Pls help - need questions for the oncologist

I also have stageVI nsc lung
I also have stageVI nsc lung cancer that has moved to my liver. 49yrs old. I just found out in May of this year and was told 6month - 1year - 2% get over 1year. I try to do what ever I can to fight this - eating better, not drinking, but still can't quit smoking. At first I didn't want to do anything, just chemo and see what would happen. Then I went through a short phase of giving up. Another phase of "I can beat this" I'll be the one in a million that does. Your mother-in-law my have a different opion on treatment each time you talk to her. It's such an up and down ride.

I know too that I don't like doing the reserch- the more I read the more depressed I get. My husband and friends have to do that for me and have to be at my appointments - when the doctor talks to me sometimes I don't really hear him, just not catching it, all sounds like a bunch of babble to me. That's how my mind hears it. Make sure someone is with her to ask the questions- always make a list to ask- and do reserch for her, she too may not want to do that on her own.

Also remember- everyone is different on how they act - how different treatments effect them -and what is best for them.

So Frustrating!
Cancer is such a nasty disease. It invades our bodies without any by-your-leave and stops us from enjoying life and participating like we used so much of the time. The doctors literally speak a different language that some of us may understand, but many more do not. They tell me that med students have to learn 10,000 words a year each year they are in med school--and their learning doesn't stop until their practice ceases decades later. That means that the average person isn't likely to understand all they say and that's on a good day. When you just got the news you have cancer and the doctor's face doesn't look hopeful, you take an emotional dive that makes understanding anything (and I mean even the simplest stuff) next to impossible.

I'm not sure of the legal name for it, but if your mother-in-law can get it so you can freely exchange information with the doctors directly, you will be able to call from your home for updates and help with the decision making (They may insist on it being a blood relative rathaer than a link by marriage. Check.). The oncologist may be at a hospital with a medical social worker that could help with finding agencies that can assist your mother-in-law with all the stuff that she will need. Even making a simple meal can be overwhelming when you are recovering from treatment effects. The fatigue is that bad and that's not including the effects of lungs not working. And if you don't eat and drink, you can land in the hospital and/or not be well enough to continue treatment. Obviously it's vicious circle that isn't easy to get out of and prevention is better than intervention if possible. Different communities have different helping agencies, but a good medical social worker can help to set up a plan that can assist her no matter what treatment is decided on.

One thing I have learned from having cancer is not to postpone good times. We have today, that's why they call it the "present". So if you want to have a vacation with her, do it now. Don't wait. Also, don't forgo treatment, just plan around it. My dad had prostrate cancer and was able to have his operation in one state in the fall but still go south for the winter and get the radiation there. He even managed to make his treatments in the afternoon so he could get the golf in while the weather was still cool. He tells me he didn't miss a game all 10 weeks of treatment though he did break down and use a cart the last two weeks and take an extra nap now and then! Teachers I know planned chemo so that it would be on Fridays. By Monday, they were well enough to get back to teaching. Everyone reacts differently, so some folks may need a week to recover well enough to make a cruise or short vacation, but it could still be done if they are well enough.

Don't leave estate planning on hold either. Make whatever plans you can to beat the cancer, but make sure all estate plans are in order just in case. None of us know how long we have left and it is best to remember that Boy Scout motto and "Be Prepared!". That will reduce everyone's stress in the long run. Again, the medical social worker may be able to help you find out what needs to be done in this area so that things are in order legally and that your mom's wishes are carried out throughout her treatment. Living wills are needed to make sure medical treatments are carried out according to your relative's wishes. Regular wills will help keep the government from getting more than their due. Not talking about it won't keep anything from happening any more than getting the estate in order will make the cancer worse. Pre-planning will just reduce the stress later down the line and guide you through all the decisions that may be needed in the future.

Good luck at the oncologist's office!

C. Abbott