losing it....HELP!!!!

moxie75
moxie75 Member Posts: 2
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
My mom was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in March. Life has been HELL!!! I live with her and take care of her when she is not in the hospital. I have lost friends and apparently my mind and there is so much more to go. I am lost. I love my mom more than anything in this world, but I feel like I'm losing myself. People I have trusted for years have abandoned me and I'm devastated. I know everyone says find time for yourself, but HOW??????

Comments

  • rwagner
    rwagner Member Posts: 11
    #2
    hang in there
    this is a tough place we're at. i know how overwhelming it can be. sometimes i try to think back to a more peaceful time, when i was able to enjoy life so much more. if you can imagine those times, what were you doing? for me, it was running, playing piano, reading. can you carve out a little time to do something you love, something that helps you remember who you are, how good it feels to be alive, to be happy?

    each time you lose something - a friend, a hope, or when you find yourself on your knees in tears, try to remember that each time we hurt, we have a chance to heal and we get new perspective on life. there's got to be something positive. we learn how much we love our family member who's hurting. we learn that we ourselves are loving, capable and strong. we may lose friends, but we can become better friends to ourselves.

    some people have recommended meditation, which can be an interesting experiment for a first-timer like me! try everything and look everywhere to find some peace for yourself. you deserve it.

    i hope you find some support around you. you have many companions on this site. peace to you,
    r
  • marc24
    marc24 Member Posts: 92
    #3
    rwagner said:

    hang in there
    this is a tough place we're at. i know how overwhelming it can be. sometimes i try to think back to a more peaceful time, when i was able to enjoy life so much more. if you can imagine those times, what were you doing? for me, it was running, playing piano, reading. can you carve out a little time to do something you love, something that helps you remember who you are, how good it feels to be alive, to be happy?

    each time you lose something - a friend, a hope, or when you find yourself on your knees in tears, try to remember that each time we hurt, we have a chance to heal and we get new perspective on life. there's got to be something positive. we learn how much we love our family member who's hurting. we learn that we ourselves are loving, capable and strong. we may lose friends, but we can become better friends to ourselves.

    some people have recommended meditation, which can be an interesting experiment for a first-timer like me! try everything and look everywhere to find some peace for yourself. you deserve it.

    i hope you find some support around you. you have many companions on this site. peace to you,
    r

    same situation
    I am sorta on the same boat as u, my mom was diagnosed with colorectal cancer with liver mets, its been 4 months since she was diagnosed and she is getting weaker and weaker..i work and its hard for me to help her 24/7 but i do my best when i get home, but all she does now is eat sorta, sleep alot, and sit, so its really hard.

    I am beginning to lose my social life period, i pretty much havent talked to my close friends for weeks now, mostly "how's ur mom talk"..i work and feel like a zombie at work. but u know what i put it this way, we can only do what we can. Unfortunately, life starts and life ends and thats the way it is. I cant seem to figure and cope with this myself, but i hope and pray that my rational sense about life will save me from losing myself. Someday, we will all meet in eternity....long long time from now when both our mom's get through their disease...stay positive, its hard for both of us, but we have to stay positive
  • sue Siwek
    sue Siwek Member Posts: 279
    #4
    moxie75, i know it is hard.
    moxie75, i know it is hard. my mother died of bone cancer 6 months after my father died of a heart attack. i was fortunate in that i had 9 other siblings. on my watch she died. i will say that i have no guilt because i and my siblings were there for her. i hope you have some one to share this experience with. if you are an only child ask her friends or your friends to support you. if they have truly abandoned you all i can say is that you will not regretted this time with the women who gave birth to you. go with it. it will be a learning and strengthening experience that will guide you through out the rest of your life. you will realize your strengths beyond anything you can imagine. i am now caring for my husband of 42 years who has brain cancer and parkinson's disease. my experience with the loss of my parents has given me the strength to see this through. our children have also learned by the example of their parents as we all deal with this new test of our strengths. you can do this, she needs you. and you will not regret it. seek help from doctors, therapist, clergy anything or one that will listen to you concerns. again you can do this and will be better for it.
  • tjo66
    tjo66 Member Posts: 29
    #5
    Losing it....HELP!!!! has a companion...
    Hi, as I read your blog it was like it was me who wrote it. I quit my job over a year ago to take care of my mom who has COPD. All my friends deserted me and I feel I have no one. Now my dad has been diagnosed with NHL and I am not sure what to do now. I am married and have a family but am with my parents 12 hours during the week and a full day and night on weekends. Doing this now for 3 years. My mom is now on hospice which really has helped a lot. Every so often when I think I cannot take anymore hospice helps with respite care and she can go to a hospital or nursing home for 5 days. It's not a lot but it does give me a break once in a while. Maybe there is something out there for you as well. I hope so because I know you could really use a break. It does seem like everyone abandons you and they really do and it is sooooo devastating to us caregivers. It is hard to sit back and watch as your friends go on with their life. How dare they go on living like that when we are giving our all to someone who needs us. Right? That is just how I feel sometimes even though I know it is not right to feel that way. I even had to quit going to myspace because I would see all of their pics. Sad isn't it. But I pray alot and talk to my dog A LOT!!!!! I just have to remember that my mom was there for me when I was little and now I guess it's my turn. I don't know if this will make you feel any better but at least you will know there is someone else out there and say "HEY, I know how you feel". Try to keep your chin up ok? I know it's hard but we are here for you. And the next time I feel like I want to explode I'll blog it and you can put me in check.
  • alex73
    alex73 Member Posts: 3
    #6
    It's hard
    Moxie,

    Like everyone else here I going thru the same thing. (Wife is 38 and has Stage 4 colon cancer) I'm telling you as a caregiver I feel like we are being taken advantage of and no one cares. The biggest thing is no one really ask how are you doing.

    SO MOXIE HOW ARE YOU DOING AND IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU?

    But as for finding time here a few tips:
    1 you don't have to always answer the phone
    2 Send out mass e-mails with updates this will save you time
    3 Ask for help if you can't get it with your friends and family
    4 Join a support group if you can find one It's just a social outting with others in the same boat
    5 Don't give up because in the end your mother like my wife would do this for us.
    6 this has been my trick waking up 2 hours early just to have the alone time

    If I think of anything else I'll get it up to you and all.

    Best of luck.
    Your Friend,
    Alex

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