tomorrow is it :{

lolad
lolad Member Posts: 670
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Ok guys. Im such a nervous wreck and crying and having panic attacks and everything else. Tomorrow is my day i start chemo. I am just so afraid. Why? I thought i would be stronger because up until now ive had a pretty positive attitude. And my post a week ago, you guys helped me feel better, so why is all the negative coming back to me? Wow, i just feel like going to sleep and not waking up till its all over with.

laura
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Comments

  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #2
    Scared...
    Laura! Of course, you're scared. The unknown is a boogie man and chemo is nothing to naked dance about. And to tell you the truth, the chemo palliatives your oncologist has in his or her arsenal can help you to sleep, which for me was a GOOD thing. I had chemo on Wednesday. When it was the Adriamycin and Cytoxin regimen, I was given a steroid. For the first chemo session I did not have this information: I am very sensitive to drugs and the steroid jazzed me so much that afterwards I could not sleep that first night! For the following chemos I had pills to help me sleep on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday night. I was down for the count on Saturday and Sunday (slept through most of it). A friend sent me visualization CD's and they helped too. Then I was tired, but good to go, on Monday until the next chemo. Keeping in contact with the triage nurse who has a direct line to the oncologist really helped ease the adventure. You can do this! Keep posting. You are in my prayers. xoxoxo Lynn
  • Paula1001
    Paula1001 Member Posts: 35
    #3
    Hi
    Take a deep breath and try to relax. Though right now that may seem a daunting task. Receiving the chemo itself is not nearly as awful as we imagine it. Yes, the side effects are a bit rough, but we persevere through those as well.

    I'm past the A/C chemo, double mas. surgery, and have had 11 of 12 Taxol/Herceptin chemos. It seemed overwhelming at first, but each day brings you closer to completion. Keep your mind focused on the final results and a healthy future.

    Meanwhile, pamper yourself, hang in there for the couple of tough days after each chemo, and look forward to the New Normal. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you take this journey. I asked everyone to send me funny emails and such, and that really helps.
    Paula
  • Aortus
    Aortus Member Posts: 967
    #4
    Hang in there, Laura
    I can tell you from experience - not mine, of course, but that of my beloved Moopy and her fellow BC warriors on this board - that you will do fine. The fear of the unknown is indeed awful, but it has been survived, over and over again. And tomorrow you will join that group. I'm sorry that you have had to wait so long.

    Moopster was lucky in a way, because she was told on a Wednesday afternoon (after much waiting) that she could start the very next day if she wanted. She immediately said "Let's go." Not so much out of personal courage - although she is extremely brave - but much more out of her desire to get that first big step over with. And of course, she did just fine.

    I wouldn't be surprised at all if most of the nervousness you mention is in fact just the desire to get that first big step out of the way. And once you have gotten it out of the way, you will feel much more at ease. And of course, you will do just fine.

    Joe
  • RiverGypsie
    RiverGypsie Member Posts: 13
    #5
    Totally Understand
    Hi Laura!! You just keep that positive attitude you got going on. It really helps. I also was very nervous before my first chemo, but once I got there I felt an incredible calm. All the nurses are wonderful and put me at ease instantly. I am still getting treatments. In fact, I have one scheduled for tomorrow too!! Last week my onco changed my chemo so I had a little apprehension then too. But everything worked out just fine. You'll be surprised how smooth everything goes. I just keep in mind that all of this is helping me, and I will do whatever it takes! I will definitely be thinking of you tomorrow and saying prayers. Remember, you are never alone....this is the greatest board with the very best of supportive people. I'm so thankful I found it!! Try not to worry!!
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    #6
    Good Luck!
    I know you are scared, I was scared too. Funny thing though, I am one who gets upset with molehills, but mountains make me more determined. I actually was anxious to get it started, scared as heck, but the anticipation of getting it started and then have it over with made me want to get on with it. It was later that day when I really realized what was running rampant through my body. I also had an oncologist who did the chemo right in her office and by then I had gotten to know her nurse and office manager and they all came in to cheer me on the first treatment. It was at the end of chemo that I started worrying about the next step, the rads, and even they were made pleasant, due to the fact they did not hurt, and the technicians were always pleasant and full of stories and jokes. I hope you have these kinds of experiences and I know you will do fine! Hang in there - I'll keep praying for you!
    Pat
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    #7
    padee6339 said:

