Work....ugggg!!

Carlie,
A million years ago
Carlie,

A million years ago I used to do conflict resolution sessions with employee groups. One of the skills that we would work on was stepping back from how things felt and examine what was occuring that would cause others to have certain perceptions of ourselves. Remembering that they are perceptions that they have, not facts...but perceptions driven by something in our behavior. Then by targeting our own behaviors to initiate or 'correct' how we are perceived, interactions can be improved. I am not sure if this is making sense...trying not to sound like I am on a podium...

example: SuzyQ comes into work everyday and goes right to her desk to begin tip typing away. She doesn't talk much seeing that those around her seem to be busy with other conversations or already at work. She doesn't want to bother them but wonders why no one greets her in the morning. SuzyQ overhears someone in the ladies room talking about how SuzyQ thinks she is better than everyone else. SuzyQ realizes that her behavior has been mistaken for coldness. SuzyQ begins to make an effort to greet coworkers on her way to her desk. She isn't changing who she is...just correcting her own perception that her greeting would have been an unwelcome interruption.

Sometimes the first step is finding someone who can be your partner in building towards better interaction. Your partner needs to be someone who can be honest with you, and someone you will not crucify for their honesty. Share how you feel you are being percieved with your partner, ask them what they think. If the perception that others have of you is on target...great. But if it is something that you are not intending to convey, ask if there are some specific behaviors that are fueling this perception. Then decide if you can live with making some adjustments...how much is it worth...will the adjustments needed still keep you true to yourself...

The hardest part is to not over-react to the perceptions that others have of you...but remember they are just perceptions, focus on whether it is something you can live with or not...and how you could change it if you wanted to.

Anyway...that is the gist of it in a nutshell...

Good Luck, Jojo

Hey Carlie....
I had witnessed the same behavior occuring in a job, that was one I really liked, towards someone. I found that the person who was the target was doing nothing wrong. It seemed that the reason they were attacked was jealousy over the good qualities this person posessed that the others did not have. I decided I could not work there knowing that this was occuring. I left for a job that did not pay near as much, but was a much better environment. Now, I work with only men. Yep, thats right, me and 17 men!!! And trust me.....they are doing everything to make sure I never leave!! They even make the coffee, all day long!! So just know that Jojo had a very good point, but if that does not work, it may be jealousy over your good qualities and kinship with the residents. You may either need to confront it with a boss or possibly look for another job. I wish you the best of luck. (:-) Pammy

chickad52 said:

Carlie
Yes, women are the worst as far as being petty. I would rather work with men. My doctor signed me out for disability benefits. The pay is less than half of what I make at work, but I need to focus on getting better. I work in retail and didn't need to around all the people during my chemo treatments. Good Luck to you !! Diane

Carlie... yes, bc is
Carlie... yes, bc is considered a disability... I have an old post that I put up... I will look it up and bump it up so you can see it... It will give you some information that will hopefully be able to answer some of your questions...

I hope it gets better... I know what stress a negative work enviornment can cause... trust me.

Hugs

~T

jojo elizapest said:

Carlie,
A million years ago
Carlie,

A million years ago I used to do conflict resolution sessions with employee groups. One of the skills that we would work on was stepping back from how things felt and examine what was occuring that would cause others to have certain perceptions of ourselves. Remembering that they are perceptions that they have, not facts...but perceptions driven by something in our behavior. Then by targeting our own behaviors to initiate or 'correct' how we are perceived, interactions can be improved. I am not sure if this is making sense...trying not to sound like I am on a podium...

example: SuzyQ comes into work everyday and goes right to her desk to begin tip typing away. She doesn't talk much seeing that those around her seem to be busy with other conversations or already at work. She doesn't want to bother them but wonders why no one greets her in the morning. SuzyQ overhears someone in the ladies room talking about how SuzyQ thinks she is better than everyone else. SuzyQ realizes that her behavior has been mistaken for coldness. SuzyQ begins to make an effort to greet coworkers on her way to her desk. She isn't changing who she is...just correcting her own perception that her greeting would have been an unwelcome interruption.

Sometimes the first step is finding someone who can be your partner in building towards better interaction. Your partner needs to be someone who can be honest with you, and someone you will not crucify for their honesty. Share how you feel you are being percieved with your partner, ask them what they think. If the perception that others have of you is on target...great. But if it is something that you are not intending to convey, ask if there are some specific behaviors that are fueling this perception. Then decide if you can live with making some adjustments...how much is it worth...will the adjustments needed still keep you true to yourself...

The hardest part is to not over-react to the perceptions that others have of you...but remember they are just perceptions, focus on whether it is something you can live with or not...and how you could change it if you wanted to.

Anyway...that is the gist of it in a nutshell...

Good Luck, Jojo

very good advise!
I think that's very good advice Jojo. I will try it myself.

Carlie, I also work in a Nursing Home and am loved completely by the residents. Almost as much as I love them. I have found a few to be jealous of my relationship with them. But remember some are just their for a paycheck, and some like you and I find it very rewarding and truley love them. It is a little worse now for me, since I am on "restorative" I get personal time with them to excersise and do R. O. M. I also get to have fun with them in group exersise and after we play kick ball with the beach ball listen to happy music, go for walks outside etc. I am sure they think my job is cushy. and some are jealous. For those who are I try really hard to include them in the fun. and to praise the work they do ( if in fact they do a good job) as for the other ones just their for a paycheck..and some borderline abusive...well I don't give a rat's **** what they think, and I watch them closely. Any sign of abuse will be and has been reported by me.

You are right about women and politics. I wish everyone could be like our amazing sisters here. We are a very unique and amazingly caring and supportive group of brave warriors.
and I will just have to feel sorry for those women who will never know a feeling of kindred spirits..helping and fighting with us ....fighting for our lives.

I hope all gets resolved at your work place. It would be a shame to give up something you sincerely love for some petty jelousy. Jojo had some very good advice I think, and I am going to try it.

Lotsa Love, Jackie

Carlie, is it possible...
that your co-workers who are causing these problems are feeling inferior to you and so are going on the defensive, even to the point of creating sham mistakes for which to blame you?
Of course they would never admit (even to themselves probably) to being afraid that they are less efficient than you are, but I think it is a real possibility.
One thing that might help is to appear a little more 'needy' to your co-workers of their help and support. Ask their opinion on things (even if you have little respect for their judgment and have no intention of actually acting on their advice), ask for their help with something once in awhile (even if you feel perfectly capable of handling it on your own), and use phrases such as 'oh, what a good idea', or 'why didn't I think of that?' to avoid the appearance of always being on top of things more so than the others.
I am not suggesting that you compromise your performance on the job in any way, but just that you include the other (jealous?) ones in your daily service in small ways that help them feel on a more even keel with you.
God bless.

taleena said:

Carlie... yes, bc is
Carlie... yes, bc is considered a disability... I have an old post that I put up... I will look it up and bump it up so you can see it... It will give you some information that will hopefully be able to answer some of your questions...

I hope it gets better... I know what stress a negative work enviornment can cause... trust me.

Hugs

~T

Carlie, bc is in the
Carlie, bc is in the disability act now, but, you have to be disabled and not able to work at all. Your oncologist and other doctors have to verify that information before they consider you at all. So, talk to your doctors first.

Good luck!