What DO you say to a cancer patient???

2»

Comments

  • meena1
    meena1 Member Posts: 1,003
    #22
    I feel good when people say
    I feel good when people say they will pray for me, I believe in the healing of prayer. What i do not like to hear is "no wonder you are so skinny" or "i thought you looked terrible the last time i saw you". That was truly said to me.
  • elm3544
    elm3544 Member Posts: 748
    #23
    well...
    Some of the things on that list are just downright funny if you think about it. And some can be hurtful or aggravating. The truth is, no one knows what to say to someone going through this or anything awful. Even being there myself I am not sure I would say the right thing. I hope the list didn't upset anyone. I found it one night when I was frustrated over some things people had said and I thought, "I bet there is a list of things not to say" so me being me, I looked and found one. My hope is that one day I can look back and laugh at some of the crazy things I have heard.
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #24
    elm3544 said:

    well...
    Some of the things on that list are just downright funny if you think about it. And some can be hurtful or aggravating. The truth is, no one knows what to say to someone going through this or anything awful. Even being there myself I am not sure I would say the right thing. I hope the list didn't upset anyone. I found it one night when I was frustrated over some things people had said and I thought, "I bet there is a list of things not to say" so me being me, I looked and found one. My hope is that one day I can look back and laugh at some of the crazy things I have heard.

    Elm,
    Maybe one of the things
    Elm,
    Maybe one of the things that can be said is contained in your post right here. "I just don't know what to say" and add my heart goes out to you, you are in my thoughts, you will be in my prayers, I am so sorry or whatever else seems appropriate to how well you know the person. It is a crazy tightrope to walk when you know someone with cancer, even when we have had to deal with it ourselves because each cancer is different, each person is different and each reaction to it is different. I think the less said the better. And remarks of sympathy and concern are the best. It also depends on where that person is in their journey. I am sure I would react differently at the beginning of my cancers than nearer the end of treatment. I most appreciated the ones that said, If I can do anything for you and followed through" were my favorites. Actions can truly speak louder than words. A meal for the family is nice but ask first. An offer to babysit for those with children. A friend's hubby who offers to take my guy out so he can be a little normal. A girlfriend who offers to take me out so I can feel a little normal. It's a slippery slope no matter how you look at it. I am truly only offended by those that make tactless, stupid remarks, like the free weight loss or a free boob job. The rest is just not really knowing how to react. I deal with life's challenges with humor for myself but I know that others might not. I think in most cases when you are first told by someone that they have cancer, less is more. And a gentle, gentle, hug can say it all.
    Just my two cents, more like a quarter.
    Stef
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    #25
    fauxma said:

    Elm,
    Maybe one of the things
    Elm,
    Maybe one of the things that can be said is contained in your post right here. "I just don't know what to say" and add my heart goes out to you, you are in my thoughts, you will be in my prayers, I am so sorry or whatever else seems appropriate to how well you know the person. It is a crazy tightrope to walk when you know someone with cancer, even when we have had to deal with it ourselves because each cancer is different, each person is different and each reaction to it is different. I think the less said the better. And remarks of sympathy and concern are the best. It also depends on where that person is in their journey. I am sure I would react differently at the beginning of my cancers than nearer the end of treatment. I most appreciated the ones that said, If I can do anything for you and followed through" were my favorites. Actions can truly speak louder than words. A meal for the family is nice but ask first. An offer to babysit for those with children. A friend's hubby who offers to take my guy out so he can be a little normal. A girlfriend who offers to take me out so I can feel a little normal. It's a slippery slope no matter how you look at it. I am truly only offended by those that make tactless, stupid remarks, like the free weight loss or a free boob job. The rest is just not really knowing how to react. I deal with life's challenges with humor for myself but I know that others might not. I think in most cases when you are first told by someone that they have cancer, less is more. And a gentle, gentle, hug can say it all.
    Just my two cents, more like a quarter.
    Stef

    I like what you wrote Stef.
    I like what you wrote Stef. The less said, the better, and a gentle hug! Or, the acts that they do without being asked, like bringing over dinner, or taking you out, or taking your husband out, those are truly appreciated. :)
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #26
    dbs1673 said:

    then/now
    Before, I used to say "I'm sorry". Now I say, "It sucks, doesn't it! I've been on that journey and let me tell you I have met the most wonderful amazing people!"

    I like what you say dbs1673!
    I like what you say dbs1673! It sucks! lol


    ♠♣ Susie ♠♣

Discussion Boards