    Good Luck!
    I know you are scared, I was scared too. Funny thing though, I am one who gets upset with molehills, but mountains make me more determined. I actually was anxious to get it started, scared as heck, but the anticipation of getting it started and then have it over with made me want to get on with it. It was later that day when I really realized what was running rampant through my body. I also had an oncologist who did the chemo right in her office and by then I had gotten to know her nurse and office manager and they all came in to cheer me on the first treatment. It was at the end of chemo that I started worrying about the next step, the rads, and even they were made pleasant, due to the fact they did not hurt, and the technicians were always pleasant and full of stories and jokes. I hope you have these kinds of experiences and I know you will do fine! Hang in there - I'll keep praying for you!
    Pat

    Laura
    We were all scared ... and some of us still are. It's all perfectly normal under the circumstances. The waiting is the worst part of it ... not knowing what to expect. But ... You will be just fine. You'll figure out what works best for you ... some people like to be entertained and distracted ... others (like me) prefer to be alone ... listen to a relaxation CD and sleep.

    Do you have any medication (xanax) to take before your appointment? If not you might ask for a prescription ... just to take some of the anxiety out of it.

    The people at the chemo treatment place will be just wonderful and they will take good care of you.

    You'll be fine... and if it gets rough ... just know that we're all "virtually" there with you holding your hand through it all.

    hugs.
    teena
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159 Member
    #8
    We understand perfectly your
    We understand perfectly your trepidation! As others mentioned, it is the Fear of the unknown you are dealing with. I cried during my first day of chemo as well; I was absolutely petrified~ and when that IV went into my hand ( pre-port) I fell apart like the proverbial cheap suit. It just made it all even more real than even the surgery did. I guess also knowing poison was going to be coursing through my veins, and I didn't know if I was going to have violently ill side-effects or just what to expect! The RNs couldn't have been nicer or more caring, and I will bet you will find the same at your cancer center. The RNs at a cancer treatment center are a special breed of angelic caregivers.

    By the time your NEXT infusion comes around it won't be as fear-inducing~ you will know what to expect, and you will start to "know" the nursing staff and perhaps others getting infusions on the same day.

    And tomorrow? Well, the good news is,you will be one chemo down, and well on your way to being finished with treatment. Oh, and we are all there with you~ visualize our names and silly pictures from this board and know we are sitting with you and cheering you on!

    Hugs,
    Claudia
  • chickad52
    chickad52 Member Posts: 497
    #9
    Laura
    Know that your ongology team will be there for you and help get you through this. I know that the first time is scary, so if you have someone to go with you , that will be a big help to take your mind off things. Good luck!! Diane :)
  • Reikigemgirl
    Reikigemgirl Member Posts: 278
    #10
    Xanax.....
    has been my saving grace since being diagnosed. Do you have a doctor who will prescribe you some just to take the edge off? Your oncologist? I called my family doctor and she called some in for me. I have to go to the oncologist this afternoon and that was causing me so much panic that I had to take one. I can only imagine what you are feeling because I have yet to start my chemo but I know I will be just as scared. Heck, I'm scared already!!

    Thanks to all the wonderful people on this board I see you have received plenty of good wishes and I just want to add mine to the list.

    Your kind words in your posts to me have been so upbeat and helped me so much. Will be thinking of you tomorrow with love and prayers,
    Vicki
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #11
    I was scared too but I tried
    I was scared too but I tried to distract myself by keeping busy. If you're busy time flies. Good luck tomorrow. Tomorrow comes way too fast sometimes. Then it turns into yesterday and the chemo treatment will be over.
  • lolad
    lolad Member Posts: 670
    #12
    Marcia527 said:

    I was scared too but I tried
    I was scared too but I tried to distract myself by keeping busy. If you're busy time flies. Good luck tomorrow. Tomorrow comes way too fast sometimes. Then it turns into yesterday and the chemo treatment will be over.

    Thank you everyone for once
    Thank you everyone for once again bringing some peace to me. I am so thankful for everyones words of encouragment. I think some of the anxiety is just wanting to get it started and done with. I hope i can get some sleep tonight and i hope it comes soon. Ive exhausted myself mentally today. Thanks again, love you guys!

    laura
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    #13
    Oh Laura...
    It will be ok. Even though many aspects of chemo MAY be unpleasant, we tend to blow things up in our minds until they become un-doable. Please trust me when I say that you will get through tomorrow, and every other day that chemo is scheduled for you.
    You will be here, telling us that you did it! You made it through! And then you will be helping to calm the fears of others who are just beginning their journey.

