My husband died July 1, 2009

dapthx
dapthx Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Surviving Caregivers #1
I lost my husband July 1, 2009 to lung cancer. We just found out about it 6 weeks earlier. Our world just turned upside down, it's just now my daughter and I. She is only 9. We are not doing so well. We were not even aware he was that sick.He was doing ok until the last 2 weeks. I wish I had even an extra 5 minutes with him. He was my best friend and my daughter's best buddy. Now he's gone and we didn't even get to say goodbye.

Comments

  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #2
    I know
    What you are going threw just went threw that myself my husband died of colon cancer april 16 2009 I am sorry for your loss and mine too.At 51 i am alone to start a new life and i am scared Never been apart for 35 yrs I was 16 when we married he was 18.It just dosn't seem real it will be 4 months soon and I am still here and functioning but i miss him so much. I have 2 granchildren haley 8 anthony 6 and they are a great comfort see them every weekend so that helps me alot, please take care and i will pray for you and your family.

    michelle
  • soccerfreaks
    soccerfreaks Member Posts: 2,788 Member
    #3
    My sympathies
    There is really little that anyone can say that will change the way you or your daughter feel.

    I have long since decided that the caregiver who loses a loved one quickly has an entirely different set of emotional problems than one who suffers through a lengthy demise. I cannot say that I would prefer one over the other, but I am pretty sure that while the long-term provider/caregiver has to put up with, go through, ENDURE, so much more, still, they are preparing themselves for the end.

    I truly believe that this makes it just a bit easier, if that is a proper way to put it.

    You, while I wonder why you were not permitted to say goodbye, you and your daughter had little time to prepare for what was inevitable.

    That is not to say that one way is preferable to the other. As far as I am concerned, let me be the one that has to have the cancer, to survive the cancer, because that is a lot easier than caring for someone such as myself.

    Whether there truly are stages of grief as many insist, there seems to be little doubt that you will feel loss (obviously), followed by anger, denial, depression and, believe it or not, acceptance. Eventually, your tears of anguish will turn to tears of joy as you recall, not the loss, but all that you shared, dad, mom, daughter, over the years.

    It will happen. It will take time.

    Consider therapy for both you and your daughter, whether it is professional or church or some agency I am not familiar with. Consider it.

    If you are bewildered by events, imagine what your young daughter is going through, not so aware yet of the world around her and how it knocks us about without warning from time to time.

    Look out for her. Take care of her. And take care of yourself.

    I do not pray as a matter of principle, but you and your daughter are in my thoughts.

    May your husband rest in peace, knowing that you are moving on without him, as he would want you to do.

    Best wishes to you and your daughter and your family and friends.

    Take care,

    Joe

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