Last Treatment... (?)

SonSon
SonSon Member Posts: 174
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Went to the hospital for my mother-in-laws 'last' radiation treatment. Congratulations all around.

So, why did I feel so sad? I think she felt sad, too, as she wept a lot.

We left not hearing "you're cured" or anything like it. In fact, we still need to go do more tests, scans, x-rays to see where it is, has been or plans to go (is it possible?).

I give her lots of pills and one of them is a large gel cap. She always asks me what this and that one is. For the gel cap I tell her it is her "Super Woman Pill" (it's a stool softener - hehehe). Tonight her reply was "Fatfouta-Woman" (Fatfouta is Arabic for a tiny bit or speck). Very sad. She feels as though she has been reduced to a speck.
She began recounting the things she did in her youth, most fondly remembering the sports she did. I told her that we love her not because she is a sports woman, not because she is beautiful, not because she is rich but because she is my husband's mother and a very dear part of our lives. She seemed satisfied with that.

For a while she would tell us that her late husband was visiting her in the morning (I would hear her talking in the morning before I went in her room for the morning routine). I told her that the "Day Of Judgement" has not come yet and his spirit is free to roam the earth visiting those people he loves and that if she thinks he is there that surely his is because he love her very much. She still talks to him in the morning but she does not seem uspet by it anymore.

God bless her this sweet, simply and lovely woman.

Fatima

Comments

  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #2
    Not at all surprised
    Fatima, the sadness you and your mother in law both felt after ending her treatment is quite normal, actually. Even when the culmination of active treatment signals the 'all clear' as far as any further signs of disease, we still tend to fret because we have been in an 'attack mode' and now suddenly there is nowhere for the adrenalin to go. And though your mother in law still faces more issues, for the moment she is 'empty handed' as far as her own need to 'do something'. It is an emotional let down similar to avoiding a major car crash. We are happy the danger is past and we are still intact, but we burst into tears simply because the adrenalin rush is subsiding, leaving us weak and limp.
    If super woman pills and talking to her late husband are helpful to your mother in law's emotional well-being, then you are wise to participate and even encourage her in these harmless coping mechanisms. There would be nothing gained by being too literal about what her medications are for or trying to suggest that her visits with her late husband were in any way unusual.
    God bless you both.
  • SonSon
    SonSon Member Posts: 174
    #3
    zahalene said:

    Not at all surprised
    Fatima, the sadness you and your mother in law both felt after ending her treatment is quite normal, actually. Even when the culmination of active treatment signals the 'all clear' as far as any further signs of disease, we still tend to fret because we have been in an 'attack mode' and now suddenly there is nowhere for the adrenalin to go. And though your mother in law still faces more issues, for the moment she is 'empty handed' as far as her own need to 'do something'. It is an emotional let down similar to avoiding a major car crash. We are happy the danger is past and we are still intact, but we burst into tears simply because the adrenalin rush is subsiding, leaving us weak and limp.
    If super woman pills and talking to her late husband are helpful to your mother in law's emotional well-being, then you are wise to participate and even encourage her in these harmless coping mechanisms. There would be nothing gained by being too literal about what her medications are for or trying to suggest that her visits with her late husband were in any way unusual.
    God bless you both.

    Thanks
    Thanks for your affirmation.
    Your explanation really makes sense.
    Fatima
  • sue Siwek
    sue Siwek Member Posts: 279
    #4
    zahalene said:

    Not at all surprised
    Fatima, the sadness you and your mother in law both felt after ending her treatment is quite normal, actually. Even when the culmination of active treatment signals the 'all clear' as far as any further signs of disease, we still tend to fret because we have been in an 'attack mode' and now suddenly there is nowhere for the adrenalin to go. And though your mother in law still faces more issues, for the moment she is 'empty handed' as far as her own need to 'do something'. It is an emotional let down similar to avoiding a major car crash. We are happy the danger is past and we are still intact, but we burst into tears simply because the adrenalin rush is subsiding, leaving us weak and limp.
    If super woman pills and talking to her late husband are helpful to your mother in law's emotional well-being, then you are wise to participate and even encourage her in these harmless coping mechanisms. There would be nothing gained by being too literal about what her medications are for or trying to suggest that her visits with her late husband were in any way unusual.
    God bless you both.

    you are wise.

    you are wise.
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    #5
    sue Siwek said:

    you are wise.

    you are wise.

    Thank you...
    you are both very kind, but many of the 'old timers' here would have told you basically the same thing if they had got here first. :)
  • SonSon
    SonSon Member Posts: 174
    #6
    zahalene said:

    Not at all surprised
    Fatima, the sadness you and your mother in law both felt after ending her treatment is quite normal, actually. Even when the culmination of active treatment signals the 'all clear' as far as any further signs of disease, we still tend to fret because we have been in an 'attack mode' and now suddenly there is nowhere for the adrenalin to go. And though your mother in law still faces more issues, for the moment she is 'empty handed' as far as her own need to 'do something'. It is an emotional let down similar to avoiding a major car crash. We are happy the danger is past and we are still intact, but we burst into tears simply because the adrenalin rush is subsiding, leaving us weak and limp.
    If super woman pills and talking to her late husband are helpful to your mother in law's emotional well-being, then you are wise to participate and even encourage her in these harmless coping mechanisms. There would be nothing gained by being too literal about what her medications are for or trying to suggest that her visits with her late husband were in any way unusual.
    God bless you both.

    nope - not the last treatment...
    Visited the doctor today who advised 5 more treatments and some chemotherapy.
    My husband wanted to hear a "progress report" from the doctor - but she can't give it until we do all the x-rays, scans and blood tests.
    They gave her a treatment at higher energy level today...and she is so sick :(
    We did get some Boost and yogurt in her.

Discussion Boards