone keeps telling,me,just as I am sure they are telling you,it will get better with time,as I am told time heals all,well right now it doesn't help,therefore,I understand how you feel. I just stay busy and keep going through the motions and this is the best adivse I can offer you. When you hurt,you hurt,and don't let anyone tell you there is a right or wrong thing to do or not do,as everyone is different and everyone finds the need to express their pain and loss differently. I would love to give you some mumbo jumbo,stay strong pep talk,but it doesn't help,just do what you must and some day you will see her again. This is how I keep going is the knowledge that I will see Sean again one day,it's just we are apart for now. We had changed our wedding vows from until death due you part to forever and always,which I had written on his grave marker and will also be on mine,and this is how I will always feel that we are together forever and always. I still talk to Sean all the time,and hope he can hear me and knows how much I love and miss him,I can tell you the talking as if he can hear me has really helped me keep going.

Loss of my mom
I lost my mom or should i say my mom lost her battle with cancer on September 16, 2009. We went to Mexico for a 28 day Issels program. Unfortunately her cancer was quite aggressive and the chemo which previously had helped reduce her cancer by 75% was no longer effective and the cancer had come back stronger than ever with only a 1 out of 10 chance that the chemo would help her. We decided to go to Mexico to try the Issels program which included Juices and organic fruits and vegetables, oh how I wish that we had initially strengthened her immune system so that she could have handled the chemo better or that maybe there would have been no need for chemo if only her immune system was stronger. The only treatment the doctors out here talked about was the chemo. When I asked what she should or should not eat they simply said anything she wants. I must say that I am sooooooooooo disappointed with the care that my mom got here. She never smoked, yet by the time we knew she had stage 4 cancer it had already metastasized into her lungs. I was with my mom for a total of 28 days in Mexico trying to get her system strong unfortunately her potassium and blood count was very low. I had to take my mom home from the hospital we had hospice care, which i must say was a life saver. However, once home with my mom she simply was not eating or drinking so i was forced to watch her die a slow death. We got home on September 11th, 2009 and she passed on September 16th, 2009. To watch a loved one grasp for air, not eat or drink for that amount of time is unbearable. My mom was a strong and a beautiful soul. Even with all the pain she was in, she suffered silently and never wanted anyone to be burdened with her situation. I miss you mom may you rest in peace. Please make sure that before you allow your loved ones to do chemo that they strengthen their immune system and that they have only greens and organic greens for their diet. Maybe with a stronger immune system they can handle the chemo better. God bless all cancer patients and their families, no one should have to go through what I witnessed.

Tina Blondek said:

Sorry for you Loss
Dear Lelis,
Thanks for your wonderful post and tribute to your mom. Yes it is a sad time, but you did the best you could to help her. You had those wonderful 28 days in Mexico. What a great memory to cherish. My dad has beat esophageal cancer, but now he has mets to his liver. He has had to have a stent put into his esophagus, a stent put in a blocked bile duct, and will start chemo within the next 3 weeks or so. We are beefing him up before treatment. Thanks for you advice about the greens for the immune system. God Bless you. May your mom be living peacefully in her new home. Thanks again, and check in on us every once in awhile!
Tina

I am sorry for your loss
I am sorry for your loss Marc. You will go through stages and you will never forget her. My mother passed away from stomach cancer 45 years ago when I was 12 and I mourn her every single day. I ask for her help and strength as my husband now has advanced cancer. I don't remember her voice but I remember how she laughed, loud, which once embarrassed me when I was young but now I realize I am the same! You will cherish every single memory and they will all be precious to you. As time goes by you may be less sad and you will find yourself smiling at something she may have done or said. I truly believe that this life is temporary and we will all spend eternity together. Read the book Five People You Meet in Heaven, it will make your heart feel good. Sheila