    Take a deep breath and hang in there...

    Hugs,

    CR
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #14
    CR1954 said:

    Oh Laura...
    It will be ok. Even though many aspects of chemo MAY be unpleasant, we tend to blow things up in our minds until they become un-doable. Please trust me when I say that you will get through tomorrow, and every other day that chemo is scheduled for you.
    You will be here, telling us that you did it! You made it through! And then you will be helping to calm the fears of others who are just beginning their journey.

    Take a deep breath and hang in there...

    Hugs,

    CR

    Laura
    What everyone up there just said..........Most of us are first timers here and were equally terrified...we are with ya hun.........It gets better.........Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.....Hugs Jxxxxxxxxx
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #15
    tasha_111 said:

    Laura
    What everyone up there just said..........Most of us are first timers here and were equally terrified...we are with ya hun.........It gets better.........Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.....Hugs Jxxxxxxxxx

    Laura
    I,m going Wednesday for my 3rd treatment. Don't worry so much, it's not all that bad. I was scared to, but it went well and I really worried for nothing. It's no different than having a IV in, thats it. A few days after treatment I get real tired and just don't feel all that great and than that passes and I'm back to the Norm. Good luck, post and let us know how your doing
  • outdoorgirl
    outdoorgirl Member Posts: 1,565
    #16
    I think part of it
    is fear of the unknown. At least it was like that for me.
    You will be okay,I know it doesn't seem like it now,but you will be.And hopefully when you go in tomorrow it won't be as bad as you thought it would be(I know that sounds crazy,but I think you get the jest of what I'm saying).You can do it,Laura!Think of those of us who have been through it already and those who are going through it now. We did it,are doing it,and so can you! Let us know when you can how things went... I wish I could be there for you in person-I would go with you and be your moral support!
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    #17
    Laura....
    So sorry you have to go through these feelings. Hang in there, I know you can do it!! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it....your there!! Hugs to you. I will say a prayer that your fear is relieved and you will have peace throughout your experience. Please post and let us know how you did as soon as you can! (:-) Pammy
  • tommaseena
    tommaseena Member Posts: 1,769
    #18
    Akiss4me said:

    Laura....
    So sorry you have to go through these feelings. Hang in there, I know you can do it!! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it....your there!! Hugs to you. I will say a prayer that your fear is relieved and you will have peace throughout your experience. Please post and let us know how you did as soon as you can! (:-) Pammy

    Laura
    Laura,
    You will do just fine. Once you are there and wonderful nurses explain everything you will feel more relaxed.

    Let us know how you do.

    Positive thoughts coming your way.

    Hugs,
    Margo
  • cats_toy
    cats_toy Member Posts: 1,462 Member
    #19
    Laura
    let us know how it went when you are able. We are all scared the first time, but it does get better
    Cat
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #20
    Chemo is scary...
    Of course it is! No one ever wants it... Yet, so many here are in the midst of it - or, are done. As others have already stated, that first one can be the scariest because it's "unknown"... The chemo staff understands this - I'm sure they'll be wonderfully understanding.

    Best advice, for now, I can share:
    Drink lots of water, all throughout - not just on treatment days. Will keep you hydrated, circulate the drugs everywhere they're supposed to go (important for effectiveness), and then flush them out.
    Keep your doctor/nurse informed of how you're feeling. There are many different meds available to ease the potential side effects. And if one doesn't work well, there's usually another option.

    Best wishes to you, Laura. We'll be here for you.
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
    #21
    lolad said:

    Thank you everyone for once
    Thank you everyone for once again bringing some peace to me. I am so thankful for everyones words of encouragment. I think some of the anxiety is just wanting to get it started and done with. I hope i can get some sleep tonight and i hope it comes soon. Ive exhausted myself mentally today. Thanks again, love you guys!

    laura

    Treatment Today
    Laura, just thinking of you after your first chemo today. I found the first to be the most frightening; after that, I had a better idea what to expect. Many of us have had chemo, and all of us want to help as much as we can. If you have any questions or concerns, you can bring them here. I sure did, and made it through chemo much better than I ever expected. You will, too.